


Every Minute Gets Easier

by CrochetingWords



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Future Fic, Happy Ending, M/M, Miscommunication, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-17 04:27:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 50,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11843937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrochetingWords/pseuds/CrochetingWords
Summary: His life had turned out beyond his wildest dreams. It was amazing, and when it got bad from time to time, that was still fine, it was still worth it, because the bad times were just a glimpse in their epic story and the good times were just so good, so pure, so abundant, that he knew they would make it through every struggle. Together.Which is why Isak never imagined his current situation: Filing an application for separation.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all, this story will be done in 4 parts and I won't lie, there will be a lot of angst and hurt feelings. This is a brake up & make up fic after all, but I genuinely hope you'll enjoy the read. It will have a happy ending, I promise :)
> 
> This story is mainly told through flashbacks, at least for the first two chapters.
> 
> Title from Jess Glynne's Take Me Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI on the dates, they are all DDMMYYYY or DDMMYY

There were many situations Isak had never imagined himself in. He never imagined his dad would abandon him and his at the time undiagnosed mother, leaving Isak to try to take care of her on his own at only 16. Or ending up almost blackout drunk and underage in a gay club with a stranger hitting on him until the roommate of one of his schoolmates came to his aid. Having to beg his father every month for rent because he couldn’t bear to return home after his mother’s latest episode that left his with a scar on his right cheek when the broken picture frame containing his parents wedding picture came flying at his face because she thought he was his father. Hiding himself from his friends and trying to get drunk enough at every party to be able to bear making out with someone he felt nothing towards.

But he also never imagined meeting the love of his life in only his second year at Nissen. Finally being at peace with loving a boy, moving in together with that boy and building a life together. Having someone loving to come home to, someone to hold him and someone to hold when things were good and when they got tough. Their engagement, their marriage, their successes and failures; together. Holding their precious daughter and beautiful son for the first time.

His life had turned out beyond his wildest dreams. It was amazing, and when it got bad from time to time, that was still fine, it was still worth it, because the bad times were just a glimpse in their epic story and the good times were just so good, so pure, so abundant, that he knew they would make it through every struggle. Together.

Which is why Isak never imagined his current situation: Filing an application for separation.

 

**Application for Separation**

The Elder Spouse: Even Næsheim Valtersen  
The Younger Spouse: Isak Næsheim Valtersen

 

It was only the day after New Year’s, but Isak couldn’t resist; it had to be fate. It wasn’t too early he told himself, they had been together for four years now and they were strong together. They weathered the worst for each other and made it out on the other end that much stronger for it. He had everything planned out, even what he was going to say. He just had to remember the words when he looked at Even.

Over four years and he still took his breath away, Even was the best thing to happen to him his whole life and it needed to be just right. Shoot, maybe he should have booked a restaurant instead of doing it at home. Would that have been more romantic? Even deserved all the romance in the world and Isak wanted to be the one to provide it for him. He wanted to provide Even with everything for the rest of their lives.

No, their apartment was perfect. They had lived there for the past four years now, their first place together, the only one that mattered. This is where they built their lives together, fought, made up, and made love. Today was a sign, 02.01.21. That was their day. That was their sign that they would be forever. He was on his way home from the grocery store where he had picked up all the ingredients to make pannekaken. Sure, maybe they were not the most appropriate dish for a romantic dinner, or proposal even, but they were Even’s favorite, well Even’s favorite dish that Isak could make perfectly. He was the master of making pannekaken in their home, which was not disputable.

Climbing up the four flights of stairs, he checked his phone and saw he still had a couple of hours before Even was supposed to be home from the university film studio where he was working on his latest short film. He made his way inside remembering he still had to take down a few of the New Year’s decorations. Isak was so lost in his own head, he didn’t notice Even’s shoes already there by the entry way.

But there he was, Even, in the middle of their apartment in a stunning black suit surrounded by a variety of vibrant yellow flowers. Next to him on the kitchen table were a bunch of cheese sandwiches next to a jar of cardamom. Looking at the smile on Even’s face that shone brighter than the sun, he knew that his beautiful boyfriend had had the same idea.

“Halla.” Even’s voice deeper than usual, his stare more intense.

“Halla.” His own smile was starting to match Even’s

“Do you want to put the grocery bags down?”

“I was going to make dinner, but I see you’ve already taken care of that.” Isak was starting to sound breathless, his heart beating faster.

“Mhm, and what were you going to make?” Even moved away from the table and towards where Isak still stood frozen.

“Pannekaken.” He barely got out. Why was he so nervous? He knew what Even was about to do and he was going to do the same thing himself.

“You’re the master at making those.”

“I keep telling you.” Isak smiled shakily

Even was removing the grocery bags from Isak’s hands himself, setting them down on the counter. He took both Isak’s hands into his own and pulled him towards the flowers, the intensity of his stare never wavering.

They were gazing into each other’s eyes for a few minutes now, or hours, who knows. Time always moved differently when it was just the two of them. Their own little universe.  
Isak was snapped out of it by Even’s shaky inhale.

“Isak?”

“Yes.” He immediately responded, his heart racing. Shit, he was supposed to stay cool.

“Yes?” Even’s eyes shone, but his face didn’t change.

“Yes.” He wasn’t staying cool, all he could think of was his future with this beautiful man in front of him.

“Seriously??” Even’s eyebrows rose. “You’ll actually go with me?”

Wait a minute. “Huh? Go where?” This didn’t sound right.

“Gabrielle. I got us tickets to the concert.”

“What?”

“Yeah, didn’t you know she was performing next month? It wasn’t easy to get the tickets.”

Was he messing with Isak? The flowers, the suit? That didn’t make sense. For fucking Gabrielle? But Even’s face betrayed nothing. His eyes still shining with happiness.

Isak was struggling forming words, his face scrunched in confusion and looking slightly put out when Even handed him an envelope.

“Here, I actually managed to get third row.”

Yup, there they were two tickets…and a folded piece of paper within the envelope. Unfolding the paper he saw one of Even’s drawings. Except this time it was the same universe at two different times. The first was the two of them sitting on the floor in Even’s old childhood bedroom eating cheese sandwiches with cardamom. The other was titled “Later in that same universe” and it’s of them at an altar facing each other holding hands. The text above Even reads “Will you marry me?” and above Isak is just a line “____”

“You couldn’t even propose without trying to mess with me or without bringing Gabrielle into this?!”

They were lying in their bed together, Isak’s groceries left out, the meal Even had prepared still untouched, but the bottle of champagne half empty. Both tired, so in love, and very much still naked except for the sheet that Isak had pulled over them halfheartedly.

“What about merging our last names, Nætersen or no wait Valtersheim.”

“Those both sound terrible.” Isak mumbled trying to move even closer on top of Even’s chest where he lay his head. The hand running down his back, the beating of the most precious heart by his ear, and the warm breath gently tousling his hair were making his eyes droop and Isak let himself surrender and relax completely.

“Hmm you’re right, neither of those sound right. Maybe we need to ask Magnus for his input.”

“Please don’t.” Isak groaned. His boyfriend had to be joking about this right? No, not boyfriend, fiancé. His fiancé. “He just chilled with the Evak stuff, let’s not encourage him.”

“Okay, okay we won’t” Even chuckled hugging Isak tighter taking a deep breath. “Can you imagine? You’ll officially be the man of my life, for all time. In all universes?” He heard Even’s astounded whisper and the smile in his voice.

“Mhm, always.” Isak mumbled, a smile on his own lips now. “Why do we need to mash them together anyway, why not keep both?”

“Oh yeah? Isak and Even Valtersen Næsheim?”

“Nah, how about Even and Isak Næsheim Valtersen.”

“We’re going alphabetical?”

“Sure, but also because yours is the first name I want to see next to mine.” Isak grinned up at him through sleepy eyes.

All of a sudden Isak was being flipped on his back with Even hovering just above him, noses grazing slightly.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve every single day I’ve had you in my life.”

“We deserve each other.” He whispered raising his chin asking for a kiss and Even happily closed the distance with his lips. He would never tire of this, the taste of Even’s lips against his and tongue invading his own mouth. The weight of Even on top of him, those loving hands holding and caressing him. Making him feel loved and safe. For all time in all universes, Even was his and he was Even’s.

He was significantly less sleepy once lazy kisses turned heated and Even’s hands started to travel downwards once more.

 

 

Where was the marriage contracted? Oslo, Norway                                                                     Date of marriage: 02.01.25

 

Isak and Even had been planning this day for a year. Well, for four years if counting all the late night conversations they would have in bed imagining what their wedding would look like. Although they would eventually get distracted and find themselves lost in each other, wedding plans falling to the wayside.

They had decided to hold off while Isak finished his master’s degree and pursued his doctorate degree. Even had also gone back to complete his postgrad in film studies. His thesis project “In This Universe and In Every Universe” going on to win a Kanon award. It wasn’t an easy road by all means, there were times they both really struggled. Between school and work and working on a thesis, they would go days without seeing each other at some points. But then there were the times that reminded them that they were in this minute for minute, together.

*

“I think we should skip the God and Julius Caesar costumes” Isak would roll his eyes lying in bed, This time Even resting his head on Isak’s chest.

“But baby, come on the costumes and mini burgers were the original plan” Even joked.

“Hmm the mini burgers can stay” Isak said pulling Even down for a loving kiss.

“Okay” Even whispered when they pulled apart “yes to the mini burgers, no to the costumes. What about just going nude?”

“Even!”

“Fine, fine, we’ll just have to spend our honeymoon naked.”

*

“What about this one?” Even asked.

“Yeah it’s good.” Isak answered shrugging.

“Isak, you’ve said that about the last four cakes we tasted.” Even said impatiently

“I don’t know, I’ve never been a big fan of cake. They all taste fine. Maybe we should have brought along the girls to decide for us.”

“Baby, no. We’re supposed to be making these decisions together. They should be a reflection of our relationship.” Even said exasperated.

“Can it reflect my indifference on cake?” Isak asked grinning.

Even sighed taking a bite of the next one, ending up with a bit of cream on the side of his mouth.

“You’re going to start making me stress eat”

Isak smiled at him taking a step closer before he laced his arms around Even’s neck bringing his face closer to him and licking the corner of Even’s mouth pulling a surprised gasp from Even.

“This one” Isak said looking into Even’s eyes “this is definitely the one.”

*

“Shit, we’re up to 40 people now” Isak said, the binder of containing all their wedding plans including the list of guests, lying on top of his biochem notes.

“40? How did we get to 40? Do we even know that many people?” Even asked looking up from his laptop.

“Between our friends, some of their parents, their partners, my parents, and your family, yeah, apparently we do.” Isak sighed “you sure we can’t run away and elope?”

“You know our friends would never forgive us if we did, nevermind the guilt my mother will rain down on us if we do.” Even kissed his cheek.

“We said we wanted small, close and intimate” Isak whined.

“40 people can still be close and intimate” Even said rubbing his back.

“Well we can’t use your parents’ house now because we’ve got too many people. There’s no way we can fit them all.” Isak stressed before closing the binder and putting it to the side.

Even stroked Isak’s hair back, pulling him closer “it’ll work out, don’t worry.”

“Maybe we should move it to the summer, it’ll be easier to accommodate everyone instead of having it in the middle of fucking winter.”

“Isak, if there is one thing we are not compromising on, it’s the date. Everything else can fall to bits, but I am going to make you my husband on January 2nd.” Even soothes “what about my grandparents’ cabin?” he proposed “It’s pretty big and can easily fit that many people. Plus it’s not too long of a drive out of town and the roads there are well taken care of.”

“You sure they wouldn’t mind?” Isak asked.

“Are you kidding me? They’ve been dying to make a contribution to our wedding. They’d be over the moon to let us use it.”

“You know what I’m over the moon for?” Isak asked grinning as he put away the binder and his research.

“Hmm?” Even asked before looking back at his laptop screen.

“You” Isak said carefully taking the laptop and placing it on their bedside table before climbing into Even’s lap himself.

*

“Nervous?” Jonas asked lightheartedly while helping straighten his tie because Isak’s hands were slightly shaking and he couldn’t seem to focus long enough to do it himself.

“Ugh I don’t why, we’ve been together for 8 years now and engaged for 4 because that romantic fuck couldn’t resist.”

“You both couldn’t resist, you’re both ridiculous and perfect for each other. I’m happy for you, man. There are no two people more deserving than the two of you.”

“You guys ready?” Magnus asked poking his head in the door before letting out a low whistle.

“Holy, if you hadn’t snubbed me back at Nissen, calling me desperate, I’d totally call you bangable right now.” he said.

“Magnus, what the hell? Don’t call him bangable on his wedding day. And it’s been 8 years. Get over it.” Jonas said incredulous.

“What? It’s a compliment and I bet Even would appreciate me calling him bangable.” Magnus sniffed

“Do not call my about-to-be husband bangable, and stop saying bangable” Isak rolled his eyes.

“Fine, but everyone else is ready. So as soon as you’re good to go.” Magnus shrugs.

“Thank you Mags, we’ll be right out” Isak smiled.

He was about to meet his other half at the altar and make their love official, announce it to the world. Not that the world needed to be notified, one look at them even after all these years and it was clear to all that these two were in love.

He’s seen Even in a suit many times and each time it took Isak’s breath away. This time, however, it felt different. This time he was floored looking at Even with his perfectly styled hair, not a single strand out of place except the one lock that liked to hang down.

There stood the man with whom he was about to proclaim their love in front of all of their friends and family. It made Isak’s heart soar. Sure everyone already knew

*

“Now that we’re married, are you ready for the rest of our lives together?” Even had whispered as they shared that first dance together.

“Even, we’ve been married for years. This was just a formality.” Isak laughed

“Hmm true” Even placed a kiss on his jaw “but are you ready?”

“There’s not a single day I want to spend away from you. For the rest of our lives.” Isak said under half closed lids.

The smile on Even’s face was enough to light up the room. He’d never get tired of that sight, Isak thought. Even leaned in for a kiss right then and there and from the cheers from their friends and family it must have been a bit more intense than was appropriate for the public setting. But Isak didn’t care, he was with the man of his dreams and he wanted the whole world to know.

 

**Children of the marriage under 16 years of age**

  
Name:  Julianne Næsheim Valtersen                                                                                            Date of Birth: 09.12.27

 

“Congratulations, you’re going to be parents in just under nine months” was the first thing their surrogate mother, Lisa Gordon told them when Isak and Even answered her video call.

“No way?!” Isak exclaimed looking at Even who already had tears forming in his eyes. He took Evens hand into his own and kissed his knuckles.

It had taken them almost a year to find the right surrogate mother candidate to bring their child into the world. They lucked out with Lisa, a 30 year old mother of three who lived in London. This was going to be her second surrogate pregnancy and it sounded all around promising. It almost sounded too good to be true. With Eva and Noora living in London, there was even the possibility of having their friends with them when their child was born. It almost sounded too good to be true.

And when the pregnancy didn’t take month after month, Isak and Even thought maybe it was. Isak knew Even had started to give up hope in the last couple of weeks so this news was the best news they could have possibly gotten.

“Thank you Lisa” Even says through his tears “thank you so much.”

*

Even hadn’t even taken his shoes off when Isak came running at him “a girl! Even, we’re having a baby girl!” he all but shouted in Even’s face through his excitement. It took Even a moment to catch up with what he’d heard.

“You’re sure?” he asks in awe.

“Yes look, Lisa sent it a moment ago, it’s a sonogram our our little girl growing. And see here’s her head. I think anyway. But look even, our baby.”

Even reached out to wipe the tears from Isak’s face. “We’re having a baby girl” Even laughs. With each update it became more and more real. With each baby book Isak, true to his researcher nature, brought, it became more and more real.

“I mean baby clothes are cute in general, but baby girl clothes? We’re going to dress her like a princess every day. No, wait she’ll have a different outfit for each and every day. And they’ll all be different styles. Let’s not try to push her into being just one thing. But she’ll still be a princess. Our princess.” Isak rambled on until finally Even leaned down to kiss him deeply.

When they finally broke apart, Even ran a hand through Isak’s hair, looking into his eyes “we’re really having a baby girl. We’re going to be dads” he grins.

Isak nodded excitedly “yes we are. Shit, Even, we’re going to shower this kid in so much love she won’t know what to do with it.”

“No she won’t” Even agreed “our home will always be filled with love.”

*

“Isak we need to start picking out baby names” Even called from the bedroom. It was Isak’s turn to cook breakfast and they were both happy to report that each time was an improvement on the last.

“You know, lately every time we’ve said we’re going to pick out a name, it’s turned into code for let’s have sex.” Isak said bringing a tray of bread, butter, smoked salmon, cheese, and some fruit along with a french press and two cups into the bedroom. So maybe it wasn’t cooking necessarily, but it would do. They were intent on keeping with their lazy Sunday makeout tradition while they still could.

“Well this time there won’t be any sex until we’ve chosen.”

Isak whined setting the tray down on the bedside table before sitting down next to Even “but every time we discuss names, I’m reminded that we’re having a baby, which reminds me how much I love you, which then leads me to thinking how fucking hot you are” his words were getting quieter and breathier as he leaned closer to Even “and you know where that leads?”

“Where?” Even whispered not being able to help himself.

“To how much I want you. All. The. Time.” Isak kissed him deeply, half sitting on Even’s lap.

“No” Even finally broke them apart “no” he said again in mock seriousness and sat a pouting Isak back down next to him “we have to pick a name first. Come on,our girl is due in three months. We have to get this done today, baby.”

Isak rolled his eyes accepting the sandwich and coffee Even made him.

“Fine” he says as he took a bite.

After a bunch of rejected names Isak sighed, at this point they were never going to get to their makeout session.

“How about Juliette?” Isak suddenly asked.

Even raised an eyebrow “wow you really are romantic” before he leaned in rewarding Isak with a light kiss on the lips.

“I was thinking Marianne, in memory of your mother.” Even quietly said.

Isak gave him a wet smile “Hmm” he contemplated “what about Julianne?”

“I think that sounds perfect.” Even ran a hand through Isak’s hair, grabbing onto the back of his neck.

“Yeah?” Isak smiled

“Yeah” Even kissed him long and hard. The remainder of their breakfast forgotten as they moved onto the most important part of their Sunday.

*

“Even we need to finalize the theme of the nursery. Julianne will be here in a month and a half, and she could always be early too.”

“Well knowing her dad, she’ll probably be late” Even laughed

“That is not funny, Even.” Isak whined

“Okay, okay baby, how about an animal print theme?”

“No, I’m not sold on that. I want something calmer.”

“A calmer theme?” Even raised a brow.

“Yes, a calmer theme.” Isak repeated like it was so obvious what he meant.

“What about an ocean theme?”

“I don’t want the nursery filled with pictures of fish that could eat her whole, Even!”

Even laughed because he just couldn’t help it. He knew this was just Isak being nervous, as was he, but they were both just handling it a bit differently.

“You’re not taking this seriously” Isak said turning around to leave the room that was still a blank canvas.

Even walked up behind Isak and wrapped his arms around him. “How about the planets and the stars?” he whispers chin resting on Isak’s shoulder, heads leaning against one another. “So that she can look up at the sky and never feel alone.”

“That’s perfect” Isak said turning in his arms “you’re perfect” Isak added before pulling Even down for a kiss.

*

“What’s taking so long, it can’t be this long to deliver a child that’s already on its way out. Evolution has taken care of it. If there are no complications, it shouldn’t be so difficult.”

He knew he was rambling and probably not making sense, but Isak was also scared. There were any one of a million devastating things that could go wrong during childbirth that it really was a miracle so many babies were delivered alive and healthy each day.

Eva chuckled “Oh boy are you lucky you’re not in the room saying those things or there would have been a few objects flying at your head already.”

“And a handful of curses.” Noora added helpfully.

Isak and Even were at the Royal London Hospital waiting for their baby girl to be born. They had been staying with Eva and Noora for the past week and it had been a tense atmosphere in the apartment because they were ready to head to the hospital at any moment. Every time a phone rang everyone would immediately stop what they were doing.

They had been sitting there for the last four hours and if they had to be honest, the atmosphere hadn’t relaxed any.

After a lot of pacing and nervous twitching, their baby girl finally arrived at 20:24.

“Isak and Even?” A nurse asked stepping outside of the room.

“Yes?” Both answered simultaneously jumping to their feet with both anticipation and excitement.

“Come in here and meet your daughter.” Evan and Noora stayed behind while they made their way over holding each other’s hands just a little bit too tight.

Isak had insisted that Even be the first to hold their little blue eyed angel. And there in the delivery room with Julianne in Even’s arms and Isak’s arms around the both of them, their family became complete.

“Thank you” Isak said to Lisa through the tears.

 

Name: Eirik Næsheim Valtersen                                                                                                  Date of Birth: 02.05.25

 

Once Julianne turned 2, Isak went back to his research position full time. Every year Isak would volunteer with a few of his coworkers with the local children's homes. Playing games, doing crafts, and helping them with their science assignments.

This time around it was a little bit different for Isak.

“His mother is no longer able to take care of him and his father is long gone. There’s no one else in the family that can take over his care. He’ll be put into a family home, they will care for him.” The program leader told him when Isak asked about the little boy who sat on his own away from everyone, refusing to talk to anyone.

Of course they would, Isak thought. But he couldn’t get the boy out of his head. The grumpy little boy, so angry at the world, who looked so lost gazing out from under that messy mop of blonde hair. That boy tugged at Isak’s heart.

Their Julianne was surrounded by so much love, that it broke Isak’s heart all over again thinking of the little boy left without any family. Screw it, he was just going to bring it up at least and see where that left him.

“Baby?” Isak asked as he came into their bedroom after Julianne had already been put to bed.

“Hmm?” Even was so engrossed that he didn’t look up from his laptop, but held his arm out over Isak’s side of the bed so he could rest his head on Even’s chest with Even’s arm wrapped around him.

Tucked away safely against his husband he finally asked.

“Are you happy with our family right now?”

Even stopped his reading to gaze down at Isak his eyebrows raised. “I am beyond happy, I am surrounded by two of the most important people in this world to me and more love than I even know what to do with.” Incredulous at the question.

“What do you think about growing our family and sharing that love?”

Even chuckled. “You know that if you want it, we can have 12 kids. Is this because we were packing up Julianne’s baby clothes earlier this week?”

“Sort of, well maybe, not really. But what if we don’t need to do the whole sleepless nights and fussy baby thing again. Once feels like enough.”

“So what were you thinking?” Even ran his hand through Isak’s hair.

“What about adoption?” Isak proposed “these are kids that are already in the world and they all deserve to be loved. We shower Julianne in so much love, I think we have more than enough to go around for another person, don’t you?”

Even smiled, the lightest of wrinkles forming around his eyes “you’re so beautiful, do you know that?” He pulls Isak closer “you have such a big heart and I would love nothing more than to bring another child into our home.”

The process for adopting a specific child turned out to be another challenge they had to overcome since they weren’t being put on a waitlist like as in the regular adoption process. As trying as it was for Isak and Even, it was all worth it the day they got to take 4 year old Eirik home.

There was an adjustment period, having to go from looking after one child to two. That first week Eirik barely said three words, leaving Isak worried they were doing something wrong.

“What if we mess this up?” Isak asked Even near tears one night.

“Baby, my love, look at me” Even said pulling Isak into his arms “you’re the best thing that could happen to anyone. It’ll just take a bit of time to adjust, but it will work out, you’ll see.”

Luckily Julianne and Eirik immediately bonded, although Julianne was only 2, she immediately took a liking towards her new big brother and Eirik would run any toy she could possibly desire to her.

Eirik seemed to warm to Even pretty quickly too, but that was no surprise, no one was immune to Even’s charm. It wasn’t until one day Isak noticed that Eirik spent a lot of time looking at the walls of Julianne’s room that he saw a potential for them to bond.

“Do you like looking at the stars and planets?” Isak asked quietly next to him since Julianne was still down for her nap.

Eirik only shrugged “I guess” he said “they’re kinda pretty.”

“What do you say we go to the planetarium some time this week?” Isak offered “that way you can see some larger models of the planets.”

Eirik smiled slightly “yeah? You’d take me?”

“Of course I will” Isak reassured the boy brows furrowed. Had he not been doing enough to show the boy he’s cared for?

That night Isak was sitting at the kitchen table revising the notes for his next lecture, when he heard the pitter patter of small bare feet on the kitchen tile. He put his glasses down and looked over surprised

“Eirik is everything alright?” checking the clock he saw it was already 22.00, not so late for himself, but late for the 4 year old.

“I couldn’t sleep” he mumbled

“Do you want to come sit here with me for a bit? And then we can try tucking you in again.” Isak offered.

He nodded climbing up on the chair while Isak held the back of it steady.

“Woah that looks cool” Eirik said pointing at the front of Isak’s biochemistry textbook.

“That’s a leaf” Isak tells him

“What? That’s not what a leaf look like at all.”

Isak smiled “not when you and I look at it with our eyes, but if you look at it with a microscope which gets really close and can look at super tiny things, then this is what you see.”

Eirik furrowed his brows "I have really good eyes though" taking the book and putting it right against his face squishing his nose. “I don’t see it” he said nasally.

Isak chuckled “how about after we go to the planetarium we’ll also stop by the science museum and I can show you, it’ll be easier to explain.”

Eirik nodded enthusiastically before yawning.

“Do you wanna go to bed yet?”

“Nah” Eirik shook his head before placing his head on his hands which lay on the table. The next time Isak looked up from his notes he saw that Eirik had fallen fast asleep. Quietly he stood up and lifted the boy into his arms, tucking him safely into his bed and placing a kiss on his forehead before leaving the room.

“See?” Even whispered from the hallway “just a matter of time, no one is able to resist you” He smiled.

And slowly with time and a lot of love, that grumpy little boy became one of the happiest and loved children.

 

**Now**

The kids had gone to bed an hour ago and Isak is left sitting at the kitchen counter on his own, his hand shaking as he finishes filling out the document, telling himself that he is doing the right thing even as his heart is breaking to pieces. He keeps having to wipe away the tears so that he can actually see what he is writing and to keep the ink from getting smudged.

Finally signing and ticking off the last boxes, he eyes the papers on his counter, then the bottle of gin that stands in their living room shelf. They never drank very much, only on special occasions or when the day was just too much to handle. Which was never so often with Even by his side, they could take on anything. Minute for minute, they could do it all together. Together. But Even isn't by his side right now.

How can Isak do it on his own minute for minute when Even permeated every minute in his mind. His half is missing. Well not missing, but very much absent in his life despite the constant pictures in online tabloids and interviews about his latest movies. Isak picks up his phone and dials.

“Sana, I need you to help with the kids in the morning. Please. I don’t want the kids to see me like this tomorrow. Yes, I filled them out. Thank you.”

He picks up the bottle next, pouring himself a generous glass. The next minute he has to get through on his own. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the English translation. I don't know how legit it is, I was just looking for separation doc templates online when I found one in Norwegian and English.
> 
>  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this chapter is very angsty. The flashbacks take place over the course of a year and a half.  
> Thank you so much to everyone taking the time to read this fic and thank you to those who have left kudos and comments, it makes me so happy to know there are people enjoying these chapters :)

**Now**

1 year later

Standing up from the couch, Isak checks the clock, it’s already 20.00 and for once Julianne and Eirik are in bed on time.

“You want another beer?” He asks Jonas who had stopped by after dinner to catch up, just the two of them for once. Adult life has kept the both of them busy between their work and families it’s not always so easy to spend some time just hanging out. Even if they are best friends.

“Sure” Jonas says and Isak grabs two from the fridge, removing the pry off caps before handing one to Jonas and sitting back down.

As much as Isak would like to make more of an effort to spend time with his friends in general, raising two kids on his own and working as a professor at the University of Oslo doesn’t make it easy. Not that he doesn’t have a full support system, he really does. He has his dad and Even’s parents who have been a great help to Isak, never for a moment hesitating or treating him any less than a son regardless of what was going on between him and Even. And should he ever have to ask any of his friends, they would step up at a moment’s notice.

But for once it’s just Jonas and Isak sitting in Isak’s living room. It’s nowhere near the size of the living room he and Even had when they lived in LA but it’s more than large enough for him to be able to still comfortably entertain his friends and family whenever they all gathered together. Despite all the hard times and some bad memories from his year and a half in LA with Even, he has to admit, there were some very good moments between them and their children as well. If only it had been enough...

Isak and Jonas are in the middle of discussing Norway’s progress in qualifying for the Euro Cup this year while the news quietly runs in the background when Jonas clears his throat.

“So have you decided what you’re going to do?” he asks solemnly.

From the tone Isak doesn’t have to guess what he’s talking about. He’s talking about the only topic everyone has been tiptoeing around when Isak is in the room.

“I mean, you’ve been living apart for a year and a half, are you going to be filing for divorce? You’ve done the required 12 month separation.” Like it’s an accomplishment, Isak scoffs. He’s aware that Jonas would never mean it that way, but still. He still feels raw when the topic comes up.

Isak never gave the passing of time much thought. That’s not to say that he hasn’t been painfully aware of how much time had passed since he saw Even last or since he filled out those papers that dreadful night. Or that day he was told by his lawyer that Even had signed off on their separation. He had just dropped off the kids at school and was on his way to the 10.00 lecture he was supposed to teach. He never made it to that lecture. It had taken him the better part of an hour to stop crying and calm himself long enough to put the car into drive and head home.

But he never thought of that time in the context of time leading up to one of them filing for divorce. And now the realization hits him full force. He didn’t think he could feel colder and emptier, but here he is. Is this it? Did they really mean nothing to Even anymore? All those years? Were they not worth fighting for? Does Isak have it in him to still try to fight on his own? They were Evak, they were minute for minute, they were obnoxious pop songs first thing on a Sunday, singing and dancing while making breakfast. They were every universe, they were infinity. But that can’t be true, could it? In infinite universes there must be at least one where they did not end up being each other’s forever. This must be that one. For a moment Isak thinks he may actually hate all the universes where they are happily together.

“Isak?” Jonas pulls him back out of his thoughts.

Isak sighs “I don’t know, I should. I really should. It’s about closure, stability, and moving on, right? But to be honest every part of me doesn’t want to. It’s not healthy though, is it? The kids keep asking when he’s coming back and I have no answers. Fuck, Jonas. They hate me, at least I’m sure Julianne does” Isak says wetly, taking a swig from the bottle trying to swallow down the lump in his throat so he doesn’t break down. He’ll be able to do that later, when he’s alone.. Although, maybe alcohol and emotions weren’t the best decision for tonight.

“They think I’m keeping him from them, that it’s all my fault. And I’m wondering if maybe it is. I should have been stronger for Even” Isak trails off taking a shaky breath

“You’ve been there for the kids providing them with stability, maybe they don’t see that now but they will one day. They don’t mean it, it’s not directed at you, you know that. But you’re just all they have right now.” Jonas says putting a hand on Isak’s shoulder “Isak, you’ve done an amazing job and been unbelievably strong. And I know throughout all this time you still haven’t given up on Even. You did everything you could, you never stopped fighting.”

But did he fight hard enough, he wonders.

*

“I’m home!” Isak called out after entering their three bedroom apartment.

“Daddy!” Julianne yelled and both her and Eirik ran to hug a leg each in greeting.

Isak crouched down to hug the both of them tightly “how are my two favourite children?” He asked.

“We’re your only two children” Eirik giggled

“Hmm, you’re right” Isak said thoughtfully “well you’re definitely top two”

“Daaad” Eirik whined and just like every other time that Eirik comfortably called Even pappa or him dad, his heart soared.

Isak kissed the top of each of their heads “Absolutely my favorites” Isak said kicking off his shoes “what were you guys up to today? Keeping your pappa on his toes I hope?”

“I heard that” came a voice from the kitchen and Isak’s smile grew that much more.

“We made dinner with pappa” Julianne said proudly.

“Did you, now?” Isak asked guiding both kids into the kitchen where Even stood stirring something in the saucepan before turning the stove down and turning to Isak to kiss him in greeting.

“Yes they were a great help” Even said smiling sending a wink to the little ones and sending the kids into giggles.

“Do I want to know?” Isak asked amused.

“You really don’t” Even gave him another quick kiss on the lips.

Isak shook his head fondly.

“Did you two want to show your dad what you made him?” Even asks Eirik and Julianne who scurry to the kitchen table to grab their drawings to show Isak.

“That is beautiful” Isak said to Eirik who reached him first showing him a stick figure drawing of their entire family “so beautiful” he repeated placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Wait is that a dog in the picture?” Isak asked.

Eirik nodded eagerly.

“We don’t have one of those though”

“Yet” Eirik grinned widely.

Isak narrowed his eyes slightly and looked to Even. What had he promised them? But Even shrugged his shoulders and gave him a look to say ‘you can handle this one’.

“Let’s put that idea on the back burner for now” Isak said.

Luckily Eirik got distracted by Julianne who had brought her drawing to Isak.

“It’s a tornado!” their four year old daughter exclaimed saving Isak from having to decipher the picture.

“A tornado?” Isak asked astonished “what inspired you to draw that?”

“Pappa called me his little tornado” she said proudly and Isak couldn’t help but chuckle, neither could Even.

“Alright well both of these are amazing, I think they deserve the fridge door, don’t you?” Isak asked Even.

“Absolutely” Even nodded in agreement and Isak turned to grab two magnets.

“Wait, is that sauce on the door here?” Isak asked confused and turned around to find three far too innocent faces staring back at him.

.

“What’s on your mind?” Isak asked Even later that night as they were getting ready for bed, calling it an early night after tucking Eirik and Julianne in for the night.

“I got a call back about that movie they wanted me to direct.” Even told him getting into his half of the bed.

“The one about the drug dealer in the ‘80s?”

“Mhm, they are going through with it, but they wanted to know if I was still on board with it.”

“That’s amazing baby, that’s a really great opportunity for you” Isak said stepping out of their bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth.

“It is” Even said hesitantly.

Isak rinsed his mouth out and put the toothbrush back before returning to their room and climbing into bed.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“It’s being filmed in Los Angeles” Even said after another moment’s pause.

Isak looked thoughtful “so that would mean we’d have to move”

Even nodded “maybe I should just turn it down” he said after they had been silent for a few moments “it’s a pretty big film, they probably need someone more reliable than me” Even said eyes cast down. Isak knew he what he was hinting at immediately.

“Baby this has been your dream, and they’d be lucky to have you” Isak said “If you want to pursue it, I will wholeheartedly support you. Yeah it’ll probably be tough at first and take some adjusting, but I’m sure we can make it work” Isak reassured him.

“You sure?” Even asked, eyes awed.

“Anything for you baby” Isak smiled despite the slight gnawing feeling in his stomach. This was for Even and Isak would have agreed to anything in that moment looking into Even’s eyes which were filled with sheer happiness and possibility.

*

Although Isak’s english was nowhere near as strong as Even’s, Isak fortunately found it easy to get acquainted with his new colleagues. That’s the nice thing about working for a university, you could always find that camaraderie over a subject.

Isak had found it surprisingly easy to build new friendships as well with people inside and outside of his department. He had never felt the need to hide who he was with them as they were quick to welcome Even and the kids at one of the family barbeques his department would hold.

It made Isak feel enthusiastic about their situation. Maybe the nagging in his stomach had been nothing. They could thrive here.

*

Isak’s first inkling at how different his new coworkers were going to be from Even’s and that he wasn’t going to like some of the people Even would have to surround himself with, was during the first prestigious hollywood party they attended.

Even was off talking to a few of his coworkers on the film and Isak was stuck listening to a group of people he didn’t know talking about forming some sort of group, he had stopped paying attention a while ago to be honest.

“Isaac?” The woman, Lydia, asked. Or was it Vanessa? Isak couldn’t remember.

“I’m afraid that’s requires a bit more time than I can commit right now” Isak said trying to decline politely hoping that would do the trick “between work and the kids, we’ve had our hands full. We want to make sure we’re there for them especially after this big of a move” he explained

“Why not just get a nanny?” the one man, Paul?, said “believe me, it frees up a lot of your time.”

Isak looked surprised “we actually decided against using a nanny before Julianne was born” he said

“Shame, we’d have loved for you to join our wine tasting group.” Paul said slightly flirtatious which Isak decidedly ignored. So that’s what they have been talking about.

“Oh my goodness, have you seen what Vera was wearing? Cheap knockoff much?” Lydia/Vanessa cut in.

Isak definitely wasn’t standing with the right group.

.

“So what was your impression?” Even asked trying to contain himself as they headed home.

“That was the worst thing I’ve ever been to” Isak burst out laughing “I have never heard so much trash talking in my life and I dated Sara of all people.”

Even joined in “I’m sorry baby, I promise not to leave your side for even a moment” he kissed Isak’s cheek smiling brightly.

“Not even to go to the washroom?” Isak responded sassily.

“Isak, bathroom sex takes two people.” Even said as if he were explaining something obvious.

Isak swatted at Even’s shoulder playfully “you know what, just for that you now have to make it up to me.” poking Even in the chest with a pointer finger.

Even looks thoughtful for a moment pulling Isak into his arms “how about I start to making it up to you in the bathroom and finish in the bedroom?”

*

Even’s movie ended up taking off and it was received well all over, which Isak could have told everyone from the beginning. He had faith in Even’s ability to bring the most beautiful stories to life.  
But while Isak expected the actor’s lives to be invaded with people wanting pictures and interviews, he wasn’t expecting that to happen to them. He had never heard of directors having their privacy invaded.

“How do you balance it?” His co worker, Timothy, who had become a good friend of Isak’s asked interrupting Isak’s thoughts.

“What do you mean?” Isak asked.

“You just seem so down to earth, I can’t imagine you attending all of those Hollywood style parties and with all of those pictures of you two in every other magazine. You two are like the new power couple or something.” Timothy smiled.

Isak chuckled “we don’t really go to many events, and I’ve been trying to stay home with the kids when I can.” Isak hesitated “the pictures are not something we can ever get used to though to be honest.”

“Must be tough trying to balance it all” Timothy said smiling sympathetically.

“We manage, we’re pretty strong together and we have a good system going” Isak grinned.

“God, looking at the two of you makes me feel jealous, don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone have what you two have.”

Isak smiled, what Even and he had was something special.

*

“Oh look” Even laughed in their large kitchen in their larger than necessary house in Isak’s opinion “we’re apparently the hot new couple” Even raised his eyebrows at some gossip blog.

“Hmm” Isak looked thoughtful “I hope we don’t become those people reading trash blogs” Isak said scrunching his nose.

“Nah” Even reassured him “plus I don’t think anyone will remember us in a week. These sites have the attention span of a fruit fly” he placed a kiss on Isak’s scrunched up nose and Isak’s face immediately relaxed.

“I really don’t think it’s anything to worry about baby” Even said pulling him into a hug burying his face where Isak’s neck met his shoulder placing small kisses all over.

“The kids are still going to be napping for another hour or so” Isak said, the previous topic of conversation long forgotten.

Even smiled widely “then let’s not waste any time” he said hands already reaching under Isak’s shirt.

*

“Even, how do you not see the problem here? I don’t want our children photographed by random people on the streets. It’s not cute or newsworthy. It’s invasive.” Isak angrily snapped “That’s not how I want our children growing up.”

“I know I’m so sorry baby, but It’ll pass soon” Even tried to soothe Isak “they’ll move on soon enough once everything surrounding the movie dies down. It’ll all go back to normal.”

“No! Don’t you get it? Even my own social media is fucked, our friends had to make all of their accounts private all because people can’t mind their fucking business.”

Even looked lost, unsure how to respond to Isak.

Isak knew it wasn’t Even’s fault, but he was wound up and didn’t know how to stop the words. It was almost as if he existed outside of his own body.

Isak took a shaky breath, tears of frustration already threatening to fall “I signed up for you being behind the camera, not in front of it.”

Even staggered back as if Isak had physically hit him “what are you saying?” Isak knew exactly what Even is asking, what he was worrying about. That Isak would one day wake up and decide he did not want to be with Even anymore. And despite what he was feeling right then, he knew needing to re-assure Even was more important.

“I’m not saying anything” Isak letting out a breath angrily “just that we need to figure something out, I don’t want our children having their privacy violated. I’ve seen how these things can turn on people.”

*

“I’m sorry” Isak whispered getting under the blanket next to Even who was facing away from him “it wasn’t you that I was angry at. It wasn’t fair for me to take it out on you.”

He put his head on Even’s shoulder, missing his touch and could feel the deep sigh released underneath him.

“I’m so, so sorry” he whispered. He hated himself for upsetting Even who had done nothing but work hard and still tried his best to be there for his family all the same.

“It’s alright, I’m sorry too” Even said voice hoarse “I should have tried better to protect all of you.”

“You couldn’t have known” Isak said into the back of Even’s neck “neither of us did.”

Even turned around to face Isak “maybe this was all a mistake, maybe we should never have come here”

“No baby, don’t say that. I was out of line. This is your dream. I would never want to take that away from you.”

“You and the kids are my dream” Even said running a hand through Isak’s hair and down his cheek tenderly.

Isak smiled leaning into his hand and placed a kiss on the inside of Even’s wrist “funny, because you and the kids are my dream too.”

*

Two weeks before the end of Even’s second project he had a manic episode and almost destroyed all of the footage they had spent filming. He had an epiphany he claimed, the movie was all wrong and he had the right.

“I don’t understand why everyone is fighting me on it? It will win at every award show, you’ll see.” Even told Isak when he came home. He said it so fast it had almost sounded like one word. It took Isak a moment for his brain to process exactly what Even had said.

“Even, when was the last time you’ve slept?” Isak suddenly asked.

Isak should have seen it, should have recognized the signs. But with all that was happening in their lives he had almost stopped paying attention to Even.

“See you’re not listening to me either” Even said moping for just a moment before “I think we should fix all my movies. They could have been so much more epic. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”

Isak had called the babysitter to look after the kids so he could keep an eye on Even and by 05.00 the next morning Even had crashed into a deep depression lasting almost two weeks. It was the first time Isak had to go through it without the support of his friends and family on top of having to reassure Eirik and Julianne that their father would be okay.

It had been almost impossible to get Even to drink anything let alone eat something for the first week. Isak had been so scared that it would get to the point of Even having to be hospitalized and the overwhelming relief he had felt when Even finally took his first drink of water had him feeling guilty.

“I have to work twice as hard” Even panicked after coming out of it “I have to prove myself that I’m reliable all over again. That I can commit”

“Baby you’re perfect and everyone’s been very understanding” Isak soothed lying in bed next to him. And they had been understanding. Though Isak couldn’t help but think that the only reason was because nothing was actually damaged.

“Do you think they’ll be willing to take another chance on me?” Even whispered

“Even, you’re definitely worth another chance.” Isak reassured him firmly.

*

Despite a rocky few months between Isak and Even, their new year’s had been nice and calm. Isak was pleasantly surprised when Even had opted for a quiet night in with his family instead of dragging Isak to some party.

It was just the four of them and Even’s parents who had flown out for the holidays. Well them and their new dog, aptly named Tornado. Isak hadn’t been too pleased at not having been consulted by Even on the addition to their family which he knew partially stemmed out of the guilt Even had felt for not being around enough.

He was going to talk to him later telling him that the dog couldn’t make up for his absence and that they needed him there more often. But it was their wedding anniversary and Isak wasn’t about to bring it up that day. Instead he put on a romantic dinner for Even and himself. Even’s parents had taken the kids and Tornado to a hotel for the night leaving them all alone in the house and Isak was planning on making use of every minute of it.

But as the minutes and the hours passed and Even still had not returned from the studio, despite it only being the 2nd of January and nothing was scheduled for shooting, Isak started to grow annoyed. He scoffed looking at himself dressed up, the meal having long ago gone cold. It was past 19.00 already and he didn’t so much as get a text from Even. Though he chose not to text him to remind him either, feeling spiteful at the fact that Even was not spending their anniversary with Isak.

By the time Even finally came home, Isak was sitting on the couch three beers in watching some football match he wasn’t even paying that close attention to. Or soccer, he supposed since he was in America now. Nah, fuck it, it’s still football he thought.

Even approached Isak cautiously, being able to sense his mood from the front door.

“Hey baby, I’m so sorry” Isak was getting sick of that song so he stayed silent taking another drink.

“I got so lost in the editing that I lost all track of time and you know those rooms have no windows.” Even chuckled nervously.

“Where are the kids?” Even asked looking around. Oh this was good, he didn’t remember the significance of today. Isak scoffed taking a larger swig and stayed silent. He was pretty sure he crossed from being angry to emotional half a beer ago. So half of the reason for staying silent was simply self preservation.

“Fuck” Even exclaimed. There you go, Isak thought.

“Fuck, baby. I fucked up” Even came around to grab his hand, panicked, “Love, what I did was completely inexcusable.” He continued on apologizing trying to get close to Isak when something within Isak cracked.

Maybe Isak just wanted Even to stop talking so he just turned and kissed him deeply, roughly before standing up and dragging them both to the bedroom where he started taking off both of their clothes.

“You sure? Wait baby, it’s been a while. We need to-”

“It’s already been taken care of” Isak quickly said moving on Even. It was the first thing he said to Even since he came home. He had intended to make use of every minute, but to make each other burn with want and love, not this.

That was the first time they had had anything resembling hate sex and Isak, well, hated it, but he was out of words. He didn’t know how to communicate with Even anymore. Since words weren’t working he tried to use his body instead. It wasn’t the satisfaction he was looking for however and it managed to leave something hollow inside of Isak after having used them both like that.

*

It had been over two weeks since Isak and Even had been in the same room together for more than ten minutes and Even would usually come home late when Isak was already asleep and leave before Isak woke the next morning.

With his busy schedule it fell to Isak to be there for the kids. Not that he minded one bit, he loved being there with them but he still missed the support Even would normally provide. It didn’t start out like that. Originally they had a schedule, Even would take care of the kids in the morning and Isak would take the afternoons. They would always manage to fit a few family dinners in a week.

It ended up lasting for about three months before Even started getting calls at all hours and had to go to the studio or go to a filming location.

“It’s only hectic now because we’re finishing everything up and of course it all keeps going wrong” Even sighed.

Isak had accepted the explanation, because he knew Even was trying and he could see the toll that the absence from his family was taking on him.

Even was out at some event and Isak had opted to stay in with the kids and watch movies instead. It didn’t feel quite right without Even there, but with one child sitting on each side of him, his heart felt full and warm.

That night getting ready for bed something continued to crack inside of Isak. He didn’t think he could do it anymore, looking at Even’s empty side of the bed. He needed Even desperately, but the fear that Even would abandon his lifelong dreams for him was greater. So instead Isak was spending yet another night in bed crying while Even was still out.

*

“Can’t you see? These hours aren’t good for you, you need structure” Isak tried “When’s the last time you’ve gotten a full night's sleep?”

“I thought we were supposed to be equals here, but apparently you’re trying to now be my caretaker instead” Even snapped.

“Even, you know that that’s not what I am trying to do here. I am trying to help you” Isak pleaded trying to have Even see his point.

“By controlling me? Telling me what hours I should work now? Counting my pills? Yeah I saw you do that. What happened to trusting me?” Isak wished that this was the first time he’d seen Even this angry, but it wasn’t. Not lately. All they seemed to do was fight. The smallest of things all turned into an argument and both had no idea how to stop the cycle.

“You already had a manic episode, the first one in almost four years. You had everything under control, but as soon as we moved here, your entire schedule went out the window. I just don’t want you to have to go through it again if we can at all avoid it.”

“You’re starting to sound like Sonja did when she tried to take control of my health.” Even said under his breath.

“Oh that’s bullshit and you know it” Isak burst out “that was over ten years ago. You don’t get to try to use the Sonja card to try to talk your way out of this.”

“Now you’re trying to tell me how to feel?”

“You know that that’s not what I’m doing. Stop twisting my words.”

“I have worked so hard to make sure we have everything we could possibly need, to prove to everyone I could do it.” Even says raising his voice, upset now “and all I am getting in return is you telling me how that is still not enough.”

“Even, you’re more than enough. It’s you that we need, not everything else. We only need you to be around more.” The words were meant to be reassuring and soothing, but Isak was getting worked up himself so they came off as harsh and accusatory instead.

Even looked like he was going to say something else but in that moment his phone rang and Isak scoffed rolling his eyes.

“I have to get the kids ready anyways” Isak said bitterly walking out of their room.

*

“I’m sorry” Even cried cradling Isak to him in their large bed “I promise I’ll try harder for you and the kids.”

Isak sniffed, trying to get his own tears under control “I...I think I want to move back to Oslo with the kids. I think it’s what’s for the best.”

Even froze. “You want to leave me?” he asked both shocked and scared.

“No” Isak said “No, I want you to come with me. I can’t do this here anymore. It’s just so exhausting day in and out. I thought I could be strong for you, but I can’t. I’m not”

“Don’t leave, Isak. Please stay” Even wept as he hung on to Isak who was clinging to the front of Even’s shirt shedding tears of his own. “It’ll be different, we’ll make changes.”

“I can’t, Even. I’ve tried and I can’t.”

“You can’t do this to us.”

“I don’t want to, but there’s no other choice. We keep saying we’ll make changes and it always goes back to how it was. I’ve tried to see if things will get better. But they just keep on getting worse.”

Lying there together that night they knew there was no way around it.

“It’s just a bit of distance, we’ll be fine. It’s not the end.” Isak vehemently whispered “this isn’t the end of us.”

They fell asleep holding one another that night and the next day Isak woke up alone, knowing that Even had to be at a shoot early that morning. So on his own he started making a few calls back home and began packing up some of their belongings.

It hadn’t been so easy to get out of his fellowship, but ultimately the department head must have taken pity on Isak and his situation. One month later everything was ready for Isak and the children to return to Oslo.

*

The day after coming back, Isak went to visit his father on his own. They had never found that father son balance in their relationship, but their relationship now was based somewhat on mutual respect.

His father wanted to be a part of his grandkids’ lives and Isak wasn’t about to deny it if he was willing to make the effort. It wasn’t perfect, but the man was trying.

Isak was greeted at the door with a respectful nod.

“I’m really happy to see you again, son. Though I wish it could have been under better circumstances”.

“Me too” Isak solemnly noded. He wasn’t completely sure why he decided to see his dad of all people at a time like this. Was he punishing himself? Telling himself he was no better than his father who left when things got too tough?

“I don’t know if I did the right thing” Isak said after a while of quiet in the small kitchen. The only sounds were his dad preparing some coffee for the two of them.

“Ah” his father nodded “I’m not sure I can give you the answer here, son. You may not know if it was the right or wrong decision for years.”

“How did you feel when you walked away?” Isak asked suddenly and his father looked momentarily surprised at the bluntness of the question.

“Relief” Isak’s face snaps to him and at least his father had the decency to look ashamed.

“Your mother and I had been long over at that point. It just wasn’t right for me to stay.” It wasn’t right to stay and look after his son apparently either. Isak squashes down the thought. He wasn’t 16 anymore and he’s long since made peace with all that had happened. It wasn’t worth dwelling on. It wasn’t healthy.

His father smiled sadly “but we weren’t you and Even and you and Even are not us.”

“Do you mind if I ask how you’re feeling?” His father cautiously asked placing one of the cups in front of him.

Isak closed his eyes and leaned back for a moment before opening them, looking at the ceiling.

“Like someone gouged my heart out.” he quietly said.

His father nods “well you and Even have always had a special relationship.” he said “but remember that you did what you thought was best for both you and the kids. It wasn’t a good situation for a family.”

No it really wasn’t. But Isak still couldn’t help the nagging. That feeling that told him he was no better than his dad, that he should have tried harder.

*

It was the third scheduled video call Even had missed in a row. Isak wasn’t even surprised this time. He knew Even’s schedule was hectic, but they only needed a few minutes. He needed only a few minutes to see Even’s face and reassure himself that they could do this that Isak was strong enough. Seeing Even would give him the strength he needed.

He also knew that this was hurting Julianne and Eirik. They tried to hide it from him, but he saw their disappointed faces every time Even didn’t call. Their family just wasn’t complete without him.

Isak was becoming more and more restless as time passed. He was exhausted. And he was running out of excuses to tell the children each time something came up for Even.

That night when Even did finally call well past midnight it ended in raised voices from both ends. They were both trying, but somehow it just wasn’t enough.

*

“I want to talk to Pappa before I go to bed! Why isn’t he calling, what did you say?! I heard you yelling at him on the phone! Why do you have to ruin everything!” Julianne yelled.

She was standing in the hallway in her pajamas and wouldn’t go to bed, no matter what Isak had tried. Even had promised to call to tell her and Eirik goodnight, but something must have come up, because no matter how hard Isak tried to get a hold of him, he couldn’t.

“Julianne, you cannot talk to me that way. Pappa’s very busy with work right now and he will call as soon as he can.” Isak tried calmly.

“It’s not fair, why do I have to miss out on time with Pappa because you got angry with him!” Julianne continued with her tantrum, arms folded across her chest, stomping around.

Isak sighed trying to keep it together. It had been such a trying night that he himself wanted to throw a temper tantrum until Even finally came back. The difference was that Isak was an adult and knew that wasn’t a solution, no matter how cathartic it may feel for the moment.

“I won’t ask again, Julianne, please. You need to head to bed now.” Isak repeated “I can tuck you in tonight.”

“No! I don’t want you in here” Julianne shouted slamming her bedroom door and she continued to slam things around in her room.

Julianne did finally quiet down, but only after she cried herself to sleep. All the while Isak sat in the hall outside her room, listening to his little girl weep, his own tears running down his face. Eirik’s bedroom door creaked open and the boy and their dog, Tornado, came out sitting down on either side of Isak. He held them both closely to him until Eirik fell asleep on the ground with his head in his dad’s lap.

Even Kosegruppa <3

Where were you?  
You promised the children you’d wish them a good night  
Your phone is always on you, since when are you ignoring messages?

I’m so sorry baby  
We had to do a re-shoot and it was time sensitive  
I couldn’t answer my phone

You knew what time the kids went to bed  
You broke your promise to them

And I am so incredibly sorry for that.

It’s not me you have to apologize to, it’s the kids

I will find a way to make it up to them, and you  
I promise

Don’t promise something if you can’t deliver on it.

I love them dearly. I love you  
Do you have time to talk now?

A part of Isak wanted to be spiteful, to ignore Even, to give him some excuse, like the fact that it was now midnight and he desperately needed to get some sleep. But the larger part of him wouldn’t let him. Wouldn’t let him shut Even out completely.

“I’m so sorry baby” was the first thing Even said to him looking almost as haggard as Isak felt.

Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, maybe it was listening to his daughter cry herself to sleep, maybe it was the fact that he missed Even, needed him, but he wasn’t here, or maybe it was all of those things and then some. But Isak couldn’t stop the tears from flowing freely.

“No baby, no don’t cry” Even begged.

Isak shook his head not knowing what to say.

“I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to all of you. Baby I promise. This is all temporary.”

“It’s been three months, Even. And you’re still not back home. Instead you started a whole new project. And I just don’t know how much longer I can do this” Isak choked out through the tears. He was just so exhausted.

“They asked me to consult as a favor, I couldn’t say no to them. I didn’t think it would take this much time. It was only supposed to be a couple of weeks.” Even tried, but from the sound of his voice Isak could tell that even he thought it was a flimsy excuse.

“And yet you seem to be saying no to your family just fine” Isak knew the words hurt Even deeply. He didn’t need to look at Even on his phone screen to know.

“I have to finish this” Even says quietly “I can’t just up and leave”

“Yeah I know” Isak conceded.

“Just two more months and then I’m done. Then I’m coming back home and everything will be alright again. Just please, Isak - please don’t give up on me.”

“I don’t think I ever could give up on you”

*

“Even you said you’d be only two more months. It’s been well past that. When are you finally coming home?” Isak knew his voice was raising with each word, but he was exhausted and all he was getting from Even were delays and excuses. He couldn’t handle it today, not after the shit day he’s had.

“Baby I’m sorry, the timeline keeps changing. The lead-”

“I just can’t believe that you won’t find the time for even one weekend. Just one weekend that’s all I’m asking for.”

“I’ve been trying, I promise. But all these urgent things just keep coming up every time I try to get away.”

“Urgent things that aren’t your family, you mean”

*

“Even, the movie wrapped up a month ago”

“It’s just promo for the film-”

“You were consulting on it, what the hell do you have to do with promoting the stupid thing?” Isak burst out.

“They think I could help get it some good publicity-”

“Just answer me this, Even. Do you even want to come home?”

*

**Now**

“Do you want anything else? I can throw a pizza in the oven or something.” Isak offers Jonas as he stands up from the couch, stretching. “I just have to go check to make sure the kids are asleep.” He stretches checking the clock. It’s already 21.20, so they’d most likely be out for the night, but he prefers the peace of mind of checking, seeing them safe and sound.

Before Isak is halfway out the room he hears a familiar voice coming from the TV that makes him freeze. Right there on his TV screen is Even.

“It’s been so lovely watching your career grow. Every one of your projects has been so wonderfully received. I know all of Norway is quite proud of you.”

“Thank you, those are really kind words. I hope to continue doing everyone proud.” Even says gracing the interviewer with one of his thousand watt smiles.

“I’m sure you will.” The interviewer smiles back, it’s tough not to around Even. “You’ve had great successes in Hollywood, do you mind me asking why come back to Norway and bring your vision to life on a much smaller scale?”

“Oslo has always been my home,” Even tells her before glancing at the camera for a moment “my home and heart have always been here.”

“That’s a lovely reason” she continues “so, Even, tell us what this movie, Minute for Minute, is going to be about?”

“It’s a movie about parallel universes and a lonely man who one day wakes up in another universe. There he meets the love of his life and together they have the most epic of romances. Until one day he wakes up back in his old universe, alone. The love of his life exists in this universe too, but in this one they were not meant to be, no matter how hard he tries. So he spends each minute for the rest of his life trying to make it back to the universe where his love is.”

“Sounds tragic.” The interviewer chuckles.

“It is, but eventually he does make it back. It takes him the rest of his life but he does finally get one last moment with his love. See, he never gave up.” Even gives her another bright smile, but Isak knows him enough to see that it doesn’t fully each his eyes.

“Wow, I’m tearing up just listening to you talk about it” she fans her face with the q-cards, smiling “I imagine the movie itself will leave many in tears. Well thank you so much for coming onto the show, it’s been a pleasure having you on.”

“Of course, and thank you again for having me.” He shakes her hand before the camera zooms in on the interviewer.

“That was Even Næsheim Valtersen, talking about his upcoming movie Minute for Minute. Join us again after the break when we will share tips on how to throw your best dinner party yet.”

Jonas seemingly coming out of his shock mutes the TV “well that was unexpected.”

“Did you know he was back?” Isak asks gripping the back of the sofa to keep his hands from shaking.

“I honestly had no idea.” Jonas says.

Isak nods, his mind racing and yet completely blank because he cannot process a single thought he is having now. What does this all mean?

“You know it doesn’t have to change anything for you if you don’t want it to” Jonas says.

No, it doesn’t have to, but Isak has a feeling it will.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter gets a lot more descriptive and is a bit long. I've actually had to split chapter 3 into two pieces. I'm not quite sure how long part two will be, but here is Chapter 3 part 1.
> 
> Their ages right now are Isak - 34, Even - 36, Julianne - 6, Eirik - 8

Now

2 weeks later

Much to his younger self’s dismay, mornings have become Isak’s favorite time of the day. Especially since he’s managed to find a rhythm that works well for them all. He’s had to. And now it’s like clockwork every morning.

Wake up, put on his running clothes, stretch, take Tornado for a morning run, put food in Tornado’s bowl, turn on the coffee maker, jump in the shower, get dressed, wake the kids, prepare their breakfasts, wake the kids again, make sure they brush their teeth and get dressed, sit them down for breakfast all the while himself enjoying his coffee and breakfast and also making the kids’ lunches, have the kids take Tornado out into the courtyard, drop them off at school, and finally head to the university.

It took a lot of fine tuning, but they finally have it down.

“Julianne, finish eating your fruit please” Isak asks his daughter who is busy picking at her breakfast instead, trying to dissect the pieces of kiwi with her fork like they have personally wronged her.

“I don’t think I want to eat green colored food anymore” she says continuing to pick at her plate.

Well this is new. Isak looks over to Eirik who simply shrugs and goes back to his cereal.

“What do you mean?” Isak asks curious “since when don’t you like green colored food? I thought your favorite was peas.”

“I don’t like those anymore either. Green is a stupid color” she mopes.

“Why do you say that?” He asks “Did something happen?”

Julianne sighs “no, I just decided.”

Knowing he won’t get much farther than that right now, Isak sighs and decides to let it go unless she brings it up again later. Sometimes Julianne would decide these things but forget what her position on a certain food or color was a few hours or days later. He checks the clock to see they are right on schedule.

“Eirik, could you please take Tornado out quickly? Julianne, how about a couple of spoons of oatmeal, will you have that instead?”

“Ugh no, not your grown up food. It has seeds and stuff in it” Julianne wrinkles her nose.

“Okay, then how about a banana, here you go. It’s nice and yellow.” he slides the fruit over to her and goes back to packing the sandwiches into the kids’ bags.

Julianne shrugs unenthusiastically, but eats it without any complaints so Isak considers it a victory.

Once Eirik and Tornado return they have just enough time for him to get shoes and jackets on the kids and head out to the car. Isak has made sure that the children are all buckled in when his phone goes off.

 

Even Kosegruppa<3

Hi Isak, do you think we could talk?

 

Isak’s heart starts pounding. It’s the first time he’s seen a notification from Even in a long time. Isak looks to the kids, he can’t let himself deal with this right now. He has to get them to school. So he pushes all thoughts of Even out of his mind, like he’s done so many times before, and walks around the car to sit in the driver’s seat, buckling in and taking one last look at both kids in the rearview mirror before pulling into the street.

“Can Markus come over after school today?” Eirik asks was they’re driving down the main road on the way to school.

“If Eirik can have a friend over, can Elise come over too?” Julianne cuts in.

“Grandma and grandpa are picking you up after school today and I’ll be home late, so how about they both come over tomorrow instead?” Isak offers and is met with a chorus of agreement.

At the school he kisses the top of each child’s head wishing them a good day and watches them disappear through the front doors of the school

 

Even Kosegruppa<3

You can stop by on Saturday while the kids are at your parent’s

Thank you

 

Isak forces himself to put Even out of his mind again, this time for the rest of the day. It’s tough, but he’s gotten better at it over the past year. He’s had to, otherwise he’d never be able to get anything done. Or be able to get out of bed most mornings.

The rest of Isak’s day continues on another schedule: giving a lecture, meeting with his graduate student, marking, working on a research article, another lecture, meeting with some of his colleagues, more marking, and planning out some. Like clockwork. He takes comfort in the certainty of it all.

It’s 18.40 when he steps out of his car and knocks on Liv and Jørn’s front door. The door opens and he’s met by a smiling Liv who immediately pulls him into a hug in greeting.

“Isak, my dear how are you?” They had seen each other just three days ago, but no matter how much or how little time has passed, Liv would always embrace him like it has been far too long. She has been like a mother to Isak even before he had lost his own.

“Good” he smiles “a bit longer than expected” he grimaces “and you?” taking off his jacket and stepping out of his shoes. The balmy November weather has him appreciating the warmth within the home.

“Oh we’ve been fine, staying busy and staying young.” she smiles leading him to the kitchen “have you eaten dinner? Here let me fix you a plate and warm it up.”

“Sure, that’d be great” he’d probably skip it all together if he were to wait until he got home.

“Where are the kids? Sounds suspiciously quiet.”

Liv laughs putting the plate into the microwave “Jørn has them painting upstairs here let me call them.” she goes to the bottom of the stairs and yells up “Kids, your dad’s here, come say hi.”

There’s a moment of quiet before he can hear the pounding of their feet running down the stairs, Tornado in tow. They must have stopped in to pick him up on their way over.

“Daddy” Julianne runs at him full force throwing herself at him. Isak pulls her into a hug and places a kiss on her cheek.

Eirik also comes running when Isak holds open his other arm for him and squeezes him tight and placing a kiss on his cheek as well.

It’s these moments that Isak lives for with his children in his arms. No matter how his day may have gone, holding them at the end of it always had everything else melt away.

“Hello my two favorite children” he greets happily surprised at Julianne’s clinginess. When she still doesn’t relent a minute later he grows suspicious “okay, what are you going to ask me for?” Isak gives her a knowing look.

“Ingrid is having a sleepover this Friday, can I go? Please? All the other girls are going and even Elise is allowed to go.”

“I don’t know” he hesitates “I thought you and Eirik were going to spend Saturday out with grandma and grandpa?”

“But it’ll be done in the morning, so I can still go then. Please daddy.”

“Jørn and I can always pick her up from her friend’s place in the morning.” Liv offers.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, fine you can go,” Isak agrees “I’ll need her parent’s phone number by then though.”

“Thank you daddy I love you so so much” Julianne hugs him once more before turning to run up the stairs

“Did you do your homework?” he calls after her.

He gets a “yes” back from the top of the stairs.

He looks to Eirik still pulled close to him and smiles “how was your day buddy?”

“I got my science test back, look dad, 100%” Eirik pulls up the paper that he was holding up to proudly show Isak.

“That’s fantastic, Eirik, I’m so proud of you” he squeezes him once more and kisses the crown of his head loudly twice making Eirik squirm a little “Da-ad!”

“Hey since your sister will be gone on Friday, what do you say to a boy’s night to celebrate?”

“Yes!” Eirik enthusiastically exclaims “can we get pizza?”

“Of course” Isak agrees.

“Cool, I’m so gonna beat you at Fifa.” Eirik says before running back up the stairs to join Jørn and Julianne.

Isak looks to Liv who’s smiling fondly over the exchange.

“Unbelievable” Isak says shaking his head.

“Here, eat before it gets cold again” Liv puts the plate in front of him. “How did your day go?” She asks.

For a moment he thinks to bring up Even and the text, but quickly pushes it aside because he knows it wouldn’t be fair to Liv. He would never want to put her into an uncomfortable position, not after how impartial she has been the entire time. Opening up her home to him and the kids with no hesitation.

“It went alright, I’m going to be taking on a second grad student next semester.” he tells her.

“Won’t that take up more of your time?” She asks concerned.

“A bit” Isak admits.

Liv sighs and sits down across from Isak, putting a hand on his arm, and he knows he’s in for a motherly speech. “Isak, you keep on taking more responsibilities and don’t get me wrong, you’re doing great handling all of them, but I can’t help but worry that you’re not looking out for yourself”

“It’s just one more student” he says “and I promise I won’t let it eat into my time with the kids.”

“That’s not what I worry about, I know you will always put them first. What I worry about is you.”

She looks like she wants to say something else but stops herself.

“Liv, I promise, I’m not taking on more than I can handle” he reassures her.

She gives him a sad smile and pats his arm “okay” she says before nodding to his untouched plate “now eat.”

“Kids, time to go home” Isak calls up the stairs after his dinner. This time along with them comes Jørn who pulls Isak into a fatherly hug. Isak feels tiny enveloped in his towering frame “Isak my boy, how was work?”

“It was good, same old. Well, you know how it is” Isak says, Jørn having once been a professor himself lets out a deep laugh “oh do I ever.”

“How were the kids, hopefully they didn’t run you down?”

“These two? Oh that’ll be the day when those two manage to tire me out” he laughs leaning down to give each child a quick squeeze before letting them get on their shoes and coats.

“What were you guys painting?” Isak asks noticing a couple of paint stains on Julianne’s hand and shirt.

“It’s a surprise daddy” Julianne tells him and Eirik grins in agreement.

Isak lifts his eyebrows “a good one, I hope”

“Only the best” Eirik says running past him out the door to the car, Julianne and Tornado following closely behind.

“Alright well thanks again for picking them up and watching them for the evening”

“Of course, any time” Liv says and he gives each of them a quick hug before following after the children.

At home he sends the kids to get changed and ready for bed

“Can we please watch one episode of Mummitrollet? Please?” Eirik begs putting on the most angelic face he could muster.

“Alright fine, but only one episode and only after you’ve washed up and changed into your pajamas.” he gives in and both children run for the bathroom. He grimaces looking at the clock, 20.55, oh well twenty more minutes aren’t going to be the end of the world.

When he’s finally in bed and the children long fast asleep, he can’t help but let his mind wander to Even’s text. It’s been two weeks since he saw him on TV doing an interview for his upcoming movie and never once during that time did he hear anything from him. That is until today.

He looks to the other side of the bed that he’s never slept on because that used to be Even’s side for sixteen years, a side of this bed that Even had never slept on either.

Sighing he turns to face the other way. There are definitely days that are tough, but this was fortunately a good one all things considered, Isak thinks finally falling asleep.

 

Saturday

Isak had originally intended his free Saturday for catching up on grading, cleaning up the apartment, running a few errands, and picking up some groceries. He managed the last three just fine, but he can’t seem to get his mind focused long enough to read through any of the papers, let alone provide commentary and a grade.

Everytime he tries, his mind just wanders back to Even. Even who he hadn’t seen in person in a year and a half. Even who had stopped calling. Even who would call to talk to the kids but would have something come up every time Isak wanted a moment with him. Even who he still thought about late at night when the loneliness would set in, only to be left emptier and lonelier each time.

The doorbell rings pulling his out of his thoughts and Isak can feel his heart begin to pound in his ears. He doesn’t even need to look at his hands to know that they’re shaking, adrenaline coursing through him.

Isak takes a deep breath and lets it out before he opens the door and is immediately struck speechless. There he is, standing in front of him in the flesh.

“Hello” Even says his eyes seemingly as desperate to take in all of Isak as Isak’s are.

“Hello” Isak responds, nodding once, voice strong.

The only thing that Isak wants to do right now is throw himself into Even’s arms and kiss him senseless. And then yell at him, demand why it took him so long to come back and why he didn’t make his family a priority, why they weren’t enough.

But Isak has developed a healthy sense of self preservation so he does none of those, he simply steps back to let Even into his apartment.

It’s slightly larger than the apartment they had before moving and it feels strange to have Even enter it for the first time. The action feels so out of place, like he should have been here all along.

And although Even has never stepped foot inside the apartment, bits of him are infused in every room. He’s in the pictures strewn throughout each room, even throughout the decor. Isak couldn’t help himself, picking out pieces he’d think Even would like or that would remind him of Even.

The kitchen fridge is covered in the kids’ drawings and family pictures and Even is in most of them, with the exception of the recent ones. Even Isak’s bedroom has some of Even’s drawings that he treasures the most, mainly of him and the kids, hanging behind glass frames.

Even hesitates toeing off his shoes and Isak grabs his jacket from him to hang up in the hallway closet. It feels all wrong, Even a stranger in this place, the awkwardness between them, both overflowing with words they want to share but are too scared to let out.

Isak clears his throat, “do you want something to drink or anything?”

“Maybe just water” Even says.

Isak nods and Even follows him to the kitchen. Isak knows Even is busy inspecting every detail of his home and he can’t help but wonder what Even thinks, if it’s a place he could envision himself living in.

He pours a glass of water and hands it to Even who takes it, thankful, and clutches it like it’s a precious relic, keeping him grounded. He seems to be taking in every part of the room, eyes growing fond as they roam over the pictures on the fridge, until they finally land on Isak again.

Isak, who is still fighting one of the hardest internal battle he’s ever had.

“Sit down in the living room?” Isak asks when he can’t take the intensity of his stare anymore.

Even nods and stands back to let Isak lead the way into the next room. There Isak sits on the couch opposite from Even. Even looks over this room as well, pausing at each picture.

“You didn’t erase me” he says quietly, awed.

The words, probably meant innocently, snap Isak back into the reality of their situation.

“No,” Isak says “you were the one that erased us.”

Even looks shocked and immediately apologetic “No, no that’s not what I meant, I swear. It’s just that I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“What did you think I would do, Even, take everything that reminded me of you and burn it? Leave no trace of you anywhere for the kids to see?” Isak asks astonished “that door has always been open for you, all you had to do was walk through it.”

They sit in silence for a while, looking at each other, the air heavy between them. Both drowning in words unsaid.

Isak’s instinct when he first saw Even may have been to throw all caution to the wind and just finally embrace Even and to welcome him home, but it isn’t anywhere near that simple. This isn’t about opening only himself up to hurt. He has to think of Eirik and Julianne. Especially now that the children had just gotten to a good place, he knows he can’t put them through it all again.

“Even,” Isak says softly “why are you here now?”

Even glances down and then back up to Isak “I- I’m sorry, god, I’m so sorry, Isak. I made a mistake then. So many mistakes even” he clears his throat when his voice breaks slightly

“I thought I needed to prove myself, that I had to show everyone I could do it. I knew you were managing the kids, caring for them and being there when I failed them. I kept thinking that whichever film I was working on at that time would be over in just a few more weeks or months and then I would go back to you and the kids and you’d have my full focus. I could have my success and then be there for you as well.”

Even pauses looking pained “I saw how many hours everyone else was working and I kept thinking that I’ll just work a couple more than that each time and that it would show everyone how serious I was. Then each time the project was so well received that I didn’t want to lose out on that momentum. I’d think just a few more months and I could make sure you all could have everything you’d ever wanted.”

Isak shakes his head “we already had everything we wanted, the only thing that was missing was you. Don’t make this about you wanting to provide for us”

“But in my mind it was” Even defends “I was so busy working on the films that I tried to make up for it by making sure there was never anything you had to live without, but that then led me to taking on a new project. I kept thinking just one more and I’ll be done, that I had more time to make it up to you and the kids later.”

“But then,” Even continues “I went- I had that manic episode and I thought I had ruined everything. I thought all I would ever be known for was a bipolar director, not for my movies themselves. That at most I’d end up on one of those ‘people who you wouldn’t expect living with bipolar’ lists. And I became so fixated on trying to make the most memorable films possible so that no list could ever overshadow it, that I completely lost all track of everything else. I lost sight of you and the kids.” his voice breaks again and he takes a sip of water.

Isak can see the tears that have started building up in Even’s eyes and are threatening to spill over at any moment.

“So what’s changed now?” Isak asks. And that’s the big question, isn’t it?

“I don’t want a life without you and the kids, it’s not a real life. I left LA and I’m not going back there again. I want to be here with you and the kids.” Isak can hear the plea in his voice.

But something breaks within Isak at the words.

“And you think I wanted a life without you?” Isak whispers. He knows it’s harsh, but there’s so much hurt he’s had to suppress. Why does Even get to decide when it’s too much to take when Isak never had that luxury? How many times had he asked, pleaded, begged Even to come home, to make their family whole again.

Isak feels the tears welling up in his own eyes, angry and hurt.

“I know, what I did wasn’t fair to you or the kids. I hurt all of you and I have no right even being here asking for this, but I want to be in their lives again. And yours if you’ll let me, just please give me another chance” Even pleads “I promise I’ll work forever to try to earn your trust back.”

For a moment Isak can’t help but to reverse their roles, thinking of Even’s response to his own pleas for all those months and Isak hates himself for that ugliness.

“Just let me be in your lives again. Let me show you. Let me show you that the three of you are the most important people to me.”

Isak knows that things will be different now no matter what he decides. Even is back and he can’t keep that from the kids, he won’t. They would immediately jump up at the opportunity to spend time with Even, but Isak needs there to be a controlled environment as well.

“We can start with family dinners, two of them a week,” Isak says after being silent for a moment “what days work best for you? I would like to have the same days every week so the kids know exactly when to expect you.”

Even’s face lights up like this is more than he ever expected to get “whichever days work for you, I can work with that.” He says immediately.

“No, don’t say that. Once you commit to two days, I expect you to keep that promise to the children.”

“Wednesdays and Sundays” he says after a moment.

“Alright” Isak agrees taking a deep breath trying to get his thoughts under control. He’s not sure if he’s doing the right thing, but if the kids were here, he knows they would never forgive him if he had said no.

“We’ll start next week.” He can’t handle seeing Even again tomorrow.

Isak sighs shakily, this whole conversation has left him drained. His phone goes off, a text message from Liv, the kids will be back home in 45 minutes. Shit, he didn’t realize how much time had passed.

“The kids are going to be home soon” he starts.

Even’s head snaps up “can I-”

“No, I want to talk to them first. Alone.” Isak says “please”

Even’s eyes dim, but he continues to smile “of course” and Isak starts to lead him to the door.

Opening the door Even whispers “I missed you so unbelievably much. I am more sorry than you could ever know.”

“Even” Isak says handing him his coat “please don’t break their hearts.”

The moment the door closes behind Even, Isak is wracked with full body sobs. All those wounds now torn open and raw. All those nights and memories flooding his mind at once.

He quickly clamps a hand over his mouth and rushes to the bathroom not wanting Even to hear from outside the apartment. Isak closes the door and let’s himself slide to the ground.

Isak is so tired of having to be the strong one. For once he just wants to be held again and told it will all be okay. But he doesn’t have that reassurance now. It’s like he’s just jumped out of a plane with no parachute. He’s terrified of going through that heartbreak again, what it would do to him this time. But more importantly what it would do to the kids.

Shit. The kids. They would be here any moment and here he is, a complete mess. Standing up from the ground he goes over to the sink and cups his hands, filling them with cold water before holding his face in it until it has all leaked out between his fingers. He does that two more times then looks in the mirror, wiping his face dry on the hand towel.

Isak sighs, he’s not going to be fooling anybody with his bloodshot eyes and patchy red face. He walks into the kitchen to grab some water and realizes he’s never gotten around to making dinner. He turns on the oven to preheat, opening the freezer to take out one of Liv’s already cooked lasagnes that he keeps around for emergencies when he has no time to prepare anything himself. And today feels like an emergency.

It’s another twenty minutes before the children arrive and both his face and eyes seem to have almost returned to normal. But not enough to fool Liv when he opens the door it seems.

“Is everything alright?” she asks worried after the children hug their dad in greeting and run past him into the living room for the TV.

“Uuh yeah, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing” he says not wanting to tell her that Even had come by. He doesn’t exactly want to put her into that situation right now.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” He asks changing the subject “I’m warming up one of your lasagnes.”

“No” she hesitates “I promised Jørn that we would go out for dinner tonight.”

Isak nods “well thanks again for taking the kids, I really appreciate it.”

“Isak, I meant it when I said any time, day or night if you ever need us for anything just let us know. We love you so much.” She steps closer and wraps her arms around him in a hug.

“You mean the world to us, no matter what.”

“Thank you” Isak whispers trying to keep from tearing up again.

Liv pulls back putting her hand on the side of Isak’s face “remember, you have to take care of yourself too.” she says before saying her goodbyes and heading back home.

Isak can’t wait until this day comes to an end. But looking at the living room he knows there’s one more tough conversation he will have to have. He braces himself for it, but he knows he will never be truly ready for it.

He sets the table himself instead of asking the kids to do it, trying to buy himself a couple of moments alone, preparing the salad on his own as well.

When the oven timer dings he’s out of time.

Isak fixes three plates placing them on the table and calls the kids to dinner. They noisily make their way over and take their usual spots.

“How was your day with grandma and grandpa?” He asks taking a bite, not being able to taste anything.

“We went to the zoo! It was so much fun and we had ice cream.” Eirik jumps in.

Julianne nods “I want an al-...al-maca?” she tries.

“You mean alpaca?” Isak offers.

“Yeah! Alpaca. I want one.” Julianne says seriously.

“Honey, I don’t think our place is big enough for one of those.” he says

“Plus you were scared of it” Eirik says

“Was not.”

“Was too, you were almost crying.”

“Maybe I was a little bit at first, but then it was really nice and its fur was really soft.” Julianne defends.

Isak looks at their bickering fondly.

“I’m glad that the two of you had fun, you weren’t too difficult on grandma and grandpa?” He asks.

“No” Julianne says “they called us their angels, which means we were really good.”

Isak looks skeptical and amused “they call you that even when you’re the furthest things from angels.”

“But this time they meant it.” Eirik says and Julianne nods for emphasis.

“Okay okay” Isak relents “well thank you for being angels for them.”

Dinner continues with more stories of the zoo and Isak wishes he could bottle these memories for ever.

He thinks about the last time he’s had to have a conversation this serious with them. It was when he sat down with Even and told them they would be moving back to Oslo, but their pappa wasn’t able to come with at the time.

There was a lot of confusion, Julianne was only four and Eirik recently turned seven and they could not understand why their dads had to live apart. They had done to reassure them that it was only temporary. A couple of months and Even would be back home with them. They would have almost daily video calls, that time would be over before they even knew it and they’d all be in Oslo once again.

That conversation had been filled with promises. Promises that had all been broken and it had fallen to Isak to delivery the message to the kids each time. Every time Even said a few more months, he had told the kids. But then those months would pass and he’d be asking Even when he’d come home again and again he would tell the kids. Each time he broke a promise to them he could see the resentment grow in them, especially in Julianne.

Eirik internalized his sadness, opting not to talk to Isak for days instead, while Julianne was very vocal with her outrage with no one else to take it out on than Isak. After all, he was the one that kept delivering the broken promises.

And when he told them that he and Even were separating, trying to follow every guide he had found on the topic, Julianne had turned surprisingly silent uttering a quiet and broken “I hate you” before running into her bedroom and slamming the door behind her.

Eirik hadn’t taken it much better, because the next question out of him was if he was going to have to return to the group home now that his family was broken again.

It had taken a long time and a lot of help from Liv and Jørn to have the children forgive him and for their relationship to return to a semblance of what it was before he had shattered their realities.

So no, Isak definitely wasn’t looking forward to having one of those conversations again. He cleared his throat and hoped he would never again have to be the one to break their little hearts again.

“There’s something I want to talk to you two about” he says.

Eirik and Julianne look at one another, seemingly as apprehensive to family talks as Isak is given their history.

“I spoke to your dad today, he moved back to Oslo,” he starts

“But he’s not here” Julianne interrupts confused.

“No, uhh no he’s living somewhere else right now.”

“Where?” Eirik asks.

“Umm actually I didn’t ask him.” Isak admits.

“Is pappa going to finally be back or are you lying again?” Julianne asks, an edge to her voice.

“Julianne” Isak warns and she looks back down at her plate.

“He’s not going to live here” he says “but we’ve decided he’ll be here for two family dinners a week so he can spend time with you”

“When is that going to be?” Eirik asks.

“Wednesdays and Sundays” Isak says.

“So he’ll be here tomorrow?” Julianne asks eyes lighting up slightly.

“No,” Isak shakes his head “we’re going to start on Wednesday.”

Eirik still looks doubtful, not willing to get his hopes up and it breaks Isak’s heart to know that he’s the one responsible for that look.

“I guess we’ll see” Julianne says in a mood now.

After dinner the children help with the dishes and Isak offers them to take Tornado for a walk through the park and afterwards watch a movie. They agree reluctantly, but at least it’s something. At least they don’t hate him right now. Yet.

The children fall asleep on him by the end of the movie and Isak carefully carries each child to bed one at a time, tucking them in and placing a kiss on their foreheads before finally stepping into his own room collapsing on his bed. He barely has the time to shimmy out of his pants and take off his shirt before exhaustion takes over and he let’s oblivion take him.

 

Wednesday

The day is a complete write off right from the start and Isak can’t help but wonder if this is some sort of omen for how tonight will go.

Both Julianne and Eirik are in a mood when they wake up and barely touch their breakfasts, no matter what Isak tries. Eventually he gives up and throws some extra fruit into each lunch bag should they have a larger appetite come lunch time. Isak isn’t feeling too great himself if he’s honest, his nerves completely frayed, and the unrelenting downpour outside isn’t helping any.

When he arrives at the university he is barely able to focus outside of his lectures. His mind keeps wandering to tonight and a real fear begins to creep in. What if Even never shows. No, he’s confirmed with him twice already, he is going to show, Isak tries to reassure himself.

Lunch passes by and he barely has any work to show for his day. Lunch. Shoot, he completely forgot to plan what to have for dinner tonight. His mind goes completely blank. He can’t even think of a single meal he’s ever prepared for the kids before. Spaghetti, he finally decides. That’s easy enough to make and the kids love it. He just needs to leave early and pick up some ground beef on the way home.

Is he supposed to make dessert as well? They usually don’t have any during their regular dinners unless it was a special occasion. Opting instead to satisfy their sweet tooth with some late night ice cream when the need arose.

No, he decides, they do still have ice cream in the freezer although he can’t imagine anyone having a craving for it considering the rain wasn’t planning on letting up any time soon.

Isak picks up the kids on his way home since he left earlier today and together they head into the grocery store deciding to also pick up a couple of other things they need for their lunches.

At home he sends the children to change out of their school clothes and do their homework first before letting them watch a bit of TV and jumps into the shower to warm up from the cold outside. Isak’s becoming more on edge with each passing moment and now finds himself worrying about what to wear tonight.

Finally after a lot of debate he opts for a light gray pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. Nothing formal, but still nice enough. He grimaces at his reflection and going to change his shirt. They were going to be eating spaghetti with the kids, what was he thinking. He goes for a black shirt with some faded design instead.

Finally satisfied enough, he takes his laptop into the living room, answering a few emails before heading into the kitchen to get started on dinner. He’s about halfway done when both of the kids walk in. He can tell they’re nervous themselves so he asks if they want to help with making the salad. They wash their hands and Isak gives Julianne the lettuce leaves to tear up while Eirik is allowed to carefully chop some of the vegetables while Isak watches making sure his fingers stay in tact.

When the doorbell rings the entire kitchen freezes to a standstill. He finally snaps out of it when the bell rings a second time and makes his way to the door wiping his hands on his apron. Crap, he forgot to take the apron off, but he’s already at the door and doesn’t want to be rude and keep Even waiting any longer than he already has.

He opens the door, hands once again shaking, and there is Even looking beautiful in his jeans and dark button up shirt and perfectly styled hair. All of a sudden Isak feels embarrassingly underdressed in his t-shirt and apron.

“Hello” he says stepping back to let Even inside.

“Hello” Even says smiling, eyes roaming over Isak.

Isak closes the door behind him and looks past Even to see two child sized heads peeking from around the corner. Even must see them at the same time because he crouches down into a squat and holds his arms out saying a broken “hi my babies.”

The reaction is immediate. They both throw themselves into Even’s arms shouting a chorus of ‘Pappa!’s.

The sight both warms and cracks Isak’s heart further. He doesn’t think he’s ever managed to bring this much happiness to his children on his own.

He looks at Even again who is staring up at him, tears in his eyes mouthing a ‘thank you; and Isak nods returning what he knows must be a sad smile. He knows because he can see Even recognize it, the space between his eyebrow scrunching up.

Both children have tears in their eyes when they finally pull back and Even kisses each one on tear streaked cheeks. “I’ve missed you so much” he gives them another squeeze before standing up, sniffling and trying to discreetly wipe his own tears.

“Smells really good” he says chuckling nervously.

Isak clears his throat, grateful at the distraction “yeah, we were just making dinner.”

“Come help us pappa.” Eirik and Julianne immediately taking one hand each pulling him to the kitchen.

Isak takes a moment to compose himself, taking a deep breath and letting it out before following them.

“What do you need me to do?” Even asks ready to be helpful.

“You can help the kids with the salad, mainly just supervise, I almost have the food ready to go” he says stepping back in front of the stove. Luckily the saucepan was turned to low and nothing had burned during their exchange. Isak opens up a package of spaghetti noodles and throws them into the water once it comes to a boil, tasting it for salt before adding a bit more.

He takes comfort in having something to do to keep himself preoccupied while the kids take turns talking Even’s ear off and sometimes talking over each other from excitement until Even gets them to take a breath and calm them down.

“Do you mind setting the table?” Isak asks half turning around to find Even watching him fondly.

“Where are the plates?” Even asks knowing the children will need help getting them and Isak points him to the correct cupboard.

Isak and Even end up sitting across from one another, a child sat on each side of them.The children never run out of anything to say throughout the whole dinner.

“I got a hundred percent on my science test this week.” Eririk boasts.

“Great job buddy, are you planning to follow in your dad’s footsteps?” Even asks

“We went to the zoo and I saw an al-alpaca, it was really nice and soft, but daddy said we can’t get one because we don’t have enough space.” Julianne says.

“Well he does have a point. And you already have Tornado, you wouldn’t want him to get jealous, would you?” Even adds.

Even doesn’t run out of things to say either, having follow up after follow up question ready, wanting to know as much about the kids and their life as possible. All the while Isak just sits there quietly observing as his children glow from happiness. He looks at Even across the table and he can imagine countless dinners with Even and the kids, remembering the dinners they already did have. Isak can’t help but wonder, why Even couldn’t just be there when they needed him.

It’s been over two hours by the time they are finally done dinner and the dishes are cleared away, taking longer because the kids would barely stop talking long enough to take a bite. After dinner however the kids are nowhere near ready to say goodbye just yet.

“Can’t we watch a movie, daddy? Please? We did our homework.” Julianne and Eirik plead.

Even seems helpless when Isak looks to him, Isak knows it’s up to him even though he’s been put into a position where he absolutely can’t say no without a serious fallout.

“Fine” he says “one movie only though.”

Julianne and Eirik look to each other conspiratorially and of course choose one that is two hours long.

“Come on pappa, you sit here” Julianne pulls him down on the couch and the kids flock to each side of him, a spot Isak used to get. He makes his way to the other side of the couch when Eirik takes his hand and pulls him close so that he is sitting pressed up right against Eirik, Even just on the other side of his son.

Sitting on the couch with his husband and children watching a movie feels so achingly domestic that he is also reminded of its painful absence the rest of the time.

He discreetly wipes at a tear before it can land on his son and he feels a hand on his shoulder, Even’s. He looks up to find tears in Even’s eyes as well as he gives him a sad smile. It’s a smile that mourns all of the time they have lost.

Halfway through the movie Julianne sits up and asks for some hot chocolate. Eirik jumps up saying that he wants some too. So Isak puts the movie on pause and goes to the kitchen and heats up some water in a pot, adding in the cocoa powder and sugar to it before adding milk to the mix and heating it through, pulling the saucepan off the stove before it starts to boil. Just like Even had taught him.

He’s so focused on the steps that he doesn’t notice Even standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Want some help carrying those?” Even asks nodding over to the four mugs.

“Sure, thank you” Isak says stepping back.

Even looks Isak in the eyes “they’re both so wonderful” he says in awe.

“Yeah” Isak agrees “they’re both incredibly special in their own way.”

“Thank you” Even says for the second time that night “for being there when I wasn’t.”

Isak nods, swallowing, “we should get these to the kids” he says. Taking two mugs and placing one on the coffee table in front of each child.

“Be careful not to spill” he says standing up. There is Even again, holding one of his mugs out for Isak to take.

“Thanks” Isak mumbles sitting back down on the couch and hitting play.

The kids are asleep when the movie ends. But the moment Even tries to get up they’re immediately awake, clinging to him not wanting to let go, asking him to stay.

“At least just to tuck us in” Eirik tries to argue and Julianne is close to tears again.

He’s running on empty so he just nods. Even carries a sleepy Julianne to bed while a half asleep Eirik follows, never once letting go of the end of Even’s shirt bunched up in his little fist.

Isak can hear them in Julianne’s bedroom and later in Eirik’s. All the while he still hasn’t moved from his spot on the couch, holding the now cold and empty mug between both of his hands looking off into space.

“I’m sorry” Even starts stepping back into the living room “I know tonight must have been a lot for you.”

“It’s alright, the kids were really happy to see you again.”

Even hesitates “and were you?”

Isak doesn’t know how to answer the question, how could he possibly describe all that he’s felt tonight? So he just settles for nodding, unsure it that’s the answer Even is looking for or if it’s any answer at all for that matter.

They’re quiet for a beat before Isak stands up.

“Do you want me to clean up the cups?” Even offers.

“No, I’ll get those later” Isak says on his way to the front door, Even following him.

Even turns to Isak, taking him in once more when his eyes become sad.

“I meant what I said” Even tells him and Isak immediately knows what he’s talking about “I won’t give up, I’ll do everything to try to earn your trust back.” he vows “as long as there’s even the slightest chance, I will keep trying.”

Isak nods again “good night Even” he holds the door open and Even steps out into the night, but not before looking into his eyes, voice deep “good night Isak.”

Isak makes his way to his bedroom, turning off the lights on his way. The mugs remain where they are. He’s exhausted when he gets into bed, he’s given so much more than he was ready to tonight. All because he couldn’t bare seeing the kids upset, not after all that they had been through. But what about all that he had been through? A voice in the back of his mind asks.

Even Kosegruppa <3

Thank you again so much for allowing me to be there.

 

Things are moving much more quickly than Isak had expected them to. He should have known the kids would want everything to go back to normal immediately and putting a halt to that wouldn’t be easy.

But he’s simply not ready for the glances and touches Even tried to sneak. There’s still too much of a rift between the two of them and Isak is not willing to simply cover it up and move past it. Not when he had no guarantee he wouldn’t have to go through it all again. All he’s been offered is Even’s word. Something he’s broken over and over again already.

He can practically see the avalanche coming for him and he can’t help but feel like he’s going to be swept up in it.

 

Friday

After the week he’s had, Isak decides he’s in need of a boy’s night. Luckily Liv and Jørn are more than happy to have the kids stay over for the night. And the kids were just as excited to stay with grandma and grandpa.

Neither him nor Liv have mentioned Even yet but he’d be surprised if they didn’t already know about his return. Of course they did. But he can’t let himself put Liv in an uncomfortable position, not after all she’s one for him and she is still coming through for him after all this time.

Since Isak was in the need of a change of scenery so they decided to have drinks at Jonas’s instead. Isak didn’t tell them it was because even days later, he could still see Even on the couch watching TV with the kids, Even helping out in the kitchen, Or the fantasy of Even coming home to take of his shoes and put away his coat before leaning in to kiss Isak in greeting.

It scares Isak how quickly the seed had planted itself and started to sprout. Wherever he went now, he could imagine Even right by his side.

“So Even is back in their lives now?” Jonas asks, eyebrows furrowed trying to understand. It was just the two of them for now, the rest of the gang were going to show up in an hour or so.

“He is” Isak sighs “you should have seen the looks on their faces, like their every wish came true and all he had to do was show up. Jonas I don’t even remember the last time they looked at me like that if at all. I mean things with me and the kids have finally been a lot better these past few months. But then he just comes over for dinner and it’s like he hung the moon and lit the stars himself. I don’t think Julianne ever stopped blaming me for his absence.”

Isak tries to blink away tears “I feel like I am always failing them, like maybe it was all my fault. My own children have spent so much time hating me and they haven’t even hit their teenage years yet.”

“It’s easy to come across as the good guy when you don’t have to do any of the parenting or take any accountability. I know that Julianne and Eirik love you, you are their world Isak.”

“The fucked up part is that I think I am just as happy as they are that he’s back. It still hurts like crazy, but for the first time in over a year I feel like everything may actually be alright. Even knowing how many times he’s broken his word, my immediate instinct is to trust everything he says.” Isak takes another drink.

“Are you planning on taking him back?” Jonas asks hesitantly.

“We...we haven’t talked about that yet” Isak pauses “Not really, but even if I want him back, I don’t think I am ready to take that risk. What if he does it again? What if he disappears? What if he realizes he doesn’t want me anymore. ”

“I think he pretty much cleared that last one up when he decided to make a whole movie for you.”

“I don’t think that was necessarily intended for me.” Isak says stubbornly.

“Oh right, it was meant for the other guy he’s spent countless days and nights talking about parallel universes with. Don’t be stupid, Isak.”

Isak shoots him a look “I just don’t know what it’s all supposed to mean.”

“It means he loves you and he wants you back.”

“It’s not that easy though” Isak whines before letting out an annoyed sound.

“No, you’re right, it’s not that easy. Which is why the two of you have to sit down and talk about it. When you’re ready. You need your answers and I’m sure he needs his. And don’t even think about making a decision based on what you think is best for the kids. What they need is a happy and healthy home, whether that be with you and Even together or separately.” Jonas continues.

“I know” Isak says defeated “maybe part of me is scared of what the answer will be.”

“And I get that” putting his arm around Isak and pulling him close “but I have faith in the two of you. You’ll do what’s best for the both of you.”

Right now Isak doesn’t want to think about what that would be. He’s scared of the answer no matter which it is. If Even stays, how can he be sure he won’t leave again. And if they decide not to get back together, how is Isak supposed to survive again?

 

Sunday

Sunday comes around almost too quickly for Isak, maybe it’s because he’s spent half of his Saturday with a painful hangover which cut into his productivity significantly. There’s a reason he’s cut out heavy drinking, the hangover is just not worth it.

But today he wakes up at his normal time and gets ready to take the dog out for a run. He enjoys this time of morning when everyone is still asleep and it’s only him, his thoughts, and the steady pounding of his runners hitting the trail. It gives him time to organize himself, to prioritize his day and to deal with whatever is plaguing him at the moment. In this case it’s Even.

When Isak and the kids had first moved back to Oslo it was with the expectation that their family would be whole once more in just a matter of months and Isak was able to cope with the distance, despite how strained things were between him and Even already.

But as time kept passing and it didn’t look like Even would return, it became harder to get out of bed each morning. To put on a facade for the kids and the rest of the world. But he didn’t get to break down, he didn’t get to fall apart. Julianne and Eirik had already suffered enough and he couldn’t put them through more by not being there no matter how they felt about him at the time. He didn’t get that choice.

So instead he threw himself into whatever he could to keep his mind occupied and to keep it from wandering. Then he took up running trying to get some clarity before his day started, all the while keeping his children at the top of his priority list. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he failed them again.

Sunday’s are usually his longer runs so by the time he returns home, the kids are already up and watching cartoons in the living room.

He ruffles their hair as he passes by and says good morning before turning on the coffee maker. He gets a distracted mumble of ‘morning’ in return.

“Can one of you feed Tornado while I go shower?” he asks and Eirik jumps up to grab his bowl.

“Blergh! He smells almost as bad as you do dad.” and he can hear Julianne burst into giggles in the living room.

Isak’s eyes narrow slightly “is that you asking me for a hug?”

Eirik’s eyes grow wide and he calls out an “love you” in return.

“Mhm, thought so” he says stepping into the bathroom and turning the shower on.

The hot water hitting his cold skin does wonders to relax him, completing his morning ritual. He finally feels ready to take on the rest of the day. And more importantly tonight’s dinner with Even.

“What do you guys want for breakfast?” He calls out when he emerges from his room.

“Eggs” comes the reply from the living room.

“You too, Julianne?” Isak asks.

“Only if you make them with sour cream.” she calls back.

“Of course” He says grabbing the now ready coffee pot and pouring himself a cup and sets out to prepare breakfast.

They finish eating their breakfast on the living room couch, watching some more shows. Sunday breakfasts were the one time Isak allowed them to do that. The rest of the week they had a strict kitchen table rule. He figures one meal wasn’t going to hurt anyone. Especially considering that he’s eaten all his meals sitting on the couch or standing in the kitchen his entire adult life. That is until the kids came into the picture.

That’s how they spend most of their morning, the kids watching their shows and Isak checking and responding to his emails. Only a handful of them are from students looking for last minute clarification on assignments due the next day.

It’s 11.00 by the time he finishes. Seeing the sun creep out outside he decides it’s too nice a day to spend it indoors.

“What do you two say to a bike ride over to Frogner Park to get some hot chocolate and apple cake today?”

“I wanna go!” Julianne exclaims and Eirik nods enthusiastically.

After bundling himself and the children up, they grab their bikes and head towards the park. There the kids run around while Isak takes pictures of them. He realizes he hasn’t been taking as many pictures as he’d like for their photo albums lately and decides to make up for it. He takes pictures of them running, playing tag, and even hide and seek between the statues. Although that last one doesn’t last as long for obvious reasons. There are also countless pictures of them all pulling funny faces.

Even with the sun shining it’s still chilly out, so when they finally head into the cafe, the hot chocolates and applecake are a well deserved treat, the drinks warming them up from the inside.

It’s late afternoon by the time they make it back home, the sun now hiding behind clouds. So Isak opts for making soup for dinner after taking a vote from the children. If he starts now, he’ll have plenty of time to let it simmer for a couple of hours before dinner and for him and the kids to watch a few shows under blankets on the couch.

The doorbell rings right on time and the children immediately jump up.

“Can I get it?” Eirik asks and the moment Isak nods they’re both bolting for the front door meeting Even with excitement.

He’s still sitting on the couch, flipping through his phone, their tv show on pause, when Even comes into the living room with both children happily chatting away.

“Hi Isak” Even says looking at him fondly and for a moment Isak thinks how easy it would be, how natural it would feel to kiss him in greeting ‘honey I’m home’. How simple. But it’s not.

“Hello Even” Isak greets him with a small smile.

“We went to Frogner Park today” Julianne says pulling on Even’s sleeve trying to regain his attention. Even smiles and looks down at her.

“Oh yea? What did you guys do there?”

“We played tag, hide and go seek which I won-”

“No you didn’t, you peaked” Eirik interrupts.

“It’s not my fault you’re not so good as good at hiding.”

“I’m the master at hiding” Eirik boasts “you just cheated”

Isak can’t even begin to fight the smile as he looks to Even, who is staring back with just as much amusement.

“Did not”

“Did too”

“I think that’s enough about the hide and go seek, what else did you guys do?” Even asks trying to keep the peace.

“We had hot chocolate and applecake, it was so good. And we took so many pictures with funny faces. You should come with us next time.” Eirik says excited

Even looks pained at that “sure” he smiles and Isak feels a pang of guilt, like he is the only one that’s keeping everything from going back to normal.

Dinner is just as animated as on Wednesday, but this time Isak joins in the conversation from time to time.

The kids tell Even all about their friends and all the fun they’ve been having with Isak and their grandparents.

Isak can see that the stories both bring joy to Even and bring him pain, because he wasn’t there to make those memories with their children.

“Can pappa stay to tuck us in again?” Julianne asks at the end of dinner.

This time Isak is not caught off guard, he was expecting them to ask again “Of course he can” he says apparently surprising both Even and the kids who probably thought they’d have to fight to get their way.

Isak feels like he’s the gatekeeper in this situation, keeping the kids and Even apart, like he’s the reason that they’re not back to being a happy family. It’s exhausting and he doesn’t want to feel like this. He doesn’t want this role, but again he hasn’t been given much choice.

“Do you two want to go watch TV while your pappa and I clean up?” he asks, though the kids know it’s not negotiable. But they jump up happy to get out of cleaning duty and make their way back to the living room.

“I’m sorry, if it’s too soon or not appropriate, I can talk to them and tell them I can’t stay.” Even starts as Isak stands gathering the dirty dishes.

Isak shakes his head “no, don’t worry about it. If you have time to tuck them in after our dinners, you can always stay until then.”

Even looks caught off guard by Isak’s statement for a moment before he gives him a grateful smile “thank you Isak, honestly. I know you don’t have to do all of this. You could have just told me ‘no’ from the beginning, sent me away.”

Isak sighs “but I really can’t say ‘no’ and we both know that.” Even places the remaining dirty dishes into the sink and looks down at his feet.

“I don’t ever want to pressure you or make you feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“And I don’t want to be the bad guy anymore.” Isak sighs.

Even looks surprised at the statement “but you’re not, Isak. You are the most understanding and caring person I know.”

Isak looks back into the sink filled with dirty dishes. There are still so many things unsaid, maybe even things that Even will never understand because he didn’t have to live it, but tonight isn’t the time for it.

“I’ll wash and you dry?” He asks instead, filling the sink with hot water.

Even nods, taking the dishtowel into his hands. It’s not a lot, but having Even there helping him with the dishes, gives Isak at least a little bit of comfort. Comfort that he hasn’t felt in a while.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I originally said this was only going to be 4 chapters long, but now it's looking more like 6, max 7. I was originally going to follow the structures of chapters 1 and 2 for the whole story, but then I seemed to have deviated, so here we are. Sorry to anyone that hates reading WIP fics and only started because they thought it was on the second last chapter already.

Tuesday

Another week of family dinners passes before Isak receives his first tough question. He’s up late trying to get caught up on grading projects when Julianne comes out of her room and towards the kitchen, rubbing her eyes.

“Hey sweetheart, what are you doing awake?” He asks softly.

“Had a bad dream” she says and Isak lifts her onto his lap.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He offers.

Julianne shakes her head and buries her face in the front of Isak’s shirt, curling up. They sit there for a moment, Isak rocking her when he’s asked the question he’s been dreading most.

“Are we going to leave pappa again?” she asks quietly.

The words hit Isak hard, because there it is again, he’s the one that instilled these fears in his kids.

“I don’t know the answer to that, love” he whispers truthfully, because he can’t risk promises again “but what I can tell you, is that we’re not going to go anywhere, alright?”

“I don’t want him to leave”

“I know” Isak says rubbing her back soothingly until she finally falls asleep in his arms.

 

Wednesday

One of the things Isak had hated the most about living in Los Angeles was the warm temperatures and constant sun when it should have been winter. Because truth be told winters are his favourite time of the year. Winter meant woolen layers, snow, hot chocolate and apple cider, watching TV with the kids snuggled up under blankets, and just all around cozyness. Sure, the last few christmases haven’t exactly been lined with fresh snow, but he loves the build up to the holiday season nonetheless.

“How about we do something special for December 1st tomorrow. To start the holiday season” Isak proposes to the children during breakfast.

“Like what?” Eirik asks.

“Hmm how about we go for a big walk and then we can bake cookies? I’ll even come home early.” Isak offers.

“Yes! I wanna do that!” Julianne exclaims.

“How about it, Eirik? Sound like a plan?”

Eirik nods around a mouthful of cereal, milk dripping down his chin.

“Here” Isak throws him a paper towel smiling fondly “don’t mess up your school clothes, we don’t have time to get changed.”

The rest of the morning goes by without a hitch. Isak even takes the time to look up a couple of cookie recipes, but then decides they will use one of Liv’s recipes instead. Why mess with perfection.

But despite all that, Julianne’s question still hovers at the back of his mind. He knows that even though the kids are happy of Even’s return, they’re still filled with uncertainty. Uncertainty that falls to the both of them to clear up. He and Even still haven’t had a serious discussion about anything and Isak knows he can’t put it off much longer.

Maybe it’s not yet time to go over everything. Some things are still too raw to talk about. But with Even in his life again, everything once again feels so natural like they could just slip into their old roles and neither would even notice. And Isak isn’t ready for it.

“I think we should talk… after the kids go to bed” Isak says that night before dinner while the kids are busy washing their hands in the bathroom “if you have time of course.”

“Of course… is everything alright?” Even asks concerned.

“Yeah, no it’s fine. I just wanted to talk about a couple of things when the kids aren’t around.”

“Sure” Even says, concern still in his voice.

The conversation never lulls and if the kids can tell that both of their fathers are distracted during dinner, neither of them let on.

All of a sudden Julianne looks at Isak hesitantly and jumps out of her chair, tugging on Isak’s arm to have him lean down to her level.

“Can we invite pappa for baking tomorrow?” She whispers in his ear. Or tries to, because he’s sure Even still would have heard it even if he was sitting in the living room. But Julianne’s face looks so sincere that in that moment he can’t deny her anything.

“Why don’t you ask?” He smiles at her running his hand down the back of her hair affectionately.

Julianne walks over to Even nervously “Pappa?”

“Yes?” Even looks at her encouragingly.

“Umm tomorrow daddy wanted to do something special umm for December 1st and we’re going to go for a big walk and umm bake cookies later and umm do you want to come with us and bake with us?”

Julianne’s nervousness towards Even catches Isak off guard, realizing that it stems from a fear of rejection and his smile dims a little. She should never have had to fear rejection by her fathers in the first place.

When he looks up to Even, he can see he’s come to the same realization as he looks down at their daughter. Even looks up and he silently asks Isak for permission. He nods slightly and Even looks back to Julianne.

“I would love to join you guys” he says hugging her close bringing the smile back to Julianne’s face.

Isak doesn't start to get nervous until Even goes to tuck the kids in. It's then that he finds himself scrubbing at the already clean counter. All of a sudden his every concern, everything he’s had to go through seems so trivial and ridiculous when he thinks about vocalizing the issues, no matter how serious he knows they are deep down.

He hears Even when he enters the kitchen behind him.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Isak offers. Anything to keep him from having to open up for another moment.

“I’m alright” Even declines. Isak nods, sitting down at the table feeling nervous.

“Is everything alright? Did I do something wrong?” Even asks “because not going to lie, you’re making me a little bit nervous here.” He chuckled slightly. “If you don’t want me to come tomorrow then I won’t. I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

Of course Even would be considerate. Everything right now feels backwards. Like the only one standing in the way is Isak. But he knows that’s not the case.

Isak huffs a laugh “no no, you can come by tomorrow that’s not the issue. I just don’t know how to bring it up.” he admits hesitantly.

“You can tell me anything” Even says sincerely sitting across from him. He reaches out, seemingly to grab onto Isak’s arm reassuringly like he used to do, but something stops him and he pulls back.

“It’s just that you’re back. You’re back here and everything feels so damn natural, like you were never gone. But you were.” Dammit, he’s not even making any sense. Here he is trying to verbalize his feelings and failing miserably at it. Just like before.

“I know” Even says and Isak looks to him “it feels like it should be so easy to just to go back to how it was, but that wouldn’t be fair to you.”

He’s surprised at the words. Surprised and… angry, Even has no right to try to act like he gets what Isak is feeling right now. “No, you don’t get to be understanding right now” he says caught of guard at the emotions suddenly boiling and spilling over “you haven’t been here, Even. You haven’t had to go through everything with the kids on your own. So you don’t get to try to be sympathetic to how I feel right now, because you don’t know. You don’t know.”

Isak is horrified at how easily the words slipped out and he could do nothing to stop them. After all this time working hard to remain reserved.

Even looks back silently for a moment, surprised. “I’m sorry that I put you through all of that. I really am. I had no right to. I didn’t think about how things must have been here.” he says brokenly.

“I’m not expecting anything at all. I haven’t given up and I won’t, but I’m not expecting anything of you, Isak. I will only ever take what you are willing to give me. Not a bit more. I still have no right asking for all that I have asked for already.” Even continues, panicking almost.

Christ, Isak couldn’t even have this simple conversation right. He rubs his face with both his hands feeling exhausted. Just being near Even has been exhausting. Trying to keep all of his warring thoughts and feelings in check.

“That’s not what all I wanted to talk about, not really.” he says finally.

Even doesn’t say anything this time, just looks at him, waiting.

After his small outburst, Isak is actually able to organise his thoughts. “What I wanted to say was the kids had been hurt enough and I need to make sure that they won’t get hurt again. You’re back in their lives now and it needs to stay that way. They can’t all of a sudden lose you now. They need stability.”

“I’m not going anywhere” Even vows “I promised you and I’m not going to break this one. I know you don’t have to trust me, I don’t blame you, I deserve it. There’s nothing I will ever be able to do to make up for that time I missed in all of your lives and I will never forgive myself for that. But I want to be there for you and the kids, I want to spend time with all of you”

Isak sighs. He wants to believe him, he really does.

“And I want you to spend time with them, but I don’t want to feel like the gatekeeper either, the one that’s keeping you from seeing the kids or not allowing you to spend time together. I don’t want them to see me as that either.” he says calmly.

“What do you need me to do?” Even asks, ready to do anything Isak would ask of him by the look on his face.

“I don’t know” Isak admits “but I’m just tired of feeling this way.” They sit there a while before Isak stands up and Even follows. They make their way to the front door.

“Isak?”

“Hmm?”

“Whatever you feel, whenever you feel it… you can always tell me, even- or especially when it is about me. Because I don’t want you to feel like that either.”

Isak nods “Goodnight Even”

“Goodnight Isak”

He’s not sure that the conversation they had was even remotely coherent, but the outburst feels like it has relieved at least some of the pressure he's been bottling up within him. And when he gets into bed he feels just the slightest bit lighter.

 

Thursday

Running through falling snow has become Isak’s favorite. He can feel time slow right down to the minute, to the second, as the snow gradually falls around him. Cold air entering and exiting his lungs, reminding him that he’s alive and the steady crunch of snow below his shoes keeps him grounded, determined. When he comes to a stop near the waterline, he takes in the scenery, snow starting to cover most of the city. He takes a deep breath and let’s it out, smiling despite the burning in his muscles and lungs, confident. This month holds promise, he thinks.

The kids are just as excited about the snow as Isak is because they start making plans for building the best snowman ever instead of brushing their teeth. Every time Isak walks by the bathroom he finds them busy talking, toothbrush in hand flailing around excitedly.

“Less talking, more brushing” he says on his third pass. On his fourth one however he decides to stay and supervise “if you two take any longer you won’t have time for breakfast, come on. You can keep planning once you’re done.”

His presence seems to do the trick and they finish up quickly.

“Do we have that big box of cookie cutters?” Eirik asks in the kitchen once they have come to a consensus on the snowman issue.

“No I think it’s back at grandma’s and grandpa’s. Good thinking though, I’ll make sure to stop by after work to pick it up on my way home.”

“I’m going to make princess cookies” Julianne says.

“They’re supposed to be winter themed” Eirik says.

“Princesses can have winter gowns” she responds annoyed and Eirik looks slightly miffed at not having thought of that himself as he grumbles to himself into his cereal.

“We can make whatever shape cookies we want” Isak grins “they won’t survive for long anyways.”

Although his morning had gone smoothly, his day ends up a lot more stressful than expected. So by the time he picks the kids up and arrives at home, he’s forgotten the box of cookie cutters completely. He’s about to call Liv and ask if he can stop by when there’s a knock on the door.

“Hey” Even says smiling, a reusable bag in one hand “one of your neighbors let me in.”

“Hey, I was just about to call your mom-”

“And ask for a box of cookie cutters?” He asks pulling them out of the bag.

“How did you know?” Isak asks surprised.

Even shrugs “Mamma figured we could use them after I told her our plans for today.”

“Well she just single handedly saved the night” Isay says impressed taking the box out of his hands and heads for the kitchen. Even follows him after taking off his outdoor layer.

“Hey…” he says hesitantly “are we still, you know...okayish?” Even asks seemingly struggling to find a word describing their current dynamic.

“Yeah, I think so” Isak says “I didn’t mean to-”

“It was nothing I didn’t deserve. In fact it wasn’t even a fraction of what I deserve.”

Isak can’t disagree with that but he doesn’t want to have a hostile relationship either. They’ve just begun clearing the air between them and he knows it will be a long process. If he doesn’t pace himself, he’ll run out of steam. And today is not the day to be dealing with this either. He promised the kids a special day together and now that Even has been included in their day, he plans on making sure they both make it special for the children. So he simply tilts his head to the side in acknowledgement.

He doesn’t have to say anything further because the kids are in the kitchen next in their extra layers and Tornado’s leash, ready to go outside.

The snowfall hasn’t stopped all day, the streets are still relatively empty, with most people still at work, as they walk along the uncleaned sidewalk towards the park that lies a 30 minute walk from their apartment. Julianne and Eirik are talking animatedly about their snowman plans while Isak and Even silently walking behind them, Isak holding the leash.

It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but it’s not the old familiar silence they used to share.

When they arrive at the park the kids and Tornado immediately take off looking for the perfect spot.

“No Julianne, I think that’s part of the pathway. Our snowman will be destroyed in no time.” Eirik

“But I don’t want to build it right next to the tree either, what if a dog accidentally pees on it.” Julianne wrinkles her nose.

“Eww I don’t want that either. How about right here?” Eirik asks standing in the middle of what would normally be a large patch of grass if it wasn’t covered by 10 centimeters of snow.

After some deliberation they agree that it’s the best spot and get to work, Tornado running around near them either rolling around in the snow or with his head disappearing almost completely trying to dig and sniff at random spots.

It leaves Isak and Even watching all three of them in amusement.

“So, uhh how was your day?” Even asks hesitantly.

Isak turns to look at him, raising an eyebrow at the choice of question, caught off guard but still amused.

“It went alright. Had to calm my grad student down because he thought he was going to have to scrap all of his research and start from the beginning.” He answers, amusement still in his voice.

“Did he figure it out?” Even asks tentatively.

“Yeah, I calmed him down and we had a look at what may need to be revisited, but there was no need to start from scratch” Isak tells him looking at the children again.

He can see Even nodding out of the corner of his eye. The exchange feels foreign, but nevertheless comforting, because it brings back a hint of familiarity, of the good times.

“And you?” Isak asks after a few moments of silence.

“Good, we’re nearing the end of the movie, so everyone on set has been in good spirits.”

Something about the talk of filming dims Isak’s spirits slightly. All of a sudden the same question running through his mind, what’s to stop history from repeating itself?

“Is it different?” Isak asks eyebrows furrowed “filming here I mean?”

“It is” Even says “well in some ways, not others. It’s still the same responsibilities, but on a smaller scale. It feels right though, like all the films I worked on before we moved did.”

Isak used to love to hear Even talk about everything related to films, but now it leaves him vary. Not that the mention of the move helps. It still has to be addressed, it all does, he knows. But he again finds that it’s not the right time. Not when he’s watching their kids frolic in the snow, all worries and insecurities forgotten for the moment, stopping from their hard work only to call out something to Even or himself. He’d give anything to keep those smiles on their faces forever.

They start to make their way back home once the perfect snowman has been built, although a slightly disproportionate one, “his head is so big because he’s really smart” Eirik had decided. The snow had stopped falling shortly after they arrived at the park and the sidewalks are significantly cleaner.

At home Isak let’s Even take over with disrobing the kids of their boots, jackets, and snowpants in the foyer, making sure not to drag snow through the apartment while Isak brushes the snow off tornado, because knowing him he will head straight for the carpeted area or the couches.

Once all danger of dragging snow through the place has been removed, Isak looks through his recipe book to pull out the one he was looking for.

“Mamma’s recipe?” Even asks from beside him after taking one glance at the paper.

“Of course” Isak says and puts the kids to work with grabbing half the ingredients while Even takes care of the other half that may be too heavy for them to carry or too high up to reach.

They take the time the dough needs to refrigerate to heat up some leftovers for dinner, the kids making plans for more excursions for winter with their dads who occasionally throw out a suggestion or two.

With dinner cleared away, Isak takes the dough and starts rolling it out. The kids having already divided up the cookie cutters amongst themselves. It takes much longer between the four of them than it probably would have taken for just one. At one point Julianne and Eirik find themselves at war for more space on the rolled out dough, offended when the other would would venture over the imaginary line dividing the dough in two. It ends up quickly resolved however when Isak gathers up all of the leftover bits of dough and rolls it out once more.

He can’t help turning to Even to confirm that he is seeing the same endearing scene play out that he is, only to find Even already doing the same. They smile at each other, they can’t help it.

It’s not that Isak doubts Even’s feelings towards the kids and even himself. He knows Even loves them all deep down. But they have found out already that love isn’t always enough. It takes so much more. More, that he’s not sure they have in them at the moment.

 

Saturday

With the fresh blanket of snow on the ground, Liv and Jørn decide that they are all in need of family time in the form of skiing. Of course the children immediately ask if it will be their whole family going and Isak ends up inviting Even himself, feeling guilt at the thought of him missing out on everyone.

Even has always been the stronger snowboarder and skiier because Isak didn’t have the same opportunities growing up, no one to take him or teach him.

Even did take it on himself to teach Isak during their time together and after many, many falls, Isak did finally get the hang of it, but he was never as attached to it as he knew Even was. But Isak still went each time Even had asked, because he would gladly bear the bruises to see Even happy after a day out in the snow.

“How are you holding up?” Liv asks while Even and Jørn are out instructing the children.

Isak pauses, not wanting to put her in that awkward position.

“Look Isak, I know Even is my son and I will always love him, but I love you too and I worry about you. Especially right now, I know this all can’t be easy on you.” She says, hand on his arm.

“It’s not easy” Isak quietly admits after a few more moments of silence, looking out at the kids wiping out after trying to follow some of Even and Jørn’s instructions..

“I don’t know what to do” he confesses.

Liv rubs her hand up and down his arm soothingly in a comforting gesture.

“I know it’s a lot to take in and a lot to deal with, but right now is the most important time for you not to forget about yourself and what you want. What you need.”

“So what is it that you want?” She asks after some time.

Isak sighs “I want everything to just go back to normal. But there’s so much anger, deep down that I didn’t even know I was holding on to. Hurt I knew, but anger? I didn’t know I had all of that in me until I went off on Even the other day.” he admits.

“What happened?” she asks concerned.

Isak exhales a small laugh, “he tried to be understanding.”

Liv raises her eyebrows in question.

Isak sighs “he tried to be understanding and it upset me, because deep down I am still not over the urge of wanting to yell at him for everything he’s done and there he was having it all together despite all that happened, acting so calm and rational. And then when he tried to be sympathetic to how I felt, I lost it. I thought back to the past year and a half and I just thought how could he possibly think he could understand it if he hasn’t had to live it?”

Isak leans back in his seat, grimacing “I’m sorry, it’s not fair to you to have to listen to this.”

“Nonsense” Liv says “these are valid concerns of yours and you’re allowed to feel the way you feel.”

“Yeah, but I still shouldn’t be sitting here complaining to you about your son” Isak chuckles.

Liv smiles at him, kindly, motherly, “Isak, I am still going to be impartial here, well sometimes I do butt in but that’s not important right now, but I try to stay out of it because deep down I believe this is up to the two of you to sort out in the way you two decide is best for you. But that doesn’t mean I can’t give you some advice, honey. Nothing is going to happen overnight, no matter what you decide, it will take time. But you don’t have to decide anything right now. You two have always been about handling things one day at a time. So this is no different.”

She leans back in her seat “you’ve obviously decided you want him in the kids’ lives and maybe for now that’s enough. You don’t need to make any decisions past that. But that’s not to say you should ignore your own emotions. If you feel angry or hurt, you deserve to be able to express those feelings openly. You’re still sitting on a lot of pent up emotions right now and I think that you should let him know what you’re feeling. It’s the only way he can even begin to understand what you’ve had to go through.”

Isak knows there’s a lot of truth to her words and he’s glad to have her in all of their lives.

“You’re both on your time now, Isak. Even already got all of the time he asked for and then some. Now it’s his turn to wait for you.”

“Come here, I need a hug and everyone else is too far away” Liv says while standing up to go sit right next to Isak and he leans his head down on her shoulder with her arms wrapped around him. Both observing the rest of the family. Julianne let’s out a cheer at getting one of the instructions down before she flops over onto her side with an indignant sound. Eirik’s laughter carries through the area.

Isak smiles at the scene when Even reaches down to help Julianne up and he takes out his phone snapping a picture of the four of them.

“That’s beautiful” Liv says.

Isak nods in agreement before attaching the picture to a message and hitting send. Maybe this will be the first picture of many.

He can see Even stopping to check his phone, looking down before looking back up at Isak again.

 

Even Kosegruppa<3

Thank you.

 

Maybe it is enough, just for now, just for this minute.

 

Sunday

It’s the fourth day Isak has spent with Even in five days. A part of him thinks it’s too much too fast, but the other part of him finds it comforting having him around and helping with the kids. The observation wouldn’t be an issue if the two parts weren’t at war within him. He can’t fault Even for having been around this much either, because each time he has been invited.

Today Even came over shortly after lunch at the children’s insistence. Isak originally didn’t mind because he still had a lot of work to do and wouldn’t mind the break while Even keeps the kids busy.

But when the three of them went to take Tornado for a walk, leaving Isak alone to work in the now quiet apartment, Isak realizes the uneasy feeling he has been warring with today is jealousy. He’s jealous that Even hasn’t had to earn their love, hasn’t had to work for it. He simply has to show up, while Isak is held to a higher standard.

This time he knows where the feelings stem from, his own pent up insecurities, things he still hasn’t worked through. His own fears that he is never going to be enough for the kids. It’s an insecurity he’s carried inside since the first time he held Julianne and only grew over the years and again when they brought Eirik home. And he knows Even is not the source of that fear.

Finally he manages to clear his mind long enough to get some actual work done. He’s responded to all of his student’s emails and some of the other professor’s as well. He even had the time to finish marking a few term papers by the time the apartment door swings open and excited chatter fills the place once more, comforting Isak.

“Shh I think your dad’s still trying to get some work done, let’s try to keep it down” he hears Even say.

That doesn’t stop from Tornado from running into the living room and laying down half on Isak’s feet. As affectionate as the gesture may seem, Isak is 99% sure he only came over to steal some of Isak’s body heat, because his feet are not at all happy under the cold dog.

His devilish children seem to have the same idea, because next he feels a small set of ice cold hands on each arm, both giggling in delight when he tries to wring free.

“Woah!” he exclaims when they genuinely catch him off guard, having been focused on the hellhound at his feet and not expecting this act of treason from his own children.

“This is supposed to be a peaceful household,” he says “no mutiny” before all of a sudden reaching out and retaliating by tickling them.

“Alright, alright” he says out of breath after a bit, pulling both children up to sit on one leg each “how was the walk, did you all behave?”

The kids start into the animated story of their outing and Isak looks up to find Even watching them, looking mournful and sad.

Isak’s instinct is to try to do his best to wipe that sad look from his face, but that’s not his job right now. So he does the only thing he can and offers him a sad smile in return, acknowledging their lost time but hopeful all the same.

In return Even’s sad frown twitches a little, into the slightest of smiles. It may not be his job anymore, but Isak takes comfort in knowing he still has the ability to coax even the slightest of smiles out of him.

“I was going to offer to take care of dinner” Even says once the kids are done retelling their adventure “If you want, that way you can keep getting some work done? I mean you’ve been cooking each time I have come over, must be time consuming.”

Isak is surprised at the offer and then looks back at the remaining stack of papers he still has to get to. It would be nice to get most of them done today.

“Sure” Isak says “I mean if you don’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

“Great, then help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”

“Can we help?” Eirik asks hopping off Isak’s lap and Julianne follows.

Even looks to Isak for permission. They would really have to talk about that one day.

“Sure” Isak says and watches the three of them disappear into the kitchen.

Isak doesn’t even realize how much time has passed, the quiet voices, sounds of chopping, and bowls and pots clanking lull Isak into a calm state of mind, able to focus on his work completely.

It’s been almost two hours by the time Isak looks at the clock for the first time. He gets up from the chair and stretches, walking to the kitchen. He’s surprised to find the three of them at the table engrossed in a game of Uno.

“Smells good” he says

“It’s in the oven, keeping warm whenever you’re ready to eat” Even says not looking up.

“Uno” Eirik says placing a card.

“Oh I didn’t mean to make you guys wait” Isak says.

Even shrugs “you looked pretty focused, we figured you could use the time to get some work done. Pick up 4.” Even says when it’s his turn again.

“Oh, well thank you” Isak says caught off guard.

The look of betrayal on Eirik’s face is truly one for the books “aww come on!”

Julianne grins and holds her hand out to high five Even.

“Traitor” Eirik mumbles to Julianne.

“Alright, well how about I get everything ready to set the table since you three cooked” Isak suggests turning around.

“Already on the counter” Even says and there are the plates and utensils all in a stack ready to be put on the table as soon as they finish. So instead Isak stands there looking thoughtfully at Even.

“I win!” Julianne exclaims putting down yellow, red, and blue sixes.

“Aww come on, I was so close!” Eirik complains.

“I see five cards in your hand” Even says skeptically.

“I still could have won it” Eirik boasts.

“But you didn’t, I did” Julianne smirks.

Even finally looks up to Isak, a smile on his face and Isak is glad to see it back where it belongs.

“Dinner time?” Isak asks.

“Yup” Even says reaching past Isak, grabbing the plates and putting them down on the table.

“Thank you” Isak says as Even reaches for the casserole dish in the oven. “Seriously, thank you for today, for making the kids happy.”

“No” Even slightly shakes his head “I’m the one that should still be thanking you.”

Isak can’t even remember the last day everything has felt so domestic, but he can remember himself yearning for days just like this. And now he can almost begin to imagine more days like this, no pressures, no lables or commitments, just peaceful days.

 

Wednesday

“I’ve been thinking” Even says to Isak after the kids are in bed.

“Hmm?” Isak looks to him.

“Yeah, about how we interact and everything. And I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel unsure as to where the boundaries lie.”

“Okay…” Isak says hesitantly.

“Hear me out, there’s been a lot of hurt and damage here, and I know that sometimes it’s hard to know how to interact with one another. So I propose starting from the ground level.”

“Even, we can’t just forget everything that happened and start from new. That’s not how this can work.” Isak says.

“Nono I didn’t mean erase our past. I meant our current dynamic and how we expect the other to act, as acquaintances. That way you don’t feel obligated to anything and I know where the boundaries lie, when I’m overstepping.” Even proposes.

Isak looks skeptical “we need to label it to be able to know how to interact with one another?” Although thinking back on their exchanges, maybe they did.

“It’s more of a fallback, something to help keep us grounded when we’re unsure of what’s appropriate or what a situation”

“Acquaintances who share two kids” Isak says more amused than annoyed.

“Okay, maybe that isn’t the perfect way to describe it. But for example, with friends there are obligations and expectations beyond of what you would have with an acquaintance.”

“Even, I think kids mean our obligations are different to the scenarios you’re talking about.”

Even sighs slightly frustrated “you know what I’m trying to say. I just think if we are clear on our expectations, then...then maybe...maybe one day we could at least work our way back to being friends at least.”

Isak sighs, chuckling slightly “Okay, well goodnight acquaintance.”

“Think about it,” Even says “I think it would be a good starting point” before heading out into the cold December night.

Acquaintances, Isak chuckles to himself, but maybe Isak can work with that after all. Civil, maybe at times friendly, but none of the social commitment. Well except for the fact that they share two kids, but it’s been working well on the kid front so far. Maybe. Except when do Acquaintances start talking about how their life together fell apart?

 

Monday

Even Kosegruppa <3

I’m tied up at work, do you have time to pick up the kids from school?  
If not, I can check if Liv can do it

No worries, Of course I’ll be there to pick them up.

 

Great, thank you. Eirik has a spare key in his backpack.

 

Thursday

Isak’s day starts with being pulled into the department head’s office and no matter what his position within the university or how long he’s been there it will never stop feeling like going to the principal’s office.

“Isak, come have a seat.” Dr. Johan Berg says “How have you been? I’ve been hearing some great things about your grad student.”

“Yeah, he’s a very bright kid with a bright future.” Isak says nodding.

“Well I’m glad to hear that, maybe one day he can return to the university and work here if he doesn’t choose to go private. The reason I asked you to stop by is that Olga had to pull out of the conference next week. She’s been put on mandatory bed rest until the end of her pregnancy. We’ve always had someone from our department attend and give a couple of lectures. I was hoping that you could take her place?”

Isak has given talks at these kinds of conferences and they have always proven to be a worthwhile experience. But he’s never left for more than two days at a time because of the kids.

“I would love to, but I need to check if I can arrange something for the kids first.” He says.

“Naturally, I know it’s last minute, but if you’d at all be able to let me know by end of day or first thing in the morning, I’d really appreciate it.” Johan says.

“Of course, I’ll let you know as soon as possible” Isak says.

He could always ask Liv and Jørn, he thinks on his way back to his office. He’s sure they wouldn’t mind having their grandkids for that long. But then another idea pops into his head. One that he’s not sure is entirely rational.

He takes his phone out and dials.

_“Hey Isak, everything okay?”_

“Hi Even, yes, well sort of. Are you going to be here all of next week?”

_“Yes I am, is everything alright?”_

“One of the professors had to drop out of a conference and the department head asked me to go in her place instead, but it’s in Stockholm and I’d have to leave on Sunday and come back Friday. So I was wondering if you could maybe stay with the kids? If you’re busy that’s fine, I think Liv should be okay with them staying with her.”

_“Uhh”_

“You don’t have to feel pressured to say yes. Sorry I probably shouldn’t have called you in the first place.”

_“Nono, sorry I was just taken off guard. Yes of course I would love to stay with the kids for the week.”_

“Do you think you could also drop them off at school and pick them up?”

_“Absolutely, I can work my schedule around them no problem.”_

“...You’re sure you can do this?”

_“Isak, I promise, I will be there 100%”_

“Okay, thank you Even, really.”

_“Anything for you, Isak.”_

Isak hangs up hoping that he made the best decision for all of them. Even has become a more permanent presence in their lives each week and each time the fear that Even won’t show for their scheduled dinner grows smaller and smaller. But he can’t deny that it still exists.

He considers his conversation with Even the previous week. It will never be about starting over or starting from scratch between the two of them, like he said, and Isak wonders if he’ll ever be strong enough to be able to do that. To not only forgive Even, but to one day put everything behind them and to continue on. He then wonders if Even will ever be able to fully understand what Isak and the kids have been through.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to the encouraging comments and kudos, all of you have been so so lovely <3  
> I still haven't decided on if it will be one more chapter or two, I have a whole list of events (all happy ones...for the most part) that still need to take place before I can say goodbye to this story, so it depends on how much time I'll have to write in the next week.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, it hurt a little to write <3

When Even stepped off that plane at Oslo airport, he felt both like he was coming home and like he no longer belonged. Because deep down he felt he didn’t deserve to come back, to be welcomed by the place he grew up in, where his most beautiful moments and memories lay. But despite all his failings, his parents were still there, standing at the airport waiting for him, ready to welcome him into their arms. Yet he could still feel the glaring absence of the three most important people in his life. The three he failed the most.

And there he was, his first night back in Oslo, 36, and sleeping in his childhood bed. He could have easily opted for a hotel room, but he didn’t think he should be on his own and anyways, he could use the comfort. It was laughable really, he thought looking around the room, how would his younger self have reacted finding out this is where he would end up without Isak?

He didn’t have to ponder for long, because he knew. He would have been furious and disgusted at himself for letting Isak slip through his fingers. No, not slip through...because he practically pushed him out. He pushed until Isak finally had no choice but do right by the kids, something which Even couldn’t manage.

His parents had kept the room the same for years and eventually when he and Isak had decided to have a child they decided not to change it and keep it for when their child was old enough to sleep over. It was their way of saying they wanted plenty of time with their grandkids. The only thing that had since changed were his children’s toys and clothes now occupying the room, their presence giving him comfort.

He huffed a laugh thinking about how excited his parents had been to find out they would be grandparents. Isak had kept asking Even to tell his parents to stop buying things for the baby otherwise they wouldn’t have any room to even walk through their apartment. Even knew Isak would never be able to deny his parents anything, simply because they loved him so deeply.

Climbing up those steps, he took comfort in the memories of his times in this bed with Isak. Thinking of a purer time. When they had thought they were strong enough to weather any storm. Because minute by minute, they could take anything on, together. Until they couldn’t. Or until Even made it impossible.

When the idea of directing the film was brought up he went along with it, giving his input, never once believing he would actually have a chance to work on it. It was such a huge jump that he couldn’t believe it would ever happen for him. From small screen films in Norway to a multi million dollar project in Hollywood? Who would want him? He had no business being there.

Except then the final offer did come, the movie was happening and they wanted him. All he could think about in those moments were his family and having to uproot them. They had all lived in Oslo their entire lives, how would they be able to adjust or cope with that big of a change?

It’s why when he first brought it up to Isak, he had tried to dismiss it. But Isak insisted that he should have the chance to follow his dream. His beautiful, caring Isak who would put him above all else wouldn’t let him miss out on an opportunity like that and he was forever grateful for it. He was going to repay them for their sacrifice.

The first few months had gone well enough. Both he and Isak were trying to balance their new jobs with time with the kids and they were managing, together, minute by minute. That’s when they were at their strongest.

But what Even didn’t confide in Isak was how out of place he felt from day one. He couldn’t allow himself to. He had just uprooted everyone and he could see Isak’s own uncertainty which he was trying to hide as well. Even wasn’t willing to add to that. But looking back he wished that he would have. Maybe things had gone differently.

Instead he set himself out to succeed, for his family. But no matter how hard he worked, it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to guarantee success, so he’d push just a little harder. But no matter how hard he tried, how hard he had worked, he never felt like he was in the right place, like he deserved to be there. That at any moment everyone would find out that he wasn’t supposed to be there.

Impostor syndrome, the therapist he had started seeing in the last year had called it. The feeling had started following him home at the end of the day when he got in late and Isak and the kids had been long asleep. He felt like a stranger, an imposter. He didn’t deserve them, he wasn’t there for them. But maybe he could make it up to them, if only he had a bit more time.

After his movie succeeded it just helped ingrain all those habits within him. He stayed later, worked harder, retreating more and more into himself. And every time he missed a family dinner or time with his family, he kept telling himself that this project would be over in a couple of months and then he’d spend all his time making it up to Isak and the kids. He wouldn’t leave them for even a minute.

But that never happened. He could feel the mania coming on. He knew that his schedule wasn’t helping, but he had to do this. The fate of his family depended on it. And he had almost ruined it all. But when he fell into the deepest and longest lasting depression he’s ever felt, Isak was there to help pick him up.

And yet all Even could think of was his family’s dreams going up in flames. He would never be able to make it up to them and he’d just be known for the only thing defining him, being bipolar. So he redoubled his effort despite Isak’s protests. Their fights kept getting worse, but after every fight Even had vowed to himself that he’d make it all up to him.

The movie he had started on before Isak and the kids left turned into a nightmare full of reshoots and extended schedules. It was hemorrhaging money and they had to work around the clock to save it. In the end they had spent months fixing it. It had taken over his whole life. He barely slept or ate, except for when his assistant shoved food at him and insisted he eat. And when he finally went to sleep and woke up again, it had been too late.

Isak needed to do what was right and he knew it. If he couldn’t be strong enough, Isak would be. Just like he had been throughout their entire relationship. Even had promised he would come through this time and Isak had believed him, but without Isak and the kids there, he didn’t want to be in that house alone. It didn’t feel right. So he did the only thing he could think of to keep himself occupied, he took on a consulting role on a new film.

The day he received the separation papers, only six months after Isak and the kids left, he fell apart. He knew that was it. Isak would never have filed those papers if he wasn’t serious. If he hadn’t given up on them, on him. The reality of it all finally crashed into him full force. Whenever Isak asked for him to come home, Even had asked for a few more weeks, a few more months and here Isak was, giving him to the rest of eternity because Even had lost them. Of course he would, he didn’t deserve them.

That day had followed by a particularly dark period for Even, he wouldn’t get out of bed for weeks. There was no point anymore, was there? The irony of it all was that it was the first time Even didn’t have a film or other project he was working on. He had all this time to live inside his head.

Even found one of Julianne and Eirik’s stuffed toys, picked it up and went back to bed despite the early hour. There he lay, clutching the toy and looking at Isak’s barren side, alternating between sleeping, crying, and simply staring out into space for hours, days or maybe only minutes, he didn’t know because they all felt the same.

It was how his former assistant turned friend had found him, unmoving.

“Hell, Even, I genuinely thought you were dead. I mean, boy, you do smell like it.” Jolanda said before she paused, probably assessing the pathetic sight in front of her “Christ Even, what have you done to yourself… get up, I made some coffee in the kitchen. I’m not joking. I will call someone if you don’t get up yourself right now.”

“Sorry” Even mumbled slowly getting out of bed.

“Okay, I’m sorry I know I’m supposed to be your friend, but how about you jump into the shower first. I’ll throw the sheets into the wash...or maybe rather burn them..” she kept rambling shaking her head as she walked out of the room.

Even scoffed, but headed for the bathroom anyways. He slowly peeled his clothes off before stepping into the shower. The moment the water hit his skin, the tears began to flow again. He must have been in there for a while, because he heard a knock on the door.

“Just making sure everything is okay.” Jolanda called through the door.

He sighed turning off the water and stepped out of the shower feeling a little bit more human, but it had done nothing to fix the emptiness he felt within.

“Here” Jolanda shoved the cup of coffee at him when he stepped into the kitchen.

“What are these?” she nodded over to the papers with the words COPY stamped on them. The originals had already been mailed.

“Isak filed for separation.” he said voice sounding hollow. Saying it out loud hadn’t helped. It didn’t snap him out of the numbness.

“And let me guess, you signed them because you don’t think you deserve them?” She asked unimpressed.

“Something like that” Even mumbled raising the cup to his lips.

If there’s one thing Jolanda never did, it was hold punches, it’s why Even liked her so much. She may have come off as abrasive to some, but Even knew she was just being honest.

She nodded “I can clearly see that you don’t.” Then there were other times when he wished she’d keep her opinions to herself. “I doubt Isak gets to take the time to wallow in self pity right now.”

“I thought you were supposed to be my friend.” Even said.

“I am and that’s why I’m telling you when you’re the one in the wrong.”

“What do you want me to do? I lost them.”

“If you really believe that, then yes you have and you don’t deserve to have them in your life.”

Even sighed looking over at the papers.

“Look, you need to figure this out. But I have to run, I only stopped in to make sure you were still alive because you haven’t picked up your phone in days. Also you’re out of laundry detergent. I had to douse those sheets, though I still wouldn’t rule out burning them. Anyways, I’ll see you later when you’ve hopefully fully rejoined the land of the living and have decided what you’re going to do.” she kissed him on the cheek and turned around to leave before she stopped.

“Here” she put a card down on the kitchen counter “Dr. Lisle really helped me when I was in a dark place and I think it would be good for you to talk to her. Make an appointment.” she said before heading out the front door.

There were many reasons Even liked her for and this was one of them.

It had taken him another week before he picked up the card from the counter and made a call. And it felt like the first thing he had done right in a long time.

But even with the appointments he still felt lost, he hated being in that house on his own, but he was lost as to what to do. Until one night when sleep wouldn’t come, he opened up his laptop, the kids and Isak greeted him as his background. He looked at them a long time before opening up a file and he started to type.

America was supposed to be where they shared in his success as a family, where he repaid them all for the sacrifices they made for him. But instead it was where he broke them all apart. Broke them beyond repair.

He hoped deep down that it wasn’t the case, that he hadn’t completely destroyed everything. He prayed to no one, to anyone, that there was still hope.

The knock at his bedroom door brought him out of his thoughts.

“Hey sweetheart, sorry I heard you tossing and thought I’d bring you some tea” his mom said poking her head in.

“Yeah sorry, the time change and everything... makes it tough to fall asleep” he said sitting up and accepting the cup she was holding out for him.

She nodded, not commenting on his excuse and sat down at the edge of the bed looking around the room “I probably should have tidied up before you got here” she said taking a sip, then shrugged “or maybe I should start getting the kids to clean up after themselves.”

Even followed her gaze at the toys strewn across the floor, some sweaters and a pair of socks amongst them.

“No,” he said “this is fine.. This is good.” He nodded slightly. He’d take a room his children made a mess in over an empty room any day.

His mom looked back at him thoughtfully for a moment “I know you only just returned, but have you thought about what you are going to do?”

“Well filming starts in a week” Even said skirting the question.

She simply nodded again “and then?”

“I… I want to go see them.” Even said quietly.

“And do you have a plan for that?”

“Well-”

“Because if you don’t have a plan, I don’t think you should just disrupt their lives.”

Her words shocked Even and he almost dropped his cup, barely avoiding spilling the hot liquid.

“Look, I know I said I wasn’t going to get involved, Even. But you have to understand, those three have been through a lot. They need stability. So unless you have a plan and are going to follow through on it, I don’t think you should do it.”

“I want to be in their lives again”

“If that’s what you want then you have to know you can’t ever hurt them like that again.”

“I never wanted to lose them, I made a mistake” he whispers brokenly.

His mom sat her cup down on the ground next to the bed before taking his cup and placed it right next to it. She sat closer to him so as to hug his torso tightly.

“I know, love, I know you didn’t mean for any of this to happen, but you have to keep in mind how they might react now that you’re back. You can’t hurt them again.”

“I promise I will do everything I can not to. I want to make it up to them all.”

His mother smiled at him “It won’t be easy and it’ll be a long road to even have a chance at what you once had. Just make sure you have it in you before you reach out.”

*

He wasn’t expecting Isak’s reaction when he had opened the door for him that first time. He had expected him to yell or cry, or do anything, what he wasn’t expecting was a reserved Isak. One who had calmly talked through everything, one who wouldn’t let Even see past the facade, and he certainly didn’t expect for Isak to be so generous when he had decided to allow him to see them twice a week.

It was more than he could ever hope for. But as he was leaving, he could see it within Isak. He was just a moment from breaking down and he was barely holding it together. This was his doing. This version of Isak trying to hide his feelings from him. That was because of him.

When the door closed behind him he could hear Isak’s distressed gasp before hurried footsteps led away from the front door. Even wanted them back and he was already prepared to do anything it took to prove it to them. But in that moment hearing Isak’s distress, he vowed that even if it took him the rest of his life, he would find a way to make it up to Isak.

Even cherished every minute the four of them spent together. No matter how painful, how hard it was to drown out the shouts of his younger self in the back of his mind, angry at himself. Look at what you missed out on, look at what you lost, it screamed.

He knew it was a long road ahead of them. But he was prepared for it.

So when Isak called asking him to stay with the kids the week leading up to Christmas, it took all he had not to break down in tears of relief right there on the phone.

 

Sunday

He’s nervous walking the stairs up to Isak’s apartment with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He knocks on the door and this time he’s not met with the overly enthusiastic shouts of his children. In fact the entire mood in the apartment is somber.

“Hey” he hesitantly greets a tired looking Isak when he opens the door.

“Hey” Isak steps aside “thanks again for agreeing to stay with them. I’m not sure they’d be able to manage spending five nights away from home.”

“Of course” Even says, “thank you for calling and asking me. Umm where are the kids?” he asks looking around when he still doesn’t see them in the living room, seeing only a small suitcase all packed and ready to go.

“Eirik, Julianne, your pappa’s here” Isak calls.

Even can’t get past how exhausted Isak looks and all he wants to do is take him in his arms that moment and hold him. But he knows he’s lost that privilege.

The two exit their bedrooms but not with the same excitement he’s used to seeing.

“Hi” they mumble and Even looks to Isak who looks like he’s about to say something but then sighs defeated instead.

“Do you want to watch a show before I have to head out?” he asks, bargaining, Even thinks.

They shrug and go to sit in the living room. Their usual debate of what they should watch is non-existent. Both Eirik and Julianne cling onto Isak throughout the entire episode, but they seem to relax slightly.

Afterwards they both disappear into the kitchen claiming to have homework to do.

Isak doesn’t say anything and instead goes to the linen closet and gives Even a pillow, blanket, and a sheet for the couch.

“Uhh you can sleep in the bed while I’m gone if you want” Isak hesitantly offers after a moment with his own suitcase in hand on his way to the front door, giving Even the rundown of who to call in case of emergency and where everything is.

“I’ll be fine here” Even smiles laying the sheet out on the couch. It would feel wrong to be in it without Isak. Every bed has felt wrong without Isak, but to sleep in the bed that Isak had called his own for the past year and a half on his own feels like a sin.

“Alright” Isak says “kids I have to get going now.”

The two of them are right back to the way they were when Even had first arrived.

“Do you have to go?” Julianne whispers playing with the front of her shirt, looking down.

Isak kneels down in front of her “hey, I’ll only be gone a couple of days. I’ll be back on Friday, it’ll be so quick you won’t even notice.” he says gently, running a hand down her arm to reassure her.

“I’ll call you every night before bed, okay?” something passes between them and Julianne seems to pull away slightly

“Yeah, okay” she simply says, her attitude almost the complete opposite from the scared little girl a moment ago. And Even isn’t quite sure what just went on.

Isak exhales a sigh through his nose looking at both children “anyways, you’ll both have fun with your pappa, okay? I love you both” he gives them each a tight hug, kissing them on the top of their heads with each child mumbling an ‘I love you’ back before Isak walks out the door.

“Do you still have homework to do?” Even asks when the two still hadn’t moved from the front door.

They shake their heads but don’t say anything.

“How about watching a movie, or I can read to you two?” Even offers all of a sudden feeling completely out of his depth.

“Can you read to us?” Eirik asks after a moment.

“Sure, whichever book you want” Even says.

This time when they’re sitting on the couch it’s Eirik and Julianne that are clutching to one another.

 

Monday

Even hates how nervous he is. These are his kids, he should know what to do.

“Julianne, honey why aren’t you eating?” Even asks concerned.

“I don’t like yellow foods.” she says quietly.

Even furrows his brows in confusion.

“She just sometimes doesn’t like certain foods. It’s just a thing she does.” Eirik offers helpfully.

Even nods thoughtfully “but Julianne, they’re banana pancakes. There’s nothing yellow about them.”

“But banana peels are yellow, so bananas are a yellow food and I don’t like yellow foods.” she tries to explain starting to get upset.

“Okay, of course,” Even concedes trying to avoid any upset on his first day “there’s some yogurt here. Do you want some of that with fruit? No bananas, I promise.”

Thankfully Julianne nods and he sets off to getting her a new meal. He can’t help but feel guilt at the voice in the back of his head berating him for not knowing his own child’s quirks.

A coping mechanism, he thinks suddenly. He had met with a child psychologist while working on one of his films and one of the articles he had been given as reading material was on patients trying to deal with their stress by controlling their environment. The act of making decisions giving them some semblance of control over their situation where they would otherwise feel powerless. And he could definately name one source of stress for her.

Even takes a sip of his coffee, tasting especially bitter as he swallows before looking at the clock.

“We should get going soon so we won’t be late”

Mannen i mitt liv

Got the kids to school on time

Thank you

How’s the conference?

It’s good  
Though a lot more shaking hands  
and making small talk than I was expecting.

I’m sure you blew them away with your small talk

I could care less about how they reacted to my small talk  
I just hope I didn’t put anyone to sleep during my lecture

I’m sure you didn’t, your lectures are always riveting

You fell asleep on me the first time I tried to practice one of my lectures on you

And it’s improved greatly since then  
But if not, you’ve always got your small talk to fall back on  
Weather channel says to be expecting a cold front from the north

Funny

Even’s heart warms looking at Isak’s response, it warms enough to put a grin on his face for the rest of the day throughout filming.

 

Tuesday

Even had rearranged his schedule so he could make sure to drop the kids off in the morning and pick them up after school ends. Because this time around he’s not willing to miss out on a single moment he’s given with them.

“How was school?” he asks as they both get into the car much less enthusiastically than they had the day before.

“I have a science project due Friday, but dad’s not here to help check it” Eirik pouts.

“What’s it about? Maybe I can help?” Even asks.

“We have to draw a plant and label all its parts and what they do.”

“I’m sure we can figure that out, we can check it over together if you’d like.”

Eirik thinks about it for a few moments “sure I guess” he says not looking completely convinced.

“What about you, Julianne, how was your day?” Even tries.

“I didn’t do too well on my math test today” she mopes.

“How about this, we’ll do some science and math together before dinner and when we call dad tonight, he can check it over?”

It seems to be enough to put both children at ease as he pulls into the street and heads back to Isak’s.

Sitting at the kitchen table, Even thanks the universe that the kids are still young enough that he can easily help them with their homework. A few more years and he’d be busy googling about cells and trying to remember how to multiply fractions.

As the kids work away quietly, asking for his input from time to time, he thinks back on how he’s never been the one to do this, it’s always been Isak to sit down with Eirik when he had been old enough to go to school. Why hadn’t Even been the one to sit with them? How could things have been different if each day he had done it?

The call with Isak that night goes well and he can see the kids light up at seeing their dad, hearing his praises and the good job they did on their homework and consoling Julianne on her test. Seeing the kids become that much more animated just to hear their dad’s voice and see his face. Their dad that kept his promise to call and make time.

Even remembers how excited the kids were to talk to him when he did call them from across the ocean. His stomach churns thinking how disappointed they must have been in him when he didn’t make their scheduled calls.

 

Wednesday

Even would be lying if he said the week has gone as he had expected. He thought that both his kids would be in good spirits and would want to play, but instead their moods have been dampened by Isak’s absence.

So Even decides they should have at least one good night together and proposes they have a game night.

He’s picked a few that Isak had told him were their favorites and now that they have reached the halfway point in the week, the children seem to be in better spirits.

With the snacks prepared and the first game set up, he calls the kids who for the first time this week seem excited. The games go by smooth, both kids enjoying themselves greatly and Even luckily only has to play referee twice.

They play non-stop, the place finally lit up with laughter again, until skype starts to ring on the macbook they left out to make sure they could hear it when Isak called.

“Hi” Isak greets them with a big smile when they accept the call.

“Hi daddy” they both yell, sounding excited for the first time in days and Isak seems to be surprised at the change within them.

The kids tell Isak all about their day, sounding animated once more and showing them their current progress in their game.

“I think that game night was a good idea” Isak says impressed once the kids have gone to sleep.

“I was hoping it would cheer them up” Even says, pausing, “they really miss you.”

Isak looks down “yeah, I miss them too” grimacing, “I can’t wait to be back home, this hotel room is getting old really quick.”

“You’re doing a really good job looking after them” Isak continues, smiling slightly “you’ve made them really happy, you know. Just by being there and everything” and Even for the first time in a long time feels like he has done something right.

“Thanks” Even says smiling brightly and they just sit there staring at each other through their webcams. Trying to take each other in.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Isak clears his throat “I should probably…”

“Hey Isak?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to go anywhere, I want to keep being around for all of you in any way I can.”

“I know” Isak says, a sad smile forming on his lips “I don’t want you to go anywhere either.”

 

Thursday

It’s the last night before Isak comes home and he’s just starting to feel like he has a handle on things. Like he’s done well enough that Isak could be proud of him, when his reality comes crashing down around him and it comes in the form of Julianne having a nightmare.

He hadn’t been able to sleep and was lying on the couch staring into the room. It’s too dark to see the details of the pictures spread throughout the room, but he has every single one memorized. He knows exactly where on the wall the picture of Isak, Even, and the kids on vacation in Molde standing in front of the fountain girl.

And on the wall facing that one is the first picture the four of them took as a family and it was at Even’s parent’s home. They immediately took Eirik into their hearts and never let him go.

He’s in the middle of recalling each picture when he can hear small whimpers coming out of Julianne’s room. Worried he goes to check on her.

“Julianne? Sweetheart?” He whispers when the whimpers get louder and he gently opens the door to find her curled up clutching her blanket, trying to keep her crying quiet.

Sitting down at the edge of her bed, he strokes her hair back. “What’s wrong, love?”

She sits up to crawl into Even’s lap and clutches to his shirt, Even holding on to her tightly.

“Did you have a bad dream?” he asks gently.

He can barely make out the words when she tries to get them out through her tears “I want daddy.”

“He’ll be back tomorrow, love” he soothes, “but we can call him again if you want?”

Julianne hesitates before shaking her head and continues to cry. Even, unsure of what to do, just holds her, whispering reassurances to her.

When she finally quiets she pulls back to look up at him “I- I don’t want you to leave again when daddy comes back” she hiccups.

“Oh sweetheart” he says, his heart breaking “I’m just not going to be sleeping out there, but I’ll still be here for our dinners.”

Julianne sniffs “when I asked daddy if we would leave you again, he said we wouldn’t go anywhere. But what if it’s not true again? I don’t want you to leave either.”

It takes Even a moment to process the words through her sniffles.

“What do you mean if it’s not true again?” he asks hesitantly.

“We left you and then every time daddy would tell us you’d be coming back he was just lying because you never did” she whispers the words sleepily.

Why would she ask that question of Isak, he wonders but it only takes him a moment to realize the answer to that. His blood runs cold at the realization. All this time. He had thought that he was only destroying his own image to his kids, but the reality was that he had forced Isak to take it on himself to deliver Even’s failures as his own.

“Julianne” he says “your dad never did a single thing wrong, I need you to know that. None of this has been his fault” he pleads, but his daughter is already asleep in his arms.

Carefully he places her back down, tucking her in.

He looks at her one last time before stepping out of her room feeling numb. He hadn’t just just broken his family up. He’s destroyed it completely. How could an angel like Julianne possibly think that someone as caring and loving as Isak could possibly be responsible for any of this? But he knows how, it’s his doing after all.

Even is about to walk back to the couch, tears blurring his vision, before he turns to glance at Isak’s bedroom door. He walks towards it instead, slowly opening the door and stepping inside. It smells like Isak. It smells like home. There he sees exactly what he should have expected of someone as full of love as Isak. On the wall facing the bed are his drawings, hung up in frames like they are precious memories, pieces of art.

He doesn’t wipe the tears away as they finally spill over. Isak who had never done anything but be there for him and the kids, Isak who preserved Even’s image for their children as to not shatter their illusions, Isak who had even kept a piece of their love in his bedroom as the last thing he’d see before falling asleep. He had kept him alive in their family all along. He must have taken on all of the children’s hatred and anger. Isaks words resonate in his mind you weren’t there.

He thinks back to his mother’s protective words. Even deserves so much worse. He walks to the side of the bed that would normally be Isak’s and sits down on the floor next to it facing the drawings. All those times he had missed a call, whenever he broke his promises, all he had been focusing on was making it up to them at a later time. A time that never came. He was so wrapped up, so consumed in what he was working on, in himself, that he didn’t even think about what Isak must have felt like delivering his broken promises to the kids. Their precious angels that had grown wary of Isak and his unfulfilled words.

The silent tears continue to run as he rests his head against the mattress, as close as he is willing to let himself get.

How could Isak even look at him, let alone let him into the home he has had to rebuild piece by piece after Even destroyed it so carelessly. Even doesn’t deserve any of what Isak has given him.

He scoffs at himself thinking how pathetic he must have looked to Isak just waltzing in and asking for his family back because it had gotten to be too much for him. His fist clutches onto the duvet hanging off the side of the bed. And yet he never gave Isak the choice of when it was too much.

Even looks to the one drawing that has always been his favourite, one of Isak asleep and half covered by a sheet. Tears turn to quiet sobs as he remembers those times and how he had carelessly cast them aside. It was all meaningless without them. Life wasn’t worth anything without his family. How could he have done this to all of them? How could he expect anything from Isak now? How could Isak ever trust a single word he says?

Once again he finds himself praying to anyone who would listen, the universe itself, that this was the right one. This was the one where they would still have their forever.

He falls asleep there, curled up on the floor, face tear streaked, against Isak’s side of the bed, looking at his lovingly preserved drawings. Trying to be as close to him as he possibly dares.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like there will be one last chapter after this one. As much as I would have loved to combine it into one big chapter, I just don't have the time to write all of that right now and I don't want to make anyone wait any longer for an update.
> 
> You guys have all been so wonderful for reading these chapters even when they made some of you cry over and over, you don't even know how much that means to me. So thank you for your incredibly wonderful comments and all the kudos and just thank you in general to anyone who takes the time to read this whole story <3

Friday

Even Kosegruppa<3

Can we talk when you get home?

Sure, is everything alright?

Sorry yes everything is fine, nothing to worry about  
Just want to have that talk we’ve been meaning to have  
My parents are fine to take the kids after school for a bit  
If that’s alright with you

Yeah that’s fine, tell them thanks  
I should be home around 13.00

Is it okay if I wait for you at your place then?

Yes that’s fine

Thank you, see you then

 

Isak vows to never again travel around Christmas, especially the day before Christmas eve. The stress of it and the other travelers is simply not worth it. But all that disappears when he finally pulls up in front of their building early afternoon. Isak’s heart begins to fill with anticipation as he climbs the stairs up to his apartment. Even with the kids at their grandparents, he’s still glad to be home again. A part of him is even looking forward to seeing Even again, although he’s still a little apprehensive at how their conversation will go.

Things had been civil between them, bordering on friendly really, but it could still go either way. Truth be told, he wants to have a good relationship with Even, in whatever capacity they are able to manage.

He thinks about how much of a difference Even was able to make in their lives, just by being there again. How his family started to feel whole once more. This past week with the kids and a couple of weeks ago with Julianne’s birthday.

Even had been so flustered and stressed, trying to make sure everything about the party was perfect, texting Isak at all hours. Isak would probably have been annoyed by it if it wasn't for the fact that he knew where that worry stemmed from. Even was trying to make up for lost time.

Julianne had been in much better spirits this time around with Even there, surrounded by all of her family and their friends and children. She took Even around the room and made sure everyone knew her pappa was there, making any necessary introductions herself.

“He's trying” Isak had said when Jonas shot him a questioning look. “Like really trying. He wants to fix things, make it up to us.”

“Figured as much” Jonas said. Not negatively, just stating his observation.

“How are you holding up?” Jonas followed up.

“Actually, not too bad’ Isak answered honestly “it’s been nice having him around again.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to work things out?”

“I don’t know,” Isak said truthfully “but we’re trying.”

The entire day Julianne barely left Even’s side, holding onto his hand and talking his ear off. Where Isak would have at one point been jealous of the attention, he understood where her need to reassure herself that Even was really there came from. He felt insecure about it sometimes himself. He would wonder if he'd just wake up the next morning to find out this had all just been a dream.

He unlocks the front door, dropping his suitcase by the entrance and begins taking off each outdoor layer.

“Hey” Even greets from the end of the hall smiling slightly, but there’s something sad about his expression, something that leaves Isak feeling nervous and on guard. He’s been that way ever since getting Even's text wanting to talk.

“Hey” he returns in greeting, hanging up his coat.

“How was the trip?”

“It was actually went better than I expected, even got a some pretty good feedback.” Isak says dropping his suitcase by the washer in the bathroom before coming back out and facing Even, “but now I’m just glad to be back home” he smiles slightly.

Even nods, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, looking as nervous as Isak feels.

“Do you want some coffee?” Isak offers. Maybe holding something warm between his hands will make this conversation easier. He can’t help but picture the last big talk they had shared in their bed in Los Angeles. Crying, and holding onto one another. He wonders how this one would go in comparison.

“Sure” Even takes him up on the offer following him into the kitchen. Isak hates how awkward it feels between them right now, how distant they seem. They used to be on the same page on everything at one point and an invitation to talk used to mean asking the other to do laundry a little more often or reminding one another to communicate a little more frequently. Now an invitation to talk has the power of breaking them both.

“How was the week with the kids?” Isak asks to fill the silence while waiting for the ancient coffee maker to finish. All of a sudden he wishes he had replaced the thing with a new one, a faster one months ago so they wouldn’t have to stand around for so long.

“They were wonderful” Even smiles.

“No tantrums?”

“Literal angels”

Isak raises a brow, “you gave in to their every request, didn’t you?”

“No no, honestly. They were great. We stuck to their bedtime, teeth were brushed and vegetables were eaten.”

“Alright” Isak says slowly, skeptical, but happy to hear that things had gone smoothly.

Even continues to fill in Isak on their week, not that he hadn’t heard most of it from the children during their nightly calls, but it feels different getting Even’s perspective. There’s something heartwarming about it, seeing him talk of each day so fondly, being honest about trying to find his footing at the beginning of the week, and how good it had felt each time he got it right. They’re feelings Isak knows all too well and he can tell that when Even trails off he’s thinking about the time he’s already lost.

“Thank you” Isak says smiling, “for doing a great job.”

He sees Even’s face light up when the older man looks to him again and Isak notices how all awkwardness has dissipated. It feels nice having an honest conversation with Even again. It feels natural. And Isak realizes that the pit he’s been feeling in his stomach is fear. Fear of losing the little bit they have managed to regain.

They’re both so lost in thought that they are caught off guard when the coffee maker makes its last spurting sounds, grinning at each other for their jumpiness.

Isak pours two cups and they find themselves sitting in the living room, on the same couch, just on opposite sides, facing one another. The two of them are silent for a few minutes, neither knowing how to start, where to even begin.

It’s Even who breaks the silence first “I was wrong” he says looking at Isak, “I was wrong to ever put the three of you second, to think I could just make it up to you later. You should have always been my focus. You. You’ve always been there for me regardless. You always helped me up when I stumbled. You stayed when you didn’t have to and I don’t think I ever even thanked you for it all. But I am, I am oh so thankful for every minute you have given me.”

Isak continues to listen, willing to hear what he has to say, letting him get everything he needs to out. Even takes a shaky breath “I don’t know when I started taking everything we’ve had for granted. But I did and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for it and I can’t expect you to either, I know, especially after all that you’ve done. Continue to do.” Even looks at him with awe, tears in his eyes.

“You’ve kept me in the kids’ lives even when I wasn’t there and I never even realized what that took of you. What each time I failed put you through.” Even shakes his head and Isak can feel tears start to well up in his own eyes. Tears for the struggles he has been through. Tears for their lost time.

“I thought I was only hurting myself and how they saw me. But you didn’t let that happen.” Even looks around the room, eyes lingering on each picture, “you kept me around for them when I didn’t deserve it, you took it all on yourself.”

“You didn’t let them hate me, you took it all on” Even whispers looking down, ashamed, Isak thinks, his heart clenching at seeing Even look so broken.

“I’m so sorry. You were right, I didn’t know and I wasn’t there when I should have been” Even looks at him, tears now threatening to spill over “I’ve put you all through so much, especially you, and I had no right to hurt you like that. I know there’s nothing I can ever do to make up for it, nothing will ever be enough.” The look in Even’s eyes turns to one of fear as he whispers “I don’t even have a right to ask of what I have so far, you don’t owe me a thing.”

“Isak, I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry for everything. For hurting you, for hurting the kids, for being the reason the kids were angry with you, for not listening to you when you asked me to come home, for not being the man you deserved. I am so fucking sorry.”

Isak watches as Even tries to suppress his sobs, tears now streaming down his face and Isak can feel his own start to fall, his heart hurting as he watches the man he’s loved for half his life break in front of him, crying tears that Isak has long ago already cried.

So Isak does what he wished someone had done for him during the past two years, he moves to sit next to him and simply holds him.

“I'm sorry” Even whispers brokenly and Isak pulls him tighter, tucking his head under his chin. “I know” he whispers running his hand through Even's hair.

“I know” he repeats when Even once more whispers a sad “I'm so sorry”

They continue to sit in the same spot, Even’s head resting against Isak’s chest, continuing to run his fingers through the older man’s hair for a while after Even has calmed, the brief winter sun already gone at that point.

It’s another while before Isak breaks the silence, this time it’s his turn to open up “I felt so alone” he whispers “I hoped-” he takes a shaky breath. It’s terrifying exposing himself like this to Even again when once it had been so easy, but he knows he has to. He can’t carry this on his own anymore, he doesn’t want to.

“I hoped that by moving back home you would follow. But you didn’t.” He continues quietly “And when I realized that, it broke something within me. I was alone and you weren’t there.”

Even continues to sit there silently, letting Isak speak, simply listening, clinging to him as Even whispers ‘I’m sorry’s into his chest. The pressure of Even’s body giving Isak comfort and reassurance. And Isak bares his soul to the only other person who can understand him right now.

Isak doesn’t expect it, but despite the continuous tears and reopening wounds that have barely begun to heal over, he feels lighter, almost weightless after he’s done baring himself to Even, sharing his struggles, his hurt, his feelings of inadequacy. This time it’s Even that takes a hold of him, stroking his hair and Isak leaning his head against Even’s chest. His heartbeat soothing Isak.

Souls bared and all of their fears and failures laid out for the other to see, they continue to sit there, holding on to one another, simply letting the other know they are not alone. Not anymore. And for the first time in a long while Isak feels like he isn’t doing it on his own anymore.

They won’t move past it overnight, Isak knows, it’ll be a long journey, but if they take it minute by minute as they always did, he knows they can make it. He doesn’t know at what capacity. He can’t promise Even anything, but he knows he doesn’t want to miss out on having Even in his life. Not again.

“I’ve been thinking” Isak says into the quiet once they have calmed, but haven’t yet moved from their spot “that thing about treating each other like acquaintances that you said?”

“Yeah sorry, it was stupid, I don’t know what I was thinking” Even says flustered.

“No no, I think you were on to something, but I don’t think we should treat each other almost like strangers” Isak pauses “but more like friends at least? Or trying to become friends again? Because we were also friends, best friends.”

Even looks at him surprised for a moment “yeah, friends. I would like that, but only if you’re okay with it.” running a hand through Isak’s hair once more “you don’t ever have to give more than you’re comfortable with.”

Isak smiles “I’m not giving more than I want to, this is what I want.”

“Then yes, that’s where i want to be with you too” Even says holding Isak just a little bit tighter.

“Good” It is all he can offer for the moment but if feels like a big step.

When Isak looks at the clock he sees it’s already 18.00, he sits up checking his phone. No new notifications, Liv must be busy with the kids, or more likely giving him and Even time knowing her.

Isak sighs, not wanting to move from his current position, not when it feels so right, but he also desperately wants to see the kids and eventually that desire wins out.

“I should go pick the kids up” he says sitting back up.

“Yeah, they missed you a lot”

“I missed them too” Isak grins

They’re standing by the door, the atmosphere between them calmer now, all tension gone. Isak’s not sure what prompts him to ask, but he does anyways “are you going to be joining us for Christmas Eve at your parents tomorrow?”

“I wasn’t sure if that would be okay with you” Even hesitates.

“You should be there, with your family” Isak says and Even looks at him surprised.

“Okay” he says with a hopeful smile.

The drive over to Liv and Jørn’s is calm, both still coming down from their emotional exchange, staying to safer topics for the time being such as work, the kids, and his trip to Stockholm.

When they arrive, Even pulls out his key and opens up the front door. It’s barely 10 seconds before he hears his kids scream “Daddy! Daddy!” running towards him from the living room.

Isak is caught off guard by the warm reception, immediately on his knees so he can hug both kids tightly in return “I missed you two so much” he says when they cling to him.

“Are you two playing dress up?” he asks looking over them when he pulls back, seeing them with tinsel draped over their clothes.

“No” Eirik giggles “we’re decorating the tree because grandma says we’ve been so good that we could do it today.”

“Come see” Julianne says taking his hand in hers “you too pappa” she says as she takes Even’s hand in her other one.

Liv and Jørn look at the both of them when they enter the living room before glancing at one another, sharing a secret look that Isak can’t even begin to decipher. He wonders if he will have that again, so many shared years and shared glances only they could understand.

“Hello boys” Jørn greets them with a smile

“Welcome back Isak” Liv says pulling him into a hug. Behind her is an extravagant tree standing level to him. “Was your trip alright?” she asks full of motherly concern.

Isak tears his eyes from the tree “Uh yeah, it was fine, good actually. But nothing beats being back home. Wow the tree looks amazing. Did you guys do all this today?” He asks looking down at two very proud looking children.

“Mhm do you like it?” Eirik asks.

“It’s beautiful, think you have the energy to decorate our tree tomorrow morning?” Isak asks.

“Yes! Of course” Julianne exclaims.

Isak looks back at the lit up tree and then towards Even. They used to always decorate together and the last christmas didn’t feel right without Even.

“Do you want to help?” Isak asks quietly turning to Even. Though apparently not quietly enough because he can feel the rest of the room freeze around them. If Even didn’t expect the invitation, neither did Liv and Jørn or the kids.

“Of course” Even says beaming, taking only a moment to recover from his shock. To Isak’s dismay the rest of the room isn’t as fast to recover. He sighs, looking over to his in-laws, shooting them a look which is met with innocent stares.

 

Saturday

Isak is looking at the small figurine he picked up during his trip and debates if he should wrap it or not. Is it even appropriate to give anything when he's just come back into their lives? Isak doesn't know what even possessed him to buy it in the first place, it's only a small insignificant gift, but at the time it felt important that he get it. He sighs and decides to wrap it anyways. He's not going to put it under the tree and instead see if it feels right to give anything. He can always hold onto it instead.

“Pappa's here!” Eirik shouts down the hall and Isak decides to put the small figurine on his bed side table for now, walking out to greet Even and finds him with bags of his own.  
“I figured I'd bring a few things if that's okay” Even offers in explanation.

“Of course” Isak says taking one bag from him that holds two wrapped presents.

“Tree?” Isak asks.

“Mhm. I also brought some of the ingredients for making glogg” Even says “with grape juice” looking over at the kids “mom's taking care of the real thing for tonight.”

“Nice, I hope she's not running herself ragged. I kept offering to help, but she wouldn't have it.”

“You know mamma” Even says, “but I was lending her a hand earlier this morning and she has it all under control.”

“Of course” Isak says smiling and places the two wrapped gifts under the undecorated tree with the rest of the gifts. The kids are already sitting in the living room unwrapping all of the decorations he had taken out of the hallway closet.

Even sets the remaining bag down in the kitchen and joins them as they decorate the tree, both him and Isak help hand ornaments to the kids and lifting them up to reach the top of the tree. By the time they finally put up the star, most of the morning has already gone by.

After spending half the day in their cozy pajamas, it takes a combined effort from Isak and Even to get the kids dressed in their nice clothes and ready to join their grandparents at the traditional Christmas service before their Christmas dinner and presents.

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Isak asks for the third time standing in the entry to Liv’s kitchen.

She looks at him and sighs fondly putting the roast pan down on the wooden board. “You’ve already set the table and put all the dishes out.”

“I can still help with anything else you need” he insists “I feel bad sitting out there while you’re in the kitchen.”

“Even” she calls “come collect your husband before the roast gets cold because he was busy distracting me.”

“I’m only trying to help” Isak defends and he hears Even chuckle from behind him.

“Come on Isak, you know mamma is a one woman show.”

“See? He gets it” Liv says.

“Fine, fine, I know when I’m not wanted” Isak says throwing his hands up dramatically.

“You’re always wanted, sweetheart” Liv calls after him.

It’s really a Christmas tradition in itself at this point, Isak’s insistence on helping and Liv’s stubbornness at having everything under control.

After dinner it’s finally time for presents, much to the children’s relief and they happily tear into their gifts as the adults exchange theirs. Isak is caught off guard when the kids hand him a large rolled up cloth canvas.

“What’s this?” he asks.

“Open it!” Julianne says excited.

He slowly unrolls it to find a painting of their family. The kids, him, and Tornado, and Even, painted by his children, but their painstaking effort clearly visible.

“Did you two do this?” He asks in awe.

“Grandpa helped” Eirik says.

“Barely” Jørn says “I just showed them how to do it, but they practically did it all themselves.”

“It’s beautiful” Isak whispers, showing it to Even.

“Incredible” Even says quietly.

Isak smiles “it’s our family.”

“It is,” Even agrees.

“I will get a frame and hang it with the rest of the drawings in my room” Isak says “Thank you so much, I love it, it’s perfect.”

Eirik and Julianne seemingly pleased with their praises turn back to their toys and the remainder of their gifts.

Even even hands him a small envelope, containing a detailed drawing of them all surrounding the tree, together. Captioned: The only universe that matters. In his heart he knows it’s true, this is the only one they get and Isak can slowly feel himself realizing exactly what he wants out of this one. Deep down he still knows what he wants, the same thing that he’s always wanted.

“Thank you” Isak whispers, cherishing the image and Even smiles in return.

“I’ll grab the drinks” Even offers later that night standing up from the ground as he heads for the kitchen.

“I’ll go help” Isak mumbles and follows, feeling his right pocket where the little figurine is, unwrapped because he only had a quick moment to grab it off his nightstand before they had to leave for the Christmas service.

“Oh I was just going to put all the cups on a tray” Even says already reaching for a few cups from the cupboard.

“Do you really think you can manage getting six cups over there without spilling?” Isak can’t help but tease.

“Hey there’s only one of us that has years of restaurant and coffee shop experience to show for themselves and it’s not you.”

Isak laughs “and you really think you still possess those skills? At your age?”

“My age? What about my age?” Even asks mock offended and Isak thinks about how amazing it feels to just openly laugh together again and tease.

“Believe it or not, I didn’t come here just to tease you about your age, though I still think you’ll be re-carpeting your mom’s living room if you try to carry all those by yourself. I actually wanted to give you this.” Isak reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little metal figurine of a laurel wreath holding it out to Even.

“I know it’s not much, and maybe it’s just ridiculous..” Isak rambles all of a sudden this item that had felt perfect at the time, now feels inadequate, but Even simply stares at him in open admiration.

“Julius Caesar” he says quietly.

“Yeah,” Isak says “I just saw it and thought of you,” of them, of their wedding, of the beginning of them, he doesn’t add.

But somehow Even seems to get it, because he’s holding the small figurine like it’s the most precious thing on earth and pulls Isak into a tight hug. A hug that he wasn’t expecting to receive, but welcomes all the same and wraps his arms around Even, holding him

“I figured I’d help you two before you manage to spill all over the living room trying to carry three cups each- Oh no am I interrupting something?” Liv asks.

“Nah,” Isak says pulling back “just wishing each other a merry Christmas.”

“And Isak was busy doubting my skills with a tray.” Even adds.

Liv looks skeptical “I’m going to have to side with Isak on this one, it’s been how many years since you’ve last had to carry a tray filled with anything? Let’s play it safe and just take two cups each.”

“Told ya” Isak smirks.

They’re watching the kids play when Isak turns to Even who is sitting next to him. Maybe it’s the Christmas atmosphere and simply remembering all of the good times they’ve had together, because he invites Even for a second time in as many days

“Do you want to come over early tomorrow? Have breakfast with us too instead of only dinner? That is if you don’t have any other plans for the day.” Isak asks not wanting their family time to come to an end yet.

“No, no other plans” Even smiles “I’d love to join. I can even make breakfast.”

“I hope so, because I wasn’t planning on making it.” Isak grins in return.

“Of course not” Even laughs nudging Isak’s shoulder with his own.

Out of the corner of his eye he can see Liv and Jørn watching them and he can’t help but wonder what it is that they see when they look at the two of them, their friendly camaraderie or something more? If it’s anything more, then Isak isn’t ready to know.

 

Sunday

Isak is barely awake when he hears the bell ring, but still gets up groaning. He’s already had his morning run and shower, but after looking back at his still unmade bed he promptly got back into bed for some much needed rest.They should have agreed to a later time, but Isak wasn’t about to let the kids miss out on having a nice family breakfast on Christmas day with both their dads. And if he is really honest with himself, he didn’t want to miss out on having Even cook him breakfast either.

He realizes he’s only wearing his pajama bottoms, completely shirtless when he opens up the door to an amused and slightly surprised Even, eyes roaming over him and Isak rolls his eyes, not having any way of hiding his blush. He brings his left arm across his chest, hand resting on his right shoulder.

“Were you still sleeping?” Even asks, an eyebrow raised.

“Actually went back to bed” Isak answers stepping aside and walking into the kitchen, Even following after leaving his outdoor clothes in the entry hall closet.

“I can make some coffee” Isak yawns “the kids should be up any moment, they passed out pretty quickly when we got home last night.”

Even considers him for a moment “if you need some more sleep, you can go back to bed. I’ve got breakfast covered.”

“You sure?”

“Of course, go back to sleep, knowing you, you’ve barely gotten any rest the last couple of days.” Even reassures him.

Isak chooses not to argue and takes him up on the offer. “Alright, thanks, feel free help yourself to anything you see, make yourself at home.” Isak says walking back to his bedroom. He listens to the soft sounds of Even moving around the kitchen and is lulled back to sleep immediately.

When he wakes again, two hours later according to his phone, he can hear the kids and Even talking in the kitchen, the smell of coffee and french toast drifting through the apartment. Isak just lays there for a few minutes enjoying it. He can’t even remember the last time he’s woken up to sounds and smells so wonderful, but it was definitely with Even in his life.

Not wanting to miss out on the cozyness of their time together, he decides to join them, this time grabbing a white T-shirt and throwing it on before leaving his room.

He steps into the kitchen observing the sight in front of him, the kids helping Even set the table.

“Hey” Even smiles brightly the moment he notices Isak and he turns around, pouring a cup of coffee and holds it out to Isak. It feels so damn domestic that Isak can feel a slight flush creeping over his cheeks.

“Thanks” he says “good morning” he greets the kids.

“Morning, pappa said we should let you sleep” Eirik says stealing a piece of fruit from the table and popping it in his mouth.

“Well thank you for that” he kisses the crown of his head “so what’s the plan for today?” he asks when they’re all sat down for breakfast.

“Can we go play in the snow at the park?” Eirik asks “I wanna go sledding.”

“And can we watch the Christmas star movie after?” Julianne asks.

Isak looks over to Even, asking his opinion “sure” Even agrees smiling, looking at Isak affectionately, thankful for being included.

Isak grins back. It feels nice to have this again, this connection, in whatever capacity they can manage to get it back. It will never be the exact same as it was before, but maybe different isn’t so bad.

 

Wednesday

“We’re planning on spending the second watching movies. Do you want to join?” Isak asks as they’re cleaning up after dinner. The second, their wedding anniversary, but he doesn’t need to add that. It’s not a day either of them will be forgetting any time soon.

“Are you sure?” Even asks “if all of this has been too much between the holidays and everything, I can always give you some space if you need it.”

“No it hasn’t been” Isak admits “unless it’s been too much for you?” He asks hesitantly.

“No, no, God no, I would love to get to spend it with all of you.”

“Good” Isak says “you can take care of dinner that day.” The truth of the matter is that he can feel Even’s constant presence slowly dissolve the kids’ fears and to some extent his own.

 

Monday

They all end up spending the day watching some of their family favorites, taking a break in the middle of it all to go to the park, bundling up to keep warm when the temperatures dip below the predicted -9˚C. And one snowball fight and a snowman later they finally head back home trying to warm up with some hot cocoa in the kitchen and entertaining themselves by playing a few rounds of card games.

It strikes Isak how natural it has begun to feel to have Even around all the time and how nice it has been to have someone else step in again and help him out whenever he needs some time or has to get some work done. After all of this time trying to make it on his own and remain strong, it's just nice to know he has someone to lean on once more. And the more time Even spends with them, the more Isak relaxes and begins to believe him when he says he's not going anywhere.

They are in the middle of watching a suspenseful movie, the sun already set, when Isak offers to make them all another round of hot cocoa which no one declines.

He turns down the heat on the pot when he realizes he forgot the cups. Isak turns to go back into the living room when the sound of hushed voices stop him.

“Are you back for forever now?” he hears Julianne ask and Isak leans back against the wall, not intending to listen in, but also unable to let himself interrupt their conversation or let himself walk away.

“I want to be, I don’t ever want to leave any of you again.” Even says and the voices go silent for a moment before Julianne speaks again.

“Please don’t hurt daddy.” she says quietly.

“He stopped being sad since you’ve been back. We don’t want to see him sad again.” Eirik adds.

The words tear at Isak’s heart. How much had his children witnessed despite his best efforts to hide it all from them? He quietly walks back into the kitchen, the cocoa starting to warm slowly.

“You forgot the cups” Even says behind him, cautiously “did you hear…” he trails off.

“Uh yeah,” Isak admits “sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

Even nods “I meant what I told them. I don’t ever want to see you sad again and I never want to be the cause for it either. I mean I can’t guarantee to never upset you again in any way, but I will do everything I can not to. Isak, these past couple of weeks have been some of my greatest memories. I don’t ever want to do anything to put that into jeopardy. I love being in all your lives again and I love having you in mine. You’ve given me so much, I just keep worrying that I’m taking more than you’re comfortable with and I don’t want to push you. Ever.”

“You’re still my best friend” Even says “and I don’t ever want to lose you again.”

“I know” Isak smiles slightly “and if it ever gets to be too much, I’ll tell you.”

Neither of them mentioned the significance of the date the entire day, but they didn’t have to. They both know. It feels different though, spending their anniversary together again, with their kids. More meaningful somehow. Because now it’s not just about sharing in the day they got married. Now it’s about looking at one another and seeing all their imperfections, all their shortcomings and saying yes, I want you in my life in whatever way they can manage. Both of them just doing the best they can.

There has been no romantic atmosphere surrounding them all day, it’s all been friendly, caring. And that’s more important to Isak right now. Everything else can come later if it ever will. But right now he knows he’s not on his own anymore. And for the time being that’s enough. For now, for this minute, it’s all that matters.

“You’re my best friend too.” he says.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the final chapter. I'm actually quite sad to see these versions go, but I'm so happy with how far they've come!
> 
> Thank you again to all the amazingly wonderful comments I have received, you guys have really brightened my days. And also again to anyone that reads this story in general, thank you for taking the time out of your day!!
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this last instalment <3

Sunday 29.01.2034

“And then you cut the peppers like this,” Even demonstrates for Eirik before looking back at his son. Isak and Even had been taking turns teaching the kids how to cook, wanting them to be more involved at a younger age.

“They look prettier when dad cuts them.” Eirik says after a moment.

“They do, don’t they.” Even agrees “who would have thought” he mumbles under his breath.

“Jealous?” Isak grins looking up from the kitchen table where he is sitting with Julianne practicing her cursive with one of his own textbooks in front of him.

“Well yes, considering there was a time you couldn’t even cook rice.”

“Daddy also makes really good rice” Julianne chimes in. Even sighs exasperated looking back at Isak who is looking pretty smug now and narrows his eyes slightly in jest.

“What can I say, turns out I’m just a natural in the kitchen.”

“Who would have thought” Even repeats smiling and shaking his head.

“I did have the best teacher though” Isak tells Julianne before looking back at Even.

“Grandma?” She asks.

“Exactly” Isak responds not being able to help teasing Even. It’s nice that they can joke like they used to, comfortable, teasing.

“Oh? Is that how it’s going to be? Would you like to take over making dinner?” Even grins pointing a wooden spoon in Isak’s direction.

Isak looks at him innocently, “me? Sorry, wish that I could but we’re really busy here” he says pointing at his book and Julianne’s workbook.

“Mhmm,” Even narrows his eyes slightly, winking before turning back to the counter to continue instructing Eirik.

Isak looks at the two of them, enjoying the sight of seeing father and son together, so close and loving, so domestic. Seeing Even cook for their family once again.

Isak and Even are standing together at the sink, cleaning up after dinner when Isak decides to ask after all of the planning he and the kids had done.

“So I was wondering...what are your plans for your birthday?” Isak asks.

“I don’t have any plans on the actual day, I wanted to keep Sunday free to see you and the kids if that’s okay.”

“No, that’s perfect.” Isak says smiling “I just wanted to make sure you were going to be around.”

Even raises an eyebrow in question “big plans?”

“That’s a secret” Isak grins handing him another plate.

 

Saturday 11.02.2034

“Here, carefully spread the icing on this layer, you don't want to tear through it” Isak says showing Julianne how to hold the butter knife.

“Like this?”

“Exactly like that, good job honey.” Isak praises.

“You doing okay there?” He asks Eirik who is busy working on a card trying to get it just perfect.

“Almost done.” Eirik responds, tongue out in deep concentration.

They spend the rest of the afternoon blowing up balloons and creating a banner. Luckily Isak managed to dissuade Julianne from using glitter in the decorating, promising her that everything would look just as beautiful without it.

The reality was that he’s dealt with glitter before and he wasn’t about to willingly allow it into his home to have it stick around for the next 50 years. He had learned all too quickly when he was roped into helping Vilde decorate. He was finding glitter on himself, on the couch, and even in his food for months after the party and it hadn’t even taken place in his apartment.

Regardless, it had been a while since he’s gotten a chance to do anything special like this for anyone other than the kids and he’s excited for it, excited to see Even react to the effort he and the kids have put into his birthday.

 

Sunday 12.02.2034

“Happy Birthday!” The kids immediately shout the moment Even steps foot into the apartment.

“Thank you!” He exclaims crouching down to hug them tightly, both giving his cheeks big kisses once Isak takes his coat and hangs it up for him.

When Even stands up Isak pulls him into a hug as well “happy birthday Even,” and they must stand there a moment too long, clinging to one another because next thing the kids are calling for their attention wanting Even to see the living room and kitchen they had spent all day yesterday decorating.

“It’s beautiful.” Even says in awe when they enter the living room which is filled with balloons, streamers and a homemade banner. “You guys really didn’t have to.” He says quietly.

“Of course we did, you’re our pappa.” Julianne giggles clinging onto his hand, Eirik holding onto the other.

“Well it looks amazing. Thank you all of you.”

“Here,” Isak says pulling out his phone and turning to the camera app “stand under the banner with the kids.”

Even moves where he’s directed to and crouches down hugging the kids tightly as they all look towards Isak, smiling brightly.

“Perfect” Isak smiles snapping the perfect picture that is definitely worthy of going on the wall.

The kids talk non-stop through dinner, barely giving either Isak or Even a chance to eat much either. Though it ends up leaving more room for the cake, Isak figures.

After their barely touched dinner, the kids only pause long enough to ask Isak if they can now give their presents.

“Sure, do you guys want to go and grab them?” Isak asks and the two of them run off to Isak’s room where the wrapped presents are lying on his bed.

“You guys got me presents too?” Even asks surprised “you know you really didn’t have to.”

Isak rolls his eyes “it’s your birthday, Even, you’re getting presents. Quit thinking that you don’t deserve all of this. You do. You’ve brought so much joy into their lives again, seriously. So just enjoy the night, okay?”

Even lets out a small laugh and smiles back at Isak, “okay.”

“Good, because I think you will like these.”

“I will like anything if it’s from you.”

“Oh? Let me remember that for your next birthday then.” Isak chuckles clearing off the table “nope, it’s your day you can’t help, sorry.” he says trying to seem stern but failing when Even moves to pick up one of the plates.

“Okay, okay” Even puts his hands up in defeat “sit back and enjoy, got it.”

“See, was that so hard?”

The kids return with three small gifts, all carefully wrapped and the card. Even starts opening up one of them to find a casting of Julianne’s hand imprints and a matching pair for Eirik wrapped in the second gift.

“Here look at the card.” Eirik says when Even is still looking at the two castings quietly. Even clears his throat, “sure” accepting the card and Isak can hear the tears Even is trying to hold back, so he places a hand on his shoulder in comfort.

Even over to him, giving him a silent thank you.

“Wow these are all so beautiful, thank you.” Even chokes out “you all are so perfect, honestly.”

“But there’s one more” Julianne says pushing the last small flat one towards him.

Isak is nervous watching Even open up this one, should he have made it? Maybe it wasn’t really appropriate.

He continues to watch as Even carefully unfolds it and pulls out the paper. The small paper Isak had spent more times trying to re-draw than he would like to admit.

He can hear the shocked sudden exhale Even lets out. Isak had been trying to copy one of Even’s comics, drawing only one panel of the four of them around a table with a cake and candles, the header reading “Happy Birthday Even” and underneath “In this universe, your universe.”

Isak knows the significance of the gesture and what it must mean to Even and he had spent weeks deciding if he should go through with it, but seeing the look on Even’s face right now, he knows he made the right decision.

Even turns to him and places a hand on top of Isak’s which is still resting on his shoulder and squeezes gently, so Isak squeezes his shoulder in return in a silent exchange. An _I’m here_ and a _thank you_.

“Can we do cake?” Julianne asks and Isak stands up to turn on the kettle and pulls the cake out of the fridge.

“You guys made it yourselves?” Even asks surprised.

“Even, when have we ever celebrated a birthday together without cake?” Isak asks exasperated.

“But you made it, you didn’t have to make the effort.” Even tries to reason, but stops when Isak raises an eyebrow daring him to continue, not looking away as he sticks the candles into the cake, trying to prove a point.

“Okay got it” Even smiles.

After cake they end up just watching one of Even’s favorite movies, all sitting on the couch bundled together.

It’s only the four of them and at first Isak had worried, wondering if they should have invited friends and family, but seeing Even looking so completely content right now, Isak knows he made the right decision by keeping it only to their little family.

They’re both standing in the hallway outside the kids’ bedrooms looking at one another after having tucked the kids in for the night.

“Thank you for making it so special.” Even wraps his arms around Isak and holds him tight. “Thank you.”

And Isak leans in, taking comfort in both the embrace and the smell of Even.

“You’re welcome” he says into Even’s shoulder resting his head in the familiar spot where it had rested so many times before.

 

Wednesday 15.03.2034

“Do you mind picking the kids up after school on Monday again?” Isak asks handing Even the freshly washed casserole dish.

The two nights a week arrangement had long ago gone out the window, with Even now spending most evenings with them as a family. Even picking the kids up whenever Isak asked him to. It did lead to a few comments from Liv and Jørn about not seeing the kids enough anymore, instead arranging on having them over the odd evening for dinner themselves claiming that it was to give Isak more time to catch up on his work.

Except even on the nights the kids weren’t there, Even was still around and Isak didn’t mind one bit. They would still have dinner together, sometimes cooking together and always cleaning up together but never running out of things to say. Sometimes when they both had work to get done they would simply sit in the living room or the kitchen silently focused on their work, but still taking comfort in the other’s presence. It had become the new normal, Even being a constant in their family once more and whether Isak wanted to admit it out loud or not, he took great comfort in it.

“Of course” Even says drying off the dish “Eirik will have a spare key again?”

“Thanks,” Isak says before pausing “I was actually thinking that with you picking the kids up yourself from time to time, maybe you’d have your own key.”

Even looks at him surprised “are you sure?”

“Yeah, I mean you’re already picking them up from school twice a week, or sometimes more, so it makes sense right?” Isak reasons. For some reason he feels like there is so much on the line by offering the key to Even. He’s not sure why, but if Even rejects his offer, he knows he’ll be crushed by it.

“Thank you,” Even smiles sincerely, accepting it. Holding it much like he had his Christmas present, like it was the most precious thing in the world to him. And the significance of the gesture is not lost on Isak, because he knows what it means, it says you are welcome here. You belong here. And he means it when he hands Even that key.

 

Saturday 08.04.2034

“Honey, please put down some newspaper before putting those jars on the table.” Isak says when Julianne is about to place a jar filled with the colored liquid.

“Here I got it” Even says sliding some across the table before the jar can make contact with the surface and winks at Julianne.

They had decided that coloring eggs should be a full family affair this year, with Isak on egg cooking duty, although he argued that the yolks always looked perfect when Even made them.

“It’s really easy, Isak. You just bring them to a boil and then turn off the heat, leaving them covered for about 10 to 15 minutes. Just make sure you don’t remove them from the heat.” Even says.

“Well is it 10 or 15 minutes?” Isak asks.

“What happened to being a natural in the kitchen?” Even teases.

“Well some things elude even us geniuses.” Isak finally says drawing a laugh out of Even.

“Put the egg timer to 15 minutes, you’ll be fine.” Even smiles.

“You hear that kids? Pappa said 15 minutes, if the yolks are ugly, then it’s on him.” Isak turns back to the stove cranking the heat to high.

“I thought you said we shouldn’t blame everything on other people.” Julianne says confused.

“That’s a very good point, Julianne.” Even says nodding in emphasis, “Isak, thoughts?”

“Well this is different.” Isak tries.

“How so?” Eirik asks almost knocking over a jar of dye which Even catches just in time before it tips over.

Isak sighs, winning really isn’t worth it at the cost of confusing their children's’ moral compass.

“No you’re right, it’s not different.” He concedes looking back at Even who’s looking pretty smug himself now so he narrows his eyes at him, promising to get him back later.

When they’re sitting down later that evening to watch Easter themed movies, Isak ends up sitting right next to Even while the kids are lying comfortably on the floor. And if Even minds when Isak ends up leaning into him, he doesn’t say anything, just like Isak doesn’t say anything when Even wraps his arm around his shoulders pulling him tighter.

 

Tuesday 02.05.2034

“Happy Birthday!” Isak and Even exclaim when Eirik finally makes it into the kitchen for breakfast, still looking half asleep but grins at the sight of his dads and french toast waiting for him.

Even had come over early this morning to be able to start Eirik’s day with birthday wishes from the both of them. Isak had been so happy to hear the suggestion from Even.

Even pulls Eirik into a tight hug before their son walks over to Isak to get his second hug.

“Thanks dad, thanks pappa.” Eirik says happily jumping on his chair and digging into the french toast.

“Thanks,” Isak smiles over to Even “this was a wonderful idea.”

Even shrugs “you all are important to me.”

“You’re important to all of us too.”

 

Wednesday 17.05.2034

Isak looks forward to Constitution day each year, but this time he’s especially looking forward to it, letting Even see his and the kids’ new outfits. Even is already in the living room with the kids ready to get to the parade when Isak comes out dressed and hair carefully styled. He’s be lying if he said he didn’t put extra effort in this year.

“You look beautiful” Even says after a beat when Isak enters the room, his efforts seemingly paying off.

The comment makes Isak’s heat skip a beat. He hasn’t realized how long it had been since he’s been called beautiful and how much he’s missed it from Even. His caring and encouraging words, Isak realizes he misses them deeply.

“Thank you.” Isak smiles “you don’t look too bad yourself” he eyes Even in his suit.

“Woah easy there with the compliments” Even winks “you should pace yourself there.”

“Jerk” Isak chuckles rolling his eyes before turning to the kids “ready to go to the parade?”

 

Wednesday 21.06.2034

When gets out of the shower after his morning run, he can feel something off, but decides to check it out after getting dressed, for modesty’s sake.

Dressed he walks through the hallway where he is met with three incredibly happy family members.

 

“Happy birthday daddy!!” the kids say as they launch themselves into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“Happy birthday, Isak” Even smiles pulling him into a tight hug right after.

“Thank you, all” he grins.

“Look, we made you breakfast and pappa packed our lunches and we’re all dressed so you can enjoy your morning.” Eirik says.

“That’s so sweet of you, but I always enjoy my mornings when I’m around you guys.” Isak says

“Yeah, but now you have more time and plus pappa is here.” he tells Isak.

“You know what, you’re right.” Isak nods “that is wonderful.” He takes a seat at the table and Even hands him a fresh cup of coffee.

Isak looks around him, eyes landing on Even, and he thinks how easy it would be to get used to this.

Later that day Isak is met by all three of them once more, this time for dinner and cake. Taken aback by the effort put in by his family.

“Nope, sorry you can’t do anything, it’s your birthday.” Even says taking the dirty dishes out of Isak’s hands.

Isak sighs exasperated “it’s not that big of a deal, you don’t have to fuss.”

“Nope” Even brushes Isak’s shoulder with his hand in passing “today is all about you so you just relax, okay? You of all people deserve this. Let us do this for you.”

Isak gives in easily to Even’s request, because having him ask just to do something nice for Isak is enough to send his heart racing.

“Thank you Even,” Isak says at the end of the night “tonight was wonderful. Thank you for being here. You’ve been so wonderful” hugging him once more.

“I’m going to do better still, for you, for all of you.” Even vows looking at Isak with sadness in his eyes.

A sadness that Isak recognized too well, so he runs his hand through Even’s hair “You alreadu have been. Even, I’ve forgiven you, but now you have to forgive yourself.”

 

Sunday 09.07.2034

It’s after their second night in Nerja, Spain that Isak starts to get restless. The first night he had been exhausted and didn’t give the fact that Even would be sleeping on the other side of the thin wall much thought. In fact he had been out the moment his head touched the pillow, leaving Even to spend time with the kids for the rest of the evening.

The next day they had gone sight seeing and that’s when Isak first begins to take notice. Taking notice of the way the corners of Even’s eyes crinkle when he’s laughing or smiling brightly, which is almost the entire time and the way he just exudes happiness being around the three of them, like it’s all he needs to feel content.

But it’s not the only thing Isak starts to take notice of. He also notices the one extra button undone on Even’s shirt, which flares up, exposing his chest in the wind. The way his shorts ride up slightly when he crouches down to get to face level with Eirik. The way his ass looks in those pants when they all go out to dinner. And if Even starts to notice the way Isak’s glance starts to linger just a moment too long, he doesn’t say anything.

That second night Isak doesn’t find himself falling asleep right away. Instead he lies awake long past when everyone else is already long asleep, thinking about Even in the next room. Mulling over the thoughts that had plagued him all day.

Which leaves Isak in his current state, having to remind himself that he is on a public beach with his children and to try to force all thoughts of Even out of his mind as he reads his book. Unfortunately he is not so successful in accomplishing that task, the words on the pages stopped making sense a long time ago.

It’s not that Even ever stopped being attractive to Isak, he’s always been. It’s just that Isak has had so much going on all the time that he hadn’t even had the time to consider it since his return. But now with Even constantly being around and helping out, it’s getting harder not to take notice. Especially watching him now in his swimming trunks, chest bare, helping the kids with their sand castles.

It’s the way his abs flex the slightest bit when he leans back trying to inspect their work, the slightest twitch in his thighs, or how his biceps flex as he pushes himself up that has Isak mesmerized. Isak follows Even’s hands as he brushes the sand off on his trunks, walking to the other side of the sand structure to help the kids. He continues to watch as Even sits himself down between the two of them, long legs tucked beneath him, fully facing Isak now. Legs that have been both between his and wrapped around him in the past. Isak can still feel the pressure of them against him if he thinks back to those times.

Or the way he exposes his neck when he tilts his head looking at Isak, curious like he is waiting on something. It’s impossible not to appreciate the sight.

Even continues to look at him in that peculiar way and Isak is completely lost in simply watching him.

“Isak?” Even asks and by now the kids have even stopped their work. Crap, it must not have been the first time his name was called.

“Hmm?” Isak responds trying to snap out of it.

“I was asking if you think we should expand the castle.” Even says, eyes never leaving Isak.

“I think it’s fine the way it is, but if you guys want to, go ahead.” He answers feeling flustered by Even’s stare and at the fact that Even probably knew what was going on in his mind moments ago. His cheeks feel too warm not to give him away.

“That’s not an answer” Julianne says exasperated.

Even smiles “she has a point… what were you thinking about anyways?” he asks mischievously.

“Uh the sandcastle” Isak says quickly. Maybe too quickly judging from the look Even is giving him.

“Oh yeah? What about it?” Even is obviously not about to let him off the hook.

“I was thinking that you guys should make it bigger…” Isak finishes lamely and Even let’s out a bright laugh. There’s no way he’s not aware of at least the track Isak’s thoughts were on just moments before.

“There’s our answer kids, dad has spoken, let’s make it bigger.” He says still grinning at Isak.

Flustered, Isak picks his book up again, the book that seemed to have fallen out of his hands while he was busy appreciating Even, and hides his blushing face behind it.

Later that night Isak is once again struggling to sleep, the cool breeze coming into his room doing nothing to cool his thoughts of Even. Frustrated he finally gives up on trying to get any and sits up in bed. He runs his hands over his face, looking outside the window before standing up. He throws on a shirt, not making the effort to button it up over his pajama bottoms and makes his way outside.

He’s not sure how long he stands outside of their little rented house simply watching the leaves of the palm tree sway in the wind, replaying all of his thoughts of Even for the past two days. But he immediately senses when Even steps outside behind him.

A feeling of anticipation builds up within him, for what he’s not quite sure, or he’s not willing to acknowledge fully.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” Even asks behind him.

“Nah” Isak says turning around to look at him and finds Even in a T-shirt and shorts, hair disheveled like he had been tossing in bed for a while.

“Hmm” Even nods taking a step next to Isak and looking out at the scenery Isak was admiring moments ago.

“It’s so beautiful here.” Even says quietly.

“It is.” Isak agrees looking away from Even and finally back out.

“Thank you for asking me to join you.” Even says after a few minutes.

“I don’t think it would have felt right to go without you.” Isak admits, hands in his pockets. “The kids love having you here.”

Even smiles.

“And I do too.” Isak adds after a bit.

“Yeah?” Even asks turning to Isak. Eyes darting down for a moment before looking back up to meet Isak’s eyes.

Isak nods silently.

Maybe it’s the backdrop of the night, providing the perfect romantic setting. Maybe it’s the late hour of the night that makes the timing feel right. Maybe it’s the thoughts that have finally been released behind the wall Isak has been barring them that makes him feel free right now. Or maybe it’s a combination of all three that finally allow his guard to be let down and let his eyes travel to Even’s wind chapped lips before meeting Even’s eyes once more.

Even seems to get the silent message as he leans in slightly. But before their lips can meet, Even pulls back.

Isak immediately feels that dreaded feeling in his stomach, he was wrong after all, what was he thinking? He’s embarrassed to recognize the feeling of rejection creeping throughout his body, his cheeks growing warm. Even doesn’t owe him anything just because they’re still married, because he just wanted to come along on vacation for the kids, their feelings are probably not even the same-

“Do you want to go out with me? On a date?” Even interrupts his spiralling thoughts.

Isak looks back at him surprised.

“I want to do it right.” Even says when Isak still hasn’t answered “I want to do right by you, I don’t want to rush anything and leave you with regrets,” he takes Isak’s hand in his “I want this with you if you still do. I want us.”

It takes Isak a moment to process the words, to realize the significance of what Even is asking. Another chance, for them. You’re worth another chance. Isak remembers telling Even.

He clasps Even’s hand in return before he can pull back. “Yes, I will go out with you.”

 

Thursday 13.07.2034

They had returned from their vacation just yesterday and Isak feels nervous. Nervous, because after the conversation that night, the date never came up again and Isak is starting to wonder if he may have imagined the whole thing. After Isak had agreed, they had simply stood there for a while, together, watching the night until they finally went to sleep in their own beds.

The remainder of their vacation had gone the same way, with Isak constantly being distracted by Even’s every move, but this after their conversation Isak started to notice that he was not the only one getting distracted. He then started to catch Even’s glances. It made Isak feel better that he was not the only one having a hard time, but it also made it that much harder knowing what they could have was right there within reach.

It’s while he’s pondering on this in his office, that his phone rights. Even.

“Hey Even”

_“Hi Isak”_

“How are you?”

_“Wishing we were still in Spain to be honest.”_

“Ugh I know the feeling. I can’t focus on anything today.”

_“Neither can I, but that’s not what’s distracting me.”_

“Oh?”

_“I promised to take you out on a date and that’s all I can think about.”_

“Oh?” and Isak can feel his heart beating twice as fast.

_“Mhmm, what are you doing Saturday?”_

“No plans yet”

_“Can I take you out for the day?”_

“Sure,” he manages to get out.

_“Good, I can’t wait.” and Isak can hear the bright smile in Even’s voice._

“Me neither.”

_“Fantastic, wear something comfortable that you can move around in easily.”_

 

Saturday 15.08.2034

Liv and Jørn were more than happy to watch the kids after hearing about their plans, well hearing about their plans from Even, because Isak is still in the dark. And now Isak is nervously waiting for Even to come by around noon as he’s sitting around in his running gear, having no idea what the day will hold.

When he opens up the door it feels like it’s their first ever date and maybe in a way it is. They had sort of gone out on dates in the past, but their relationship never started out that way, because the first thing they had done was fall in love. This time they already were in love, it was the rest that they needed to establish again.

“Hey” Even grins at him, backpack slung over his shoulder, dressed similarly to .

“Hi” Isak says a lot more timid than he would like.

“Ready to go?”

“Sure, let me just grab the keys. Do I need to change or anything?” he asks still unsure where they are heading.

“No, you’re perfect,” Even winks “but wear your hiking boots.”

Isak does as he’s told but still rolls his eyes locking the door and placing the keys in his pocket, although he can’t seem to win against the smile fighting its way to his lips. When he turns from the door, Even is holding his hand out for him and Isak gladly accepts it, lacing his fingers through his.

“So where are we going?” Isak asks when they come to a halt at a bus stop down the street, still not sure where they could possibly be going or what Even’s carrying in his backpack.

“You’ll see” he simply says squeezing Isak’s hand.

Luckily their timing is perfect and the bus arrives before Isak can ask any more questions, but that doesn’t stop him once they’re on the bus.

“Galgeberg? What are we doing headed there.”

“We’re not headed there,” Even smiles “just trust me, alright?”

“I do trust you” Isak admits and Even’s smile grows even wider

“Good, because our stop is coming up.” Even responds barely 15 minutes after they first got on.

Isak looks at him suspiciously again when Even pulls him towards the T-ban next.

“Are you trying to disorient me so you can take me to the river and hack me to pieces?” Isak teases drawing a bright laugh out of Even who lets go of Isak’s hand only to bring it around his shoulders.

“You know I’d never do that to you!” He laughs pulling Isak close, rubbing his shoulder.

“Can’t ever be too safe, you never know with a first date.” Isak continues “anything can happen really, you could meet an axe murderer, ugh or worse someone with no personality, or even better you could even end up breaking into some stranger’s house to use their pool.” Isak tells him mock scandalized.

“Oh, it’s going to be like that, is it?” Even grins.

“Exactly like that.” Isak smiles feeling free and genuinely happy.

“Well I can tell you that you won’t have to worry about any of those.”

“You really think highly of your personality there, don’t you?”

“Well of course, I’ve been called the man of some people’s dreams.”

“Wow, that’s quite a thing to live up to.” Isak leans in.

“And one day I hope to again.” Even whispers bumping his nose lightly against Isak.

“Okay now I have no clue where we are. Are you planning on looking for new schools for the kids?” Isak asks as they pass an elementary school after getting off.

“Isak! You’ve lived here almost your entire life, how could you not know how to get to Nøklevann trail?”

“It’s not like we ever really went out hiking together.”

“No, you’re right, there’s a bunch of things we never did, but I want to do them all. With you.” Even smiles taking Isak’s hand in his.

When they reach the treeline, Isak is in awe. It’s not that he’s never been on a trail with trees towering this high above him, but there’s just something different about this time.

Walking down hand in hand with Even along the trail reminds him how tiny they seemed in the scheme of things. Just two tiny cogs in the universe doing the best they can and he looks over at Even.

And there he is, looking at the man he has loved for more than half his life, seeing him with all of his flaws in a way he probably never saw him before. Seeing all of the effort Even did try to put in, but it had just backfired.

“What are you thinking about?” Even pulls him out of his thoughts as they continue down the trail.

“You. The universe.” Isak answers honestly “How tiny we are in the grand scheme of things.”

“Hmm” Even looks thoughtful.

“No, it’s a good thing” Isak reassures him, knowing where Even’s mind would pull him. “It just means there are millions of possibilities of what could have happened, of what could happen. The likelihood of anything is just so unlikely. And I think that makes the things we do have that much more special, you know? That everything we do have is against the odds. The kids. You. And that I’m so lucky to have all of you.”

Isak is surprised by all that. But he means it, he truly does. What him and Even have is special, it always has been and still is.

Even seems just as surprised as Isak, still trying to find the right words it seems. But there aren’t any, the feelings between them are beyond words and they both know it. So instead Even takes Isak by the shoulders and leans his forehead against his.

“I love you.” Even whispers earnestly. Maybe there are a few words.

“I love you too.” Isak returns just moments before their lips finally, finally meet.

It’s cliche, Isak thinks, but the only way he can describe the kiss is like coming home after being gone for a few too many months, after having to deal with delays and missed flights, after losing your luggage and all your documents. It’s finally coming home. Even’s smell, Even’s taste, and Even’s touch, no longer memories, but once again a reality and Isak sighs a into him, letting out a shudder.

They finally pull apart only because their lungs won’t allow them to continue on, both panting hard against the other, smiling.

“Come on” Even pulls on Isak’s hand and they continue down the path “we haven’t even made it to our destination yet.”

“Oh? Here I thought you only took me out because you thought I needed the exercise.”

“Have you seen you?” Even asks raising an eyebrow, eyes roaming over Isak’s body freely “if there’s one thing you’re not lacking, it’s exercise.”

Isak blushes at the blatant compliment and the intensity of Even’s stare. Even smiles in return, squeezing his hand gently.

At the clearing leading to the lake, Even pulls Isak a ways away, to a more remote location. Away from the trail and away from the few people roaming around before opening up his backpack and pulling out a woolen blanket and laying it out on the grassy patch.

“A picnic?” Isak grins, sitting down on the spot Even patted down for him.

“Mhmm” Even smiles proudly, pulling out a tupperware container filled with fruits and vegetables along with two sandwiches and two beers.

“Nice” Isak nods accepting the beer gladly.

Somewhere along the way between the meal and the chatting about family, work, and life in general, Isak makes it between Even’s stretched out legs, leaning back against Even as Even runs one hand through Isak’s hair while supporting them with his other.

And eventually Isak’s head turns to the side into the perfect position for Even to lean in and place a kiss on his lips and so he does. Over and over again until the summer sun slowly begins its descent.

 

Tuesday 12.09.2034

“Boyfriend?! Even, she’s eight.” Isak exclaims looking at Julianne out playing with one of the boys at her friend’s birthday party.

“What? It’s cute, it doesn’t mean anything at that age. Come on, Isak.” Even laughs wrapping an arm around Isak’s shoulders.

“No! She’s too young, we’re not supposed to be dealing with this until she’s at least eighteen” Isak vehemently whispers.

“Eighteen?? Isak, you were still seventeen when you moved in with your older boyfriend.” Even grins pulling him close.

“That’s different” Isak pouts.

“How so?” Even smiles, his face mere centimeters from Isak’s.

“She’s our daughter” Isak whispers against his lips.

“And she’s perfect, isn’t she?” Even asks head turning to where the kids are playing.

“They both are.” Isak responds looking out at them playing, resting his head against Even’s and lacing their hands together.

 

Friday 20.10.2034

_For the love of my life in all universes and in this universe, the only one that matters, Isak._

Isak’s heart skips a beat at the dedication and he squeezes Even’s hand tighter in the still dark theater, knowing that if he looks over at him, his emotions will get the best of him and he’ll be at risk of tearing up and Even squeezes back, reassuring, comforting.

After the film they are surrounded by a crowd of people wanting to greet and congratulate Even. Isak tries to move to the side to give Even some space, but Even’s arm around his shoulders tightens, keeping him in place and surprising Isak.

Shortly after, Even excuses them both and guides Isak towards the exit.

“You didn’t have to leave” Isak says “we still could have stayed.”

Even smiles, hand reaching up from his shoulder to tuck some hair behind his ear “we could have, but they’re not who I want to spend the rest of tonight with. They’re not the important ones, you are.”

The words make Isak feel precious in a way that only Even can make him feel. He leans into his hand “thank you, and thank you for the film.”

“Come on, there’s still more I want to show you tonight.” Even says lightly pulling on Isak’s hand and leading him down the street.

“Where are we going?” Isak asks curiously.

“You’ll see” Even winks at him.

“Are we going to the pier?” Isak asks when he recognizes the direction they are headed.

“You’ll see” Even simply says, letting go of Isak’s hand only to wrap his arm around his shoulders, pulling him tight, making Isak feel safe and looked after, so he leans into him.

He hasn’t felt this loved in too long and he wants to make sure Even knows how much he appreciates him so he comes to a halt, making Even stop as well and pulls him into a kiss right there by the shore. Clinging onto him desperately, moaning into Even’s mouth when the older opens up and fists his hand into Isak’s hair. He doesn’t care who sees, let them, because right now Isak is the luckiest man in the entire city.

They’re both panting when Even finally pulls back, neither being able to get a word out just yet. Finally Even lets out a chuckle holding Isak close.

“That wasn’t supposed to come until later.”

“Oh? You were counting on me throwing myself at you?” Isak teases.

“Well I was hoping you would, but I was planning on throwing myself at you to be honest” he grins placing a peck on the corner of Isak’s mouth before going in for another one and another one as Isak smiles widely.

“Remember when we used to come out here, just the two of us and look out to the sea and plan out our future?” Even asks.

“Mhmm, before the kids.” Isak responds.

Even wraps his arms around Isak from behind, both of them looking out.

“I still want that, I always want that,” Even says “I want to plan our future again.”

“Me too” Isak says leaning back into him, the warmth of Even around him lulling him into a calm.

“I don’t ever want to be away from you again.” Even whispers into his ear.

“Then don’t, don’t ever leave us again.” Isak whispers back

“I won’t make that mistake again. You three are my priority, my future. Always.” Even vows looking out to the sea with Isak.

They stand there for a while, though it’s hard to tell how long since the sun set while they were still in the theater. But to Isak it doesn’t matter how long they’ve stood there, he’d stand there for all eternity, savoring these perfect moments.

“Thank you. Thank you for tonight, it’s been perfect.”

“No, I should be thanking you, Isak, For coming with me to the showing, for spending time with me.”

A breeze blows in from the water making Isak shiver despite his layers and having Even wrapped around him.

“Come on” Even says placing a kiss on Isak’s cheek, holding him tighter.”let’s get you home.”

Isak is distracted the entire way back to his apartment, Distracted by Even’s words, his desires. He loves Even, that has never changed. It’s always been that way and he is sure it will always remain as well. It’s always only been Even for him, he could never imagine being with anyone else and he never wanted to. He also knows that Even truly does love him. He’s shown it, and more importantly, Isak feels it.

He processes these thoughts as they make their way back to his apartment hand in hand, silently, Even giving him the time to think until they finally end up inside his building and at the front door.

“Thank you for joining me tonight.” Even says squeezing Isak’s hand and running his free one through Isak’s hair lovingly. Leaning into it Isak only has one thought, he wants this, he wants it all again.

So instead of saying goodbye at the door, Isak unlocks the door and pulls Even in for a thoroughly long kiss. Isak has missed this, the desperate need to be as close as possible to one another, the silent ‘I love you’s they spoke with their hands as they roam over the other.

“Stay the night?” Isak manages when they break apart for air inside the apartment.

“Are you sure?” Even checks.

“Absolutely.” Isak toes off his shoes as Even does the same and they toss their coats into the closet, not bothering to hang them up.

Isak leads them to the bedroom, taking much longer as Even stops him multiple times to kiss against each wall they pass, creating new memories for this apartment. Memories that are long overdue.

Finally in the bedroom, Isak starts to push at Even’s suit jacket, their actions turning frantic, desperate as they undress the other, needing to finally fully feel the other. The moment they are fully undressed Even starts to slow them down, hands now slowly running down Isak’s sides, much to Isak’s enjoyment and dismay.

Even, sensing his impatience, pulls back from the kiss smiling, holding Isak tightly so they’re flush against each other.

“I don’t want to miss a single moment with you, I want to do this right” he says in between kisses ranging down neck “I want to love you forever.”

Isak moans at the words and lightly pushes Even in the direction of the bed.

And he’s right, Isak thinks, he wants to savor these moments, remember each one in vivid detail.

When Even is lying on the bed, there’s a moment of hesitation from Isak as he moves to join him.

“I haven’t- uh I haven’t been with anyone since you.” he says meeting Even’s eyes.

“I mean if you have, that’s fine, it’s just I don’t think I have any-”

He’s interrupted when Even pulls him down on the bed and moves to hover above him.

“Woah” Isak lets out surprised, a small smile growing on his lips from the sudden movement..

“There hasn’t been anyone since you, no one, you’re the only one for me.” Even says looking at Isak sincerely.

Isak is slightly ashamed to admit to himself just how much relief he feels from hearing the words, so he pulls Even down into a kiss, moving his hands down his back and pulls him closer, grinding into him making Even open his mouth in a gasp.

He has missed Even’s every touch and his every moan. It’s almost exciting remembering what would draw a response out of Even, then testing it to see if it will still do the same and finding out that it still does. He takes satisfaction in seeing Even lose himself like that, seeing that even after all this time he can still make Even feel that way.

But when Even starts to kiss down Isak’s body, nipping at the sensitive areas, it’s Isak’s turn to become breathless and lose himself completely when he starts to feel Even’s tongue make him feel in ways he never could by himself when he thought of Even all those nights alone, making him gasp and moan Even’s name over and over again.

It’s when Isak is sitting on top of Even that he can feel him hesitating.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Isak reassures him with a kiss.

Even lets out a breathy laugh “oh believe me I want all of this, everything. But can we switch? I just really need to feel you.”

Isak’s heart leaps at the request and he smiles, leaning down to kiss Even “of course, anything you need.” And it’s what Isak needs too. Feeling surrounded by Even, knowing that he will always be there for him, that he won’t be alone in this again.

“I love you” Isak says when they finally pull apart exhausted.

“And I love you.” Even buries his face in the crook of Isak’s neck and runs his hands through Isak’s hair. “I love you so much” he repeats placing a kiss on on Isak’s collar bone before falling asleep in Isak’s arms muttering ‘I love you’s that slowly grow more and more incoherent.

 

Saturday 21.10.2034

Isak wakes up first, used to having an early schedule and starting his day with a run. But this morning it’s quiet in the house, The dog and the kids are still at their grandparents’ so he feels no rush to start the day. Not that he thinks he easily could, with Even still half lying on top of him, his breath dancing across Isak’s chest.

So instead he settles for simply lying in bed and savoring this feeling that he has missed for too long, his fingers running through Even’s hair.

It’s a while before Even wakes up, but it’s still only somewhere around 07.00 from what Isak can tell looking out of his window, not willing to reach for his phone.

Instead of moving off of Isak, Even hooks his arm underneath him to pull him even closer drawing a small laugh out of Isak.

“This feels so nice” Even mumbles against his chest, kissing the area “I don’t want to move.”

“We will have to at some point,” Isak chuckles lightly running his nails across Even’s back “I’m supposed to pick up the kids later this afternoon.”

Isak can see Even crack one eye open and glance out the window “that means we still have the entire morning and then some” he grins up at Isak.

“And exactly what did you have in mind?” Isak asks, interested now.

“Making up for lost time.” Even says bringing his lips up to meet Isak’s in a thorough kiss.

“I can get on board with that” Isak smiles moving Even to lie on his back.

*

After one of the most unproductive showers Isak has ever had, although according to Even it had been incredibly productive, he is standing in the kitchen making breakfast when Even walks into the kitchen, hair wet, wearing Isak’s clothes.

“I can definitely get used to seeing this” he says.

Isak rolls his eyes “I’ve been cooking half our weekly meals for you for almost a year now.”

“Yes but this is different.” Even says moving to stand beside Isak.

“How so?”

“This is breakfast.”

“You’ve had breakfast here before. You’ve even made some of them.”

“But this is we spent the night and had sex together breakfast.” Even grins.

“Geez” Isak groans trying to hide the smile from forming. “You sound like you’re nineteen right now.”

“With you I always feel nineteen.” Even says raising his eyebrow suggestively.

“Wherever that thought is going, stop now.” Isak laughs before turning around and pulling Even into a smiling kiss. “You’re ridiculous.”

This is what it feels like to be whole again, Isak thinks.

 

Friday 17.11.2034

They’re lying in Even’s bed in his small one bedroom apartment, facing one another, enjoying the afterglow, Even’s hand combing through Isak’s hair soothingly.

Looking at Even, Isak yearns for this to be the sight he gets to see first and last thing every day. It tugs at his heart that he doesn’t and he realizes that a few nights a week or a stolen few hours here and there are no longer enough. He wants him back fully, he wants the man of his dreams, his husband back completely.

He knows Even loves him beyond a doubt and he loves Even just as much in return. And more importantly he trusts Even, he trusts him to be there. If he were to ask Even to move back home, he already knows what the answer will be, he doesn’t have to fear the chance of rejection because he knows it doesn’t exist there. Even wants to come home, he wants their family whole as much as Isak does.

Looking into Even’s eyes he knows all of this to be true, which means it’s only up to him. It’s up to Isak to make the last move, to fully let him in.

So Isak puts his hand over Even’s and tilts his face to kiss Even’s wrist before turning back to Even who is looking at him fondly, with love in his eyes.

“Come home” Isak says.

 

Sunday 24.12.2034

Isak returns from his run and hops into the shower before going back into his bedroom, looking at the love of his life sleeping on the other half of the bed and smiles. It’s a sight he’s been graced with each morning now. Even on his own side of the bed, a side that no longer lay bare.

It’s definitely one of those mornings that calls for more time in bed, he thinks, dropping his towel and getting back under the blanket, facing Even.

“Mmmmh, you’re still cold” Even mumbles wrapping his leg around Isak’s waist, pulling him closer “and naked” he says looking much more awake when he feels up Isak’s hip with his thigh.

“That’s what gets you going?” Isak grins.

“Uhh yeah,” Even says, rubbing his hands lower down Isak’s body “I think we still have some time before the kids wake up.”

“A couple of hours easily.” Isak agrees moving his hips forward to brush Even’s, an action met by Even’s sharp inhale.

“Good, lets take full advantage of it.” Even swoops in for a kiss.

*

The rest of the morning is spent having breakfast and decorating the tree with Christmas themed shows running in the background.

Finally it’s time to get ready for the Christmas service to meet Jørn and Liv who happily pull them all into hugs in greeting.

This time around Isak has no problem sitting back and letting Liv take charge, after all, it gives him more time to spend with Even and the kids. He catches both Liv and Jørn staring at them from time to time, seemingly taking in their new dynamic, happy to see them all reunited once more.

Isak looks over at Even and pulls him in for a kiss for everyone to see, because he wants to and he wants everyone else to know how happy Even makes him, how content, how nice it has been finally having him back. No matter how hard Isak tries, he will never find the right words to convey exactly what he feels to anyone else. So he settles for a kiss. Anything else they may feel is between Isak and Even and between their sheets.

 

Tuesday 02.01.2035

“Baby come back to bed” Even mumbles half asleep.

“Hold on” Isak chuckles.

“No, nooow” Even whines “we were promised a day on our own and I intend to take full advantage of it”

“Isn’t that what we’re doing right now? Spending the day together?” Isak asks smiling, rummaging through a drawer.

“You’re not in bed so it’s not really living up to its full potential.” Even says distracted, curious now “what are you looking for anyways?”

Isak grins when he finds what he’s been searching for and returns to the bed, sitting cross legged on his side, facing Even, his left hand hidden behind his back, anticipation building. Last time it was Even who had asked.

“Even?” Isak asks, a big smile on his face, taking Even’s hand in his right.

“Yes?” Even asks now looking suspicious.

Isak pulls a small box from behind his back, a ring box. He opens it and inside are their wedding rings. Rings that have not been on their fingers for too long.

“Will you do me the honors of being my husband for the rest of our lives?”

Even looks at him, really looks at him. And Isak feels like he’s being regarded as the most precious thing in the world.

“Yes, of course. For the rest of forever.” Even vows, squeezing Isak’s hand as Isak places Even’s ring back on its rightful spot. Even takes the other ring and places it on Isak’s finger in return. They hold each others hands for a moment, sitting on the bed facing one another.

The setting may not be the most romantic to do this, but to Isak it is the only one that matters. It’s in their apartment that they shared their most important milestones, where they first got engaged, where they brought their son and daughter, where they found their way back to each other. It is only fitting to resume the rest of their lives together in the same setting.

“I love you” Isak smiles leaning forward and kissing the edge of Even’s jaw.

“Hmm,” Even pulls back looking Isak in the eyes, sincerely “and I love you. So much. So fucking much” and moves in for a long deep kiss. A kiss that let’s Isak know he’s cared for. A kiss that promises him both this minute and the next.

Isak sighs content against his lips, letting his hands roam over Even’s body, wanting to get the most out of their wedding anniversary, celebrating their love. A love they have had to fight for and won, together. Because minute by minute, so long as they are together, Isak knows they can now overcome anything.


End file.
